12.28.2009

belated promise part 4: Unicorns

Hey look it's more videos! When Rachel suggested "Unicorns. Sparkly ones" I couldn't help but flash back on those wonderful "Planet Unicorn" cartoons. Episode 1 isn't my favorite but I'm still gonna go with this one to share with you. Good luck getting that theme out of your head. It won't happen.


belated promise part 3: Penguins and Flamingos!

Alright for this one I have decided to just go with an even bigger cop out than these blog posts have turned into: The video post!

First the penguins -



And then we have flamingos -



Thanks Mallory for the wonderful idea, I hope you like the videos.

12.27.2009

Belated promise part 2: Mascots!

Alright so when we last met I answered mark's questions and now it's time to talk about what my good friend Jennifer suggested I write about: Sports Mascots. First I just wanted to say that Jen I like this subject so I'm glad you suggested it. Also you are awesome for even reading my blog a little bit and I appreciate it.

Anyway here is a quick list of the quirkiest and stupidest mascots I have ever encountered.

Clarkston Bantams of Clarkston WA.

Now they may call this thing to my left a "Bantam" but let's be honest here, that's a chicken. Oh sure it's a bad mother of a chicken, but it's still just as delicious with 7 herbs and spices. Who thought this was a good idea? I mean come on! Their rivals are a freaking Bengal tiger! How does a chicken stand a chance against a tiger? It doesn't that's how. Were they so desperate for a different mascot from most other schools in the country that they decided on one of the most docile creatures ever? What made them think this was going to scare anyone? Clearly this was thought of after a fairly traumatic experience at a petting zoo.*

The Orofino Maniacs of Orofino, ID
Okay I will admit, this one is kinda cool. I mean it's a Maniac. A crazy person is definitely threatening, especially a crazy person without pants on like the one illustrated as their mascot. The interesting thing about this one though is just how incredibly un-PC this one is. What makes the Maniacs so un-PC isn't just that it is a crazy person. No see Orofino... how do I put this... Well Orofino is the home of the North Idaho Insane Asylum. In an era where every single Native American mascot is coming under fire for being derogatory to Native Americans this one slips through the cracks. Normally I wouldn't think this way about a silly little mascot, it's harmless fun. But even I have limits of my bad taste.

*full disclosure: I went to their rival school, Lewiston High School so I might be a bit biased against their stupidity, but in fairness it's still a stupid chicken.

Belated promise part 1: The Mark Edition

Alright so this is a little later than I had promised but I am going to take the time to write about each requested item. Some will get more than others but that isn't so much me saying your suggestion sucked, but rather me admitting I don't know as much about Unicorns as I do my 2010 resolutions. Anyway this post is to talk about most of Mark's lovely suggestions.

1. Life without Mark is depressing. I found myself just randomly talking about him over breakfast with my friends Joan and Kenley about a week ago for no reason other than I missed him and wanted to talk about him. While Kenley has plenty of experience with Mark, Joan had never met him so I only hope our descriptions of him as a sweet natured cute little guy with a vile sense of humor but you let him get away with it because...well he's Mark, was valid enough to not scare her away from meeting him. Seriously though Mark, you are missed.

2. School is school. I am finding myself learning more about myself than I am about any of the subjects I am taking but then again if movies have taught me anything it's that that's exactly what a good education does.

3. Sorry Mark but my Corners will never be on this blog. Too many people read it and I don't want to make them think too much of something like that. Look for that somewhere else.

4. I'm gonna pull a cop out move on this one because I can't think of anything. Instead here is a blog post I wrote 9 months ago that I am sure not all of you read full of random things about me. Enjoy.

Up Next: Sports Mascots!

12.11.2009

it turns out

people update their blogs more than once a month.

Who knew?

Maybe I will update you when I get the chance/find enough things that are interesting to tell you.

Here this might help, what would YOU like me to write about? Inspire me oh muse of imaginary readers.

Seriously if you tell me something to write about I will write about it by the end of next week.

11.16.2009

I got a haircut

In an effort to talk about things a little less serious and a little more upbeat, I will share with you the story of my haircut.


I work in Bellevue Square, and I have been considering getting a cut for about a week now. Essentially my lovely curls were getting out of control and in my eyes far too much for my liking. Generally I go to Rudy's on the Ave, which is a wonderful, wonderful place full of wonderful sights and sounds. However after becoming delirious from working all day I decided to take a break and go to a salon here in the mall instead of waiting until tomorrow to go to Rudy's.


Now I have to tell you that while I do make a HUGE deal about my hair and making it look perfect when I leave the house, when I get it cut it's the complete opposite. I pretty much sit in the chair and let them have a field day with my Precious. I couldn't really care less. I figure I put enough effort into it in the morning I can make it look good short or long. Plus I am not really trying to impress myself with my hair, I love my hair regardless, no I am out to impress the ladies. And who better to decide what looks good on me than the lady with the experience with hair who I am paying to cut said hair? Exactly.


So we start talking and she seems nice enough. She mentions that she's gonna take it medium length because it's winter and I'm gonna want that extra hair to keep in warmth or some such crap. I roll with it and just let her go. Slowly but surely my curls come off and you can see my forehead again. And then she just... stops. I figure she is going to crab the clippers but instead she reaches for the blow drier.... wait what?


No see when my hair is super dry it gets puffy. You can't let it get puffy or I look like a dork.


Then she reaches for the product....


Um are you sure you didn't miss a step?

I mean I can't even see the tops of my ears yet.

No?

This is really when we stop?

Oh okay.


As if by some miracle she found the one length of my hair that I absolutely hate (it's still too long to style how I like it, but it's too short to have any of my curl that I adore with my long hair). Did I tell her any of this? Of course not. She asked if she took enough off the front and I said sure. Sure? Are you kidding? It looks like crap. This is not a fun and funky hair cut. This is boring, and pedestrian, something my hair most certainly is not. Why aren't you fun and funky like the girls at Rudy's? No seriously it looks like you purposefully went mediocre with my hair to make it so I had to come back in in a month to get it cut again. I try and go at least 3 months between cuts. I will not be tricked into becoming a repeat customer by your silly games.


There are 3 morals of this story:


1. Never get your hair cut in a mall. No good can ever come of it.

2. If you have a regular place, go there. Even if you have to wait a little longer, it's worth the wait to get it right.

3. If you ignore morals 1 & 2, do not ignore this one: NEVER JUST TELL THE MALL STYLIST TO DO WHATEVER FOR THEY WILL MAKE YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.


I'm going to Rudy's tomorrow to get it fixed.


For more info on the greatest babershop in the world click here

11.11.2009

A trail of tears aka Abandonment Part II

I can trace my fear of abandonment all the way back to the fourth grade. I came home from a friends house to find my mom, the only parent I had at the time thanks to a divorce 3 years earlier, unconscious and accidentally overdosed on sleeping pills. I called 9-1-1 and they talked me through what I needed to do. That night I spent the night at my best friend Shawn's house. The next night I was with a friend of my mom's named Debbie. Then I found myself again with a friend of my mom's except she decided I needed to stay in a foster home. My mom was released from the hospital when it was decided it wasn't a suicide attempt but by that time I was already in the system and living in Lapwai, ID with people I didn't know, in a town I had never been to. Anyone who has ever been in the system should know just how difficult it is to get out of. I was stuck in Lapwai where I was only allowed to see my mom once a week in supervised visits/therapy sessions, and rutinely beaten and punished for being a child for the better part of 4 months when I was moved into a new foster family, the Youngs back in Lewiston. I stayed there for the rest of the school year, seeing my mom more regularly thanks to the fact that the Young family are amazing people and dear friends with my mom. It wasn't the same as being with my mom and I constantly worried about her but it was much, MUCH better than the Lapwai house.

After that I became very clingy with my mom and anyone who was close to me. I tried to get held back into the 6th grade so I could be in class with my friends who were all a year younger than me (didn't work), I routinely faked sick so I could stay home and make sure my mom was safe. I still to this day follow my closest friends around like a lost puppy when I'm at a party or an event I worry that I will lose them and never see them again. Yes this includes dance parties in rooms the size of your standard living room. I simply don't do well with the idea of being alone without those that I love.

Conversely if my friends do manage to move away, or for whatever reason leave me, I cut them from my life almost entirely. I don't write my friends when they go on missions. I simply will not attempt to text or talk to you if you move away. To put it simply I try and pretend you don't exist, and you never existed. It's easier that way, if only because that means you didn't really leave me, but I left you. I wasn't the one getting left behind but instead I let you go and I didn't need you anymore. Sure if you talk to me I will talk back, but again that is because I have all the power. It makes me feel like you need me. I can't have you thinking I need you, because I don't. After all you aren't here right? So what would I need you for? No you have to be the one in need of me. It reminds me that I'm not being abandoned by you in this relationship because you still need me.

If I were to create a list of all the people I go through this same process with, this game as it were, it would be long and numerous. Shoot I don't even call or visit my own mother in her assisted living home. I want to, I think about her every single day of my life, but I don't talk to her unless she calls me. I haven't even gone to visit her in over two years simply because I "have to work." or "it's too busy for me right now" any excuse I can come up with to make her come to me. (I am planning on visiting her for Thanksgiving this year though in an effort to be a better son.) This just proves there is no limit to this disease in my mind. Family, friends, no one is exempt from me needing to prove you need me more than I need you.

I want to get better. I want to stay in contact with people should they move away to say Alaska, St. Louis, California or even just to U2. Sure the motivation is there because I love these people and I need them in my life, but still the worry of them not needing me and outgrowing our friendship just seems too hard to deal with and just inevitable enough to scare me from trying. I wish I was a stronger and better friend where I didn't worry about such pointless and neurotic things but that just isn't going to happen any time soon.

Either way I want you to know, especially those I have effectively eliminated from my life that I do still care about you and worry about you. I still wonder how you are and how life has treated you. I want to reach out that hand and say I am here for you regardless of where you live... but I'm scared.


10.27.2009

Reconnecting a disconnected life

As many of you know I am moving in a couple days, back into my dad's home in Wallingford for a couple months just so I can get back on my feet and find a place to live. I'm not gonna lie- this was my stepmom's idea. See my dad and I have always had an interesting relationship. Talking with him about anything outside of the trivial has always been difficult. Anything outside of the realm of work, school, TV, books, movies, or computers and it becomes a long awkward silence punctuated with tears and very few words. When I think about that last statement it makes it hard to believe what I am going to say next - I am excited to live with my dad again, even for a short while.

Growing up my dad was my best friend. We'd play games, he would teach me so many wonderful things. Without him I would have no idea how to conquer the Legend of Zelda. He would do absolutely anything for me, anything. I remember one Christmas I asked for the entire collection of M.A.S.K. figures. I doubt anyone knows what I am talking about, essentially cars that turned into planes driven by guys with superpowered masks fighting crime (Oh how I miss the 80's). Well my dad took a trip to Spokane, a good 3 hours away from our home at the time, a couple times a month until Christmas and bought me these toys. All of them. I can't imagine how much time, dedication and love went into that gift. It was more than the money. And yes this is where I learned that if you love someone you buy them things. I didn't say everything he taught me was GOOD, I just said he taught me things.

Once my parents divorced a few years later, slowly but surely my dad vanished from my life. He wanted to be there, I don't want any of you reading this to think he was a deadbeat dad who ignored his son, he wasn't. He would still send me birthday cards and presents. He always tried to help me realize that he loved me. I knew that he did, but due to some complicated matters that I don't think I will share today, he couldn't be there with me through a lot of the harder times in my life outside of the child support checks. Eventually that's all he became to me were those checks. I couldn't see or talk to him because of my stupid decisions to not help. Again, it wasn't entirely his fault that he wasn't there. I wouldn't let him be there.

Once he was finally able to talk with me again it shocked my system. I wasn't expecting that phone call and when we talked it was always quiet. Very few things were said but that silence spoke enough for the two of us. Slowly we found common ground. We discovered those pointless topics we could talk about without actually saying anything. Occasionally we would try and talk about something real but it never really worked. The time had passed to talk about them. I had decided that they weren't worth discussing when they were important and now they still have too much sting behind them to talk about because we failed when it comes to opening up those channels.

I realize that very little can change in the next couple months to mend these wounds that have done nothing but grow and fester over the last twenty years, but at the same time I have faith that the beginnings of growth and healing can happen this time around. I know there are things I need to say to him and if these lines of communication aren't opened I never will be able to say them.

10.18.2009

I love this boy


I met Mark very early in my Seattle adventure at a mutual friend's party. He was just visiting her from Spokane if I remember correctly. He seemed like an interesting kid and I thoroughly enjoyed the little bit we interacted. As I did at the time I went home and found him on Myspace and added him as a friend. Thankfully this silly little personal trait of needing to increase my myspace friends list through mere acquaintances and high school friends I don't talk with any longer has ended. Now I use Facebook. This "friendship" lasted about 2 weeks until Mark deleted me thinking he would never see me again. About 2 months later he was living in Seattle, in my ward and one of my favorite people.

Instead of just continuing to tell the story of Mark and I instead I'm just gonna break down into a list, aka the bloggers crutch, of some of my favorite Mark traits and/or moments. These are in no particular order, and I will stop when I get bored.

1. My hair apparently only looks good to Mark when I am sick.
2. I have never seen someone who seems to thrive on the failures of others try so hard for his friends to not actually fail.
3. If you ask Mark for something, chances are you will get it. Maybe not exactly how you expected to get it but you will get it.
4. If it's your birthday and you know mark even remotely, you will get a cake. The level of your friendship with him will be shown with the amount of effort and work he put into it.
5. Mark tries really hard. He may not always succeed, but he tries really hard. I think I love that most about him.
6. If I were to calculate just how much money/gas I owed Mark for all the trips, the pick ups, and the rides he's given me I'm pretty sure it would be four digits.
7. Now that I have mentioned that he'll probably make a joke about wanting to get that money.
8. He won't be kidding.
9. I'm not sure if this is Mark's favorite Allen story, but he tells it better than I do so be sure to ask him about me being pooped on by a bird.
10. Keep in mind at least 50% of it will be exaggerated.
11. Of all the roommates I am losing this month Mark is the one I will miss the most.
12. I am legitimately worried a polar bear is going to eat Mark within the first 3 months he is in Alaska.
13. He is probably vain enough to really love this entire post.
14. Except that last fun fact.
15. He stopped reading after the first paragraph.
16. I may make fun of Mark's love for boy bands and pop music but I wish I loved something that much.
17. No Mark, Happy Feet is not about the struggles of being a gay Mormon. it's about dancing penguins.
18. It is based on a true story though.
19. I'm jealous of his relationship with Kurt... well except for the gay parts of it.
20. You can finger paint with anything. Just stick your head in there.

I am truly thankful and grateful for the friendship that Mark has given to me these years. He has broadened my views and made me a better person over it all. Thank you Mark, for being you and reminding me of the person I should want to be. Well without liking boys. I'm afraid you're on your own on that one buddy. Have fun in Alaska, be safe, and be sure to never forget us.


For the record when I say don't forget us, I mean his friends, not that one time we hooked up. I would very much like it if you WOULD forget that Mark.

10.03.2009

ATTENTION ROMMMATES

I wanna keep this little thing.

Last night when I came home from seeing Zombieland with Dean (really, REALLY fun movie.) this little kitty came running up to my door as if she belonged there and we had accidentally let her outside. She was all sorts of adorable, and truth be told I have a weakness for stray animals dating back to when I was a kid. So I petted her a little bit, talked to her, and I was mostly just her friend. She didn't seem to have many of those, and she was really outgoing and nice too.

Unfortunately I know that I have four roommates, and the only one I think would let me keep said cat would be Mark and that simply isn't enough to carry weight to let her stay so I tried to leave her outside and go inside. She had none of that. Once I opened the screen door she darted inside and waited patiently for me to open the final door into my house. It was late, around 11 so I knew no one was going to be up, but I still argued with myself about if I should let her in or not. Surely she could stay in my room all night and no one would be the wiser. I just had to make sure I closed all the doors. But I knew if I let the kitty spend the night, I would undoubtedly become attached and one night would turn into forever. It was bound to happen.

I debated for a good 30 minutes. Of course during these 30 minutes Miss kitty was purring and rubbing up against me, climbing onto my legs, crawling under my legs, cuddling up next to me, and then the absolute last straw of cuteness that I could take no more of, she jumped onto my shoulder not unlike a parrot to a pirate, and proceeded to lick my face and then fall asleep.

I think I am the only person who enjoys a cat's sandpaper tongue. I absolutely had to bring her inside. And so I picked her up (when I tried to stand up she woke and jumped to the ground.) and into my room she went. I closed my closet door because I wanted to make sure I could find her in the morning and my closet is a disaster. I updated my twitter status, and let her get situated in my room. After a little bit of investigating she laid down on my bed and went to sleep. I decided it was late and that was a wonderful idea so I also went to sleep. It wasn't the most comfortable night of sleep admittedly, but I think it was one of the most I've enjoyed sleeping since my cat Sable died when I moved to Seattle. I woke up several times throughout the night, each time I looked to find where she had gotten off to (I didn't name the cat, I knew that would be the end all be all of attachment) and then as if she knew I wasn't comfortable she relocated herself so I could perhaps sleep more soundly. This happened no less than 6 times. My favorite was when she decided that sleeping on my shoulder/face was a good place to get comfy. Thankfully this position didn't last long but still hearing her purr next to my face was one of my favorite moments of the night.

True to my word I had to put her back outside moments ago. I could tell she knew it was time to go, because she started to get restless and making noise. It was vaguely reminiscent of when you accidentally pass out watching a movie at a girl's house and you wake up on their sofa realizing you shouldn't be there, and you try to leave before their roommates can see you.

I am not going to lie and say I won't be doing this again, because it's only gonna get colder at night and she was super tiny so if I see her again late at night chances are she's coming inside again. I just hope next time I will get to keep her.

9.25.2009

He is not that Dramatic

This post goes out to Mark.




This is from the new TV show "Modern Family" on ABC. WATCH IT!

9.19.2009

I forgot

I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed feeling needed, especially in regards to the church. Let me back up a little bit. When I first started attending committee meetings for the institute here in Seattle it wasn't just for the breakfast. Sure getting fed was good, but I truly loved helping out as much as I could and this gave me the opportunity to do just that. Early on my skills and talents in Graphic Design were noticed by my peers and as a result my niche was found. I began designing posters, handouts, little things like that in my spare time. I truly loved doing this as it gave me a chance to hone my skills and actually be useful in what I was doing. Adam loved using me for these things the most. He was always asking me from across the hall if I would design something for Understanding Mormonism for him or an ad for the Daily. It was a fun working environment and I was always happy to help.

Then my computer broke. I became lazy when it came to fixing it, and as a result I lost my place. Soon institute committees just became Friday breakfast for me, as I would show up, sit silently, help as little as possible, make a few sarcastic jokes, and then eat. Through this I then started becoming more avoiding when it came to actual church. I started being more willing to work more on Sundays. I didn't home teach, at all. My world became a little darker and frustrating place. I won't blame all this on my computer as these things have always been a part of my mind and personality, it's just the more I felt I wasn't contributing, the more I also found myself thinking that no one would miss me if I wasn't there, even once my computer was fixed I avoided making posters or helping out simply because I had decided it wasn't worth my time anymore.

This year however a dear friend of mine is the Institute President, and Brother Knowles and he went out of their way to ask me to design some posters for the upcoming quarter. Knowing that Jon had the ability to make these himself, it really meant a lot to me that he would still chose to come to me and ask me to do it. And so I started designing again. At first it was frustrating and my perfectionist side came out again, but I pressed on and remembered that perfection isn't possible, I created four posters that will be hanging around the institute for awhile. It felt really good to be able to say without a shadow of doubt that I belong and that I am contributing to something that is a great cause. I have felt so much better about myself since I started designing again. It has encouraged me to improve myself in other areas as well. I am walking home from work again, and in the near future I will be learning some Yoga as well, thanks to Dean.

I won't want to say this is all because of designing some silly posters that don't really matter all that much in the long run, but that is definitely a part of it. Those posters help remind me that I am a part of a greater entity and that it is up to me to do my part. I must be a working cog if the watch is expected to keep working. I am planning on attending at least one institute class this quarter besides committees. It won't be the same as my epic seven class quarter of 2 years ago, but it's a start.

Oh just because I know some of you won't ever see the posters actually hanging up at the institute, and because I love blatant self promotion, here are the 4 posters I designed. Please do tell me what you think, good or bad. I respect your thoughts and I can't get better if I don't get feedback.

9.16.2009

abandonment


I might elaborate more in the future, I just wanted to make sure I remembered to post this since it's pretty much exactly how I feel lately, though less to do with death and more to do with just loss.

9.06.2009

Halloween

This will be a quick and simple update, I just wanted to share this as an ringing in of the Halloween season. It's my absolute favorite retro pop website x-entertainment.com's Halloween jukebox! It's located right here, enjoy it if you dare.

As a quick plug, Matt does a lot of great work on this website when he finds time, especially on Halloween and Christmas time. If you ever wonder what I am talking about when I mention Knacks and Mare it's this site's fault. Read it, if you like me you will like it.

9.03.2009

Summer: A review

Alright so Derek pretty much commanded me to blog again ("update your blog, ho") and without much to actually talk about because not a whole lot has changed since my last blog with the exception being my stomach exploded from those damned mancakes I have decided to pull a cop out blog and just recap my summer. Sounds fun don't it?

If I were to summarize my summer it would be this - baseball, movies, Bumbershoot. However that makes a boring blog so let's go into detail on that.

Now I work for the Seattle Mariners so you would assume I would go to a baseball game or two however I believe I have been to at least 15 games this summer. Sometimes they lost, sometimes they won, every time I had fun. A few highlights would be of course my birthday party, finally learning how to keep score thanks to Laney, the crying White Sox fan, getting to hang out with Michelle and Jess outside of the store, my first Yankees game in 2 years, and getting the courage to go to a game by myself and not hate myself for it. I've still got another about 10 games left this month to build even more memories from. Should be fun.

I make no qualms about loving movies. I had a horribly planned and unspectacular movie blog that I frustratingly quit before it had a chance to be good for goodness sake! Summer is pretty much Christmas for me and my love of movies. Sure actual Christmas time is great for the release of movies that are up for awards that people pretend they saw to sound more sophisticated to people they want to impress, but one cannot deny the power of the Summer blockbuster. I wound up missing a lot of movies that I wanted to see this year but I did see some really good ones, thought it was still one of the more lacking Summer movie seasons I have experienced in a few years. My personal favorite would be Inglorious Basterds, or (500) days of Summer. I successfully shut my brain off for GI Joe and wound up enjoying that, Transformers 2 had it's moments. I hated Wolverine. The Hangover was hilarious though incredibly crass in parts. I'm still mad that I haven't seen Funny People, Moon, or District 9 yet.

Bumbershoot is this weekend and for really the first time, I am actually planning on going with some friends. Last year last minute I went with Kristin and Holland on Monday but this year I am am volunteering with Kurt and then my friends Jen and David will also be attending on Saturday and Monday so the only day I will be wondering by myself is Sunday. The artists I am most interested in seeing are Katy Perry, Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, The Not-Its!, All-American Rejects, Sick Puppies, Todd Barry, Eugene Mirman, Aziz Anzari, The Whore Moans, PATTON OSWALT, De La Soul, Sheryl Crow, Uh Huh Her, Christian Lander's Stuff White People Like, Cold War Kids, Dyme Def, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Common Market, The Benson Interuption, Holy F**k, MSTRKRFT, Jason Mraz, Raphael Saadiq, The Helio Sequence, The Minus 5, Wyatt Cenac, Say Hi, Writers of Lost (mostly just so I can ask them if I can get some of the drugs they are smoking to come up with that crap), The Black Eyed Peas, Maria Bamford, Dead Confederate, Franz Ferdinand, Head Like A Kite, Modest Mouse, 3 inches of blood, Metric, the Knux, DAVID CROSS, Swollen Members, U.S.E, U-N-I. Guess how many of these I will actually see. My guess is about a dozen. I suck at time management when it comes to Bumbershoot.... and everything else too I guess.




Sometimes I wish I had interesting things to talk about besides the same 3 things. Oh well, you're friends with me so I guess you're used to it.

7.29.2009

I'm not dead

I just haven't blogged in a good long while. It's not because I don't love you my dear, dear readers. No it's because nothing really interesting has happened to me. Life's little complications have come and gone with nary a reason to rant, or rave. Sure my Twitter account got hacked and as a result @allenbrand has been suspended until they can rationalize that perhaps someone with an account for over 2 years and over 12,000 updates isn't a spammer but instead just a victim. Apparently that takes 30 days minimally despite it being the most blatantly obvious miscarriage of justice this side of Rowe v. Wade. (I have no idea what Rowe v. Wade is. I am assuming it has something to do with using a rowboat or swimming).

That's really it though. And when your Twitter account being suspended is the biggest event in your life.... well you're just pretty danged boring and there is no reason to blog about anything.

My room is approximately 130 degrees right now. Is that blog worthy? No? Dang. I was really hoping I could make this less boring.

So here is my to do list for the remainder of this week. Maybe there is something interesting in here.

1. Karaoke tonight with Rachel, Jon, Dean, and some other fine folks I don't know. Should be a great time. I wonder how long I can withstand Jon's torture before I cave and sing.
2. Work, work, and more work. I work every day this week and as a result, I am going to most likely miss out on an amazing party being thrown by the Pearce Sisters this Friday. It's days like this that I miss driving. Have fun ladies.
3. Saturday has officially been booked by Dean. I have no idea what we are doing but it's going to be fun, relaxing, and great to see her more regularly since she is moving back to Seattle.
4. Mancakes. I have already conquered the 12 egg omelet at Beth's. Now it is time my stomach took a road trip. Portland here we come. 1 small stack of mancakes. Each one is 13" around and about an inch thick. One would think such a magnificent feast would cost the blood of your first born child, but no! You can have 3 mancakes for the low price of $4.50! How can I not at least try and feast on this beast?

Yeah that's all I have. For the most part my goal is to stay cool, and out of the heat while still having fun. Hopefully I will succeed. And if not, well there's always next week.

7.12.2009

I love my job part 590543

Alright I often talk about how much I love my job and how great it is, and today I would like to tell a short story about something that I got to do because of my job that I would never have been able to participate in otherwise. For at least the last 2 years, the Seattle Mariners have put together a little thank you for their front office employees. They gather all the players and coaches put them in one of the Safeco Field conference rooms and put together an autograph signing prior to a game. The only stipulation is if you attend you must get a signature from everyone. Absolutely everyone, from Lee Tinsley to Ken Griffey Jr. it doesn't matter what they sign just that they sign something. this truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity because while it has become somewhat of a tradition you never know if management will decide they don't want their players to do this because it takes their focus away from preparing for the game or some other excuse.

Last year I was able to get my boss to have my favorite player, Adrian Beltre, sign something for me, which was a real treat. This year though went above and beyond.

A few months ago my boss received an email with the date and time of the signing (July 11th, 2:00) saying that he was invited along with a guest to attend. Of course I figured he was going to attend, I just started thinking about who I wanted to get a signature from again this year. When he RSVP'd that it would be him and a guest, I was curious who his guest was so I could maybe ask them from a signature or two as well. So I start talking about it with Wes and I ask if he knew who he was taking and he kinda knew what I was hinting at and so he just said "Allen, would you like to be my guest?" with a mischievous smile on his face. I really couldn't tell if he was joking or not but I still said yes. He then said he was planning on selling the pass but that he would really like it if I went with him.

I was ecstatic and pretty much talked to everyone on the staff about how I was going and how great it was going to be. I wouldn't shut up about it. I'm convinced that they were all both really jealous about me going and really annoyed that I kept talking about it. thankfully I was kind enough to return the favor that Wes and Brent did for me last year by offering them one signature. Sure I lost some of my favorite players in that deal (Kenji, Lopez, and Felix) but it was still the right thing to do.

I looked forward to the July 11th date with the glee of a child awaiting santa on Christmas. I made lists of who's signatures I wanted, what I wanted them to sign, and how I would handle the people I didn't really care that much about (I love ya Chris Woodward but I really couldn't care less about your autograph). I debated on what I was going to get signed by some of my favorite players right up until the day of the event. I knew the vague details of what I wanted: a Game used bat, 3 baseballs (one for the players I don't care about, one for the bullpen, and one for the managers. apparently I'm too OCD to just put them all on one ball), photographs, mini batting helmets, and the absolute must have: a framed photo of Ken Griffey Jr. and Ichiro celebrating Ichiro's game winning Grand Slam earlier this season. After my discount everything totalled a little over $250 but again completely worth it as the value on most of the items immediately increased once pen was put to it (though I would never sell them, it's how I managed to convince myself to buy them).

Once Wes and I got there we found out the details of how it works. There are 17 tables. Each table has generally 2-3 players or coaches at them. You start at a randomly assigned table and rotate through numerically. Wes and I started at table 3, and ended at table 2. Simple. Concise. Trouble first started when they announced that about half of the players were stuck in traffic from the Sounders game that started at 1. Just another reason why I hate soccer. So they pushed back the start time to 2:15. Then as if the flood gates had opened the players and coaches began to filter in. Well all of them except our table. No they were another 10 minutes late so we kinda caused a log jam of sorts behind us. It took about 2 hours to make our way through all of the tables. Everyone was nice and polite, Mike Sweeney took time away from his DL stint to sign for us which was unexpected but cool nonetheless. He was seated with Griffey and proceeded to show extra attention and praise to the parents and children that attended, which was great to see. Carlos Silva also took time to join us and sat with Felix. most of the pitchers sat together actually and they had their own brand of fun. On more than one occasion I saw them throwing sharpies at another table full of pitchers. Very cool.

One last story to tell happened at the end of the event, Erik Bedard, who has a reputation through the press as a bit of a stick in the mud, was seated with Russell Branyan. As the clock ticked towards warm ups, Russell turned to Erik and tried to rush him through the last bit of attendees. Erik, who for those unaware is a starting pitcher which means he only pitches every 5 days and his next scheduled start was Sunday, turned to Russell and said "why do I need to hurry? I've got nothing better to do. you're the one with a game to play." Too funny.

Like I said this was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I am so glad that I had the chance to participate in. I can't thank Wes enough for allowing me to go with him. So thank you Seattle Mariners for reminding me that sometimes working for a baseball team has it's perks.

7.06.2009

I just...

deleted my movie blog. I hadn't written on it in forever and if I am going to be honest with myself I probably wouldn't. I liked the premise for my movie blog, old movies being reviewed instead of the movies of the now, but I came to the realization that it is better suited for a column on a blog instead of a whole blog. I just couldn't quite think of topics to write about and because of that it also effected a bit my writing on this blog. You might not have noticed it but, to me at least, it was there. Maybe Mom N Pop Video Shoppe (I really love that title) will be back, maybe it won't. Either way it was fun while it lasted.

On a semi-related subject I bought a new blu-ray player that can play my netflix instant queue. I'm not going to lie my kids* are going to have to be pretty awesome in order to supplant this as my greatest achievement.**



*when I have them.
** I'm kidding of course. No kid will ever be as awesome as this blu-ray player.

7.01.2009

Readerboards and constant questions

I live across the street from a church. It's one of those churches that utilize the McDonald's style reader boards to try and encourage people to either attend their services or just give people a little something to think about. I won't lie I usually read them since my bedroom perfectly overlooks the church and I laugh at how silly or absurd they are. A couple weeks ago though they had one up there that actually managed to get me thinking. All it said was "how do you want to be remembered?" I read that every day for about 2 weeks before they took it down and pondered that very question over and over again in my head. What about me do I want people to remember? What will I do to insure my legacy? What will people think about when they think of me when I am gone? I asked all these questions and I realized that what I wanted to be remembered as and what I thought I actually would be remembered as were two different things.

How I want to be remembered:
Funny, caring, loving, sincere, friendly, honest, creative, hardworking.

How I think I would be remembered as of right now:
Funny to a point, loud, harsh, brutal, liar, clever, quitter, that dude who twitters too much, sweet when no one is looking.

Now I know that's a lot of my perception and not how people think which I am sure i will get some reassuring comments that I have it all wrong but my question is how can I get my perception of my behavior to better fit what I want it to be? I can start by being nicer to the people that I love. I can try and not be as mean to everyone. I don't need to make others look bad just to make myself feel better. I need to be honest. To everyone. About everything. I need to stop feeling bad about the decisions that I made in the past just because they aren't traditional or what everyone else thinks is my potential. Speaking of that word I hate, I need to start living up to my potential. At work, at church, socially, and personally. After all if all these people that are close to me see so much of it in me it obviously is there and I need to actually realize it might actually be there and I need to stop selling myself short.

6.26.2009

I have found the stupidest song ever

Okay that might be a bit harsh to say but I honestly can't think of a song that is more absurd and awful. What is the name of this song? "Boy Meets Girl" by Evan Taubenfeld. This is the song that convinced me listening to the lyrics to songs is a horrible idea because they will make your head explode. Don't believe me? Here's the music video that for some reason decided they wanted to showcase these wonderful lyrics for all the world to see -



Now imagine hearing that song at least 3 times a day with no escape because you're at work. Let's delve into it's stupidity just a little more with an in depth look at the "lyrics" shall we? (the lyrics are in italics)

la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la,
la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Only slightly annoying. No real issue with this. Everyone likes a good la la right?


With a bang
She was there
yeah she blew up off my cover,
wasn't looking for a lover

Okay really? You weren't looking for a lover and yet it happened with a bang? Great message for your preteen audience there buddy.


And i crashed
I fell a part
And now i'm picking up the pieces
No, they're not exactly reese's


What are you E.T? Also I understand your audience loves candy but that doesn't mean you have to mention them in an attempt to find something they might understand about this song.


But it's a start
Did you ever think i'd let you go?
You're the only thing i've ever known


That certainly explains a lot about this illiterate jumbled mess of a song that you wrote.


Chorus:
Its like twisted sister
meets mr. mister
It's like a rolling thunder
Meets a careless whisper
Its like jesus jones and the rolling stones in a game of twister
Its Like Boy Meets Girl!
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la,
la, la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,


Okay this drives me nuts. I have zero clue what he's talking about other than apparently Jesus Jones and the Rolling Stones love twister. Welcome to the land of fail Evan. Population: you and your career as a song writer.


And she went right.
And i went wrong.
By the time i turn around and look for her over my shoulder she was gone.


She must have been running really fast after hearing this loving tribute to her.


I'll never know
How to make her favorite drink
And does she like the color pink
and hate her toes?


You probably should have asked her these questions sometime before the start off "bang". Just a thought.


But did you think i'd let you go?
I Think I always knew that we'd grow old.


The song is about a girl that he met, slept with, and then lost. And yet he knew they would grow old together? Newsflash genius - you won't.


Chorus:
Its like twisted sister
meets mr mister.
It's like a shout at the devil (shout, oh)
meets a careless whisper.
It's like Motorhead and the grateful dead in a game of twister
It's like boy meets girl.


Where are all these famous rock bands getting together to play Twister? Also if I were Lemmy from Motorhead I would find this guy and rip out his spine just for mentioning them in this song.



Bridge:
When i when i saw you,i could see.
i wanna wanna have you lying next to me.


And you succeeded remember? Congratulations you finally got something right.


I wish that i can take it back.
put you on my favorite track, and play ya on repeat
And every day since then is incomplete.


Since when?


Chorus:
It's like twisted sister
Meets mr mister
Its like a rolling thunder meets a careless whisper
Its like Fleetwood Mac, Biggie and 2-pac in a game of twister.
it's like boy meets girl.


Okay. No. Stop with the Twister. I realize not a lot of boardgames rhyme with whisper but I don't care come up with something else.. Biggie and Tupac (by the way it's pronounces Tu pock not Two Pack idiot.) would never play twister, if for no other reason than they are dead. There is no need to have a total of 6 bands or musicians playing twister. Maybe a few of them could play Yahtzee, or even Monopoly.


la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,
la,la,la,la,la,la,la, la
it's like boy meets girl.
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la,
la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Its like you and me girl(la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,)
You'll always be my girl (la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,)
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,


This is too much with the la la.

6.12.2009

Oh yeah I have a Blog

After being called out for lack of writing by no less than 79 people* (actually 2 but let's pretend I'm popular) I have decided to let everyone know how my birthday went. The entire weekend I was freaking out because I still had at least half of the tickets that people had purchased for the baseball game, and I was worried that people were going to back out or that I wouldn't see someone and then they wouldn't have the ticket that they paid me for. I don't know if I am going to do this again next year because of this stress. I took a lot out on my friends (sorry again everyone), and I wound up worrying about nothing.

So here's how I spent my actual birthday -

I woke up from a phone call from my good friend Zach who was supposed to be coming into town for my party. Turns out he had a little financial mishap and couldn't make it. I was completely understanding and we put some casual plans in order for a game later in the season.

I then laid around the house and watched movies.

At 3 I finally got ready to go out and I then caught a bus down to Safeco. The gates opened at 5 but I had to drop off a jersey that I needed to get lettered that I purchased for myself as a birthday present. I also had to drop some tickets off at will call for the people who I don't see all that often but were still coming. So I had 2 hours before most people would arrive to kill and I was by myself. Yay!

Quick note: I didn't mind being alone or being there as early as I was. It gave me a chance to get my jersey done before the game started and I also got to walk around the stadium and say hi to all my old co-workers that I love oh so much. I did wind up spending some more money on a Russell Branyan T-shirt but it was still a good thing I got there early.

The first guest I saw was Julean, unless you count seeing Ally and Morgan in the bus depot and them not seeing me. I don't know how they missed me but I'll take it. There were a total of 60 people including myself at my party and it was a lot of fun. My favorite part surprisingly enough was when everyone sang me "Happy Birthday". I usually hate this part and find it incredibly embarrassing but for some reason it just made me smile when at least 100 people are singing to me. Yes there were only 60 people there that knew me but complete strangers felt compelled to sing along. As Mark so wonderfully put it "it sounded like the entire ballpark was singing to you."

Oh yeah last year due to some diet mix up I didn't get a birthday cake. My friends were nice enough to not make me a cake because I was on a diet. I respect that. Still I whined about it for the entire year, at every single birthday party and every other chance I had. So in return I received two birthday cakes this year. Moral of the story: Whining and complaining work. I should do it more often. Big thanks to Mark Johnson, Kaylene Faucette and Leah Plank for the cakes, they were a little dry. Work on that for next year ;)

I only have a small batch of pictures from the game but I wanted to say thank you to Aimee for taking every last one of them.

I love this place... and Imri's failed Nazi salute.
Aimee loves taking pictures of me on my phone. I think I am on it a bit too much
Have no fear my texting thumb is a-ok!
If you ever have a chance, watch sports with Kurt. He knows absolutely nothing but it's hilarious!
this is about a third of the people there for me.Morgan and Jenny: I hate them for stealing my thunder. It's my birthday and yet which freaking adorable couple got on the big screen twice? Pure hate!This is Aimee. She took these pictures. Coincidentally this is probably the only time I saw her smile at the game. Why? Because I'm a jerk that's why.Stephen Barr: The latest person in history. he showed up in the 7th inning. I'm still glad he came though.

6.01.2009

My birthday presents

So as all of you should know today is my birthday (if you don't know this why are we friends again? Oh yeah, I'm awesome.) With every birthday comes the memory of birthday presents and the awesome parties you had growing up. And then the depression sits in when you realize there will be no presents this year, because you're too old for that sweet lego set you want.


one day this will be mine!


However I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have grown to realize that I may not get flashy toys, or that new bike I have always wanted, but I still get birthday presents. And so with that I am going to share with you all of the awesome birthday presents I have received this year. try not to be jealous they are pretty awesome.

1. My mom gave me life and the constant knowledge that no matter how much I screw up she will always love me. She also gave me the peace of mind that comes when you know the people you love the most love you back.
2. Shawn Trieber helped me to understand just how much I mean to those I have come in contact with throughout my life, even if I have lost contact with them until recently.
3. The Youngs in particular Leah, Anna and Margaret have given me a sense of family that I forgot I had. It feels so good to know that I belong.
4. Zach Wadsworth gave me the joys of knowing that people do love me.
5. 60 people have reminded me that I am someone people love to hang out with and enjoy being around. I would list them here but I don't want this to get too long.
 
6. Dean has given me a new life so many times and kept me from jumping that I feel as if I owe her my entire life.
7. Mark Johnson has given me a level head, not allowing me to think too highly of my accomplishments while still making me feel like a success.
8. Derek Child has been an amazing example to me of the type of man I should strive to be through his actions and unwavering love for his friends.
9. Kristin Wegener and Holland Avery have given me an understanding that sometimes the things I do and say can hurt those that I love the most. I don't expect you to ever call me your friend again but I still wanted to take this time to say I am sorry.
10. Chris Draney gave me a friend when I had none.
11. Aimee Elber has taught me that even the most angelic of people can grow frustrated with the actions of others, and yet they still try so hard to make everyone around them happier.
12. Serena Miles has taught me a lot about forgiveness.
13. Kurt Kaiser has provided me with laughter and acceptance, when all logic should dictate that I should have been kicked out of his little pink playhouse a long time ago (mostly for saying things like he has a little pink playhouse).
14. Twitter has given me an outlet for all of my thoughts.
15. This blog has given me a place to rant so those around me don't have to listen to it (oh they still do but on a much smaller scale than before)
16. Jon Cox has given me a glimpse into the man I could be if I just stopped being so negative.
17. Adam Hamilton has given me, for the first time ever, actual regret and sadness over not writing him on his mission. I'm still not going to write him because I'm a stubborn jerk like that but I do feel bad about it.
18. My dad has given me my sense of humor, my intellect, and my love of all things shiny.
19. My stepmother has given me an increased awareness of organic and the benefits of shopping locally.
20. And finally (I wanted to do 29 but this was getting to be way too long) all of my friends have given me acceptance, joy, peace, and love. I don't say it enough but I do appreciate all that you have given to me, whether you have known me for a day, a month, or in the case of many of you my whole life. When I find myself asking why I keep going, you are the answer. Thank you all for your birthday presents, they mean more to me than you will ever know.

5.28.2009

I'm Getting Too Old For This

There really are few ways around it. It happens to everyone no matter how much it seems like it won't. I am becoming old. Not just in age mind you, I am not going to insinuate that the fact that I am turning 29 tomorrow is what I am fully blaming for this transformation, it's not. No I am getting old in mind, and body as well as the age factor. To put it bluntly: while I only look like this

I feel more like this:

I just feel ancient and old. All my friends are younger than me, and when you look at their faces you actually do see some sort of weird glow about them where they have so much to look forward to and they are just annoyingly happy about it. Meanwhile a lot of my good years are behind me. I have accepted my fate and while I have been able to find peace and joy within those confines I still don't feel the same way I did when I was 24. I know that glow isn't really there for me anymore. I still have so much to look forward to but instead of seeing it as something I have ahead of me I have reached the moments when I start to wonder if I missed something along the way.

And constantly looking into your past for something that wasn't ever there is pointless. You can't go back for it, even if you realize that one moment where if you had taken a left instead of a right your life would have been on the track you think you want. You still can't make that turn. It's done. You can't fix it. And so with that in mind I am going to turn my mind from the past, and look forward to the future. And hopefully I will find this again.

5.14.2009

An addendum to my Lost post

So as it stands I was pretty mean and laid it on really thick to some people I hold dear to me in my life. they didn't deserve it no matter how frustrated I was with the things they did. So to make amends I offer this little post, in Alphabetical order -

Aimee - I love that you call me out on my crap even when I am joking and you don't realize it. I love that you are always willing to go out of your way to make people happy even if it means spending all day in the kitchen slaving over treats people will take from granted.

Derek - You truly are one of my best friends and I love spending time with you. I love when you make me laugh and I love that you are always willing to hang out with me. Sorry I fell asleep watching Golden Eye last night.

Erin - I love your infectious smile and your genuine laugh. You are a simply an amazing person who always brings an air of wonderfulness to the room.

Imri - I admire your sense of style and your compassion for your fellow man. I always appreciate the few moments that I do get to spend with you because you always find a new way to surprise me.

Joe Pete - I honestly don't know you so here's a nice thing about you, I really like your goatee.

Kaylene - Your bubbly and happy attitude is one in a million and I can't imagine a world without it. Your drive to make those around you happy does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. I'm sorry I snapped at you when you got up to spit out your gum.

Mark - You are one of the most caring people I know despite often acting like the most selfish person I know. You will go out of your way to help in any way you can when you see a friend in danger and you also have a way of making everyone's hardships funny and livable.

Troy - Your personality fills a room and your lack of a care in the world (at least to the outside eye) is always something I will strive to copy and achieve in my own life.

This post wasn't done just to suck up to those who I could have offended with my words, but rather it's goal was to show that even through all my frustrations with the way things go I still appreciate and cherish the time spent with my friends. Thank you for putting up with me.

The Square Root of 3 by David Feinberg

I fear that I will always be
a lonely number like root 3
a 3 is all that's good and right
why must my 3 keep out of sight
beneath a vicious square root sign
I wish instead I were a 9
for 9 could thwart this evil trick
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun
as 1.7321
such is my reality
a sad irrationality
when hark! what is this I see
another square root of a 3
has quietly come waltzing by
together now we multiply
to form a number we prefer
rejoicing as an integer
we break free from our mortal bonds
and with a wave of magic wands
our square root signs become unglued
and love for me has been renewed.

When Allen Met Lost

So here's the thing, I had never watched a single episode of Lost until this season. I heard it was touch and go drama full of random acts of randomness that served no purpose except to leave the viewer screaming WTF loud enough to wake their neighbors crammed into a single hour every Wednesday. I have no time for a second show like that. I already watch Heroes, a show I find vastly superior. However I was still invited to a Lost party for the premiere.

I replied that I don't watch the show but thanks for the invite. Then of course I wound up with the time off from work and nothing better to do. I love social gatherings and I figured why not it's just one episode and I will get to support my friend Aimee whom I love dearly. It couldn't possibly be that bad. Besides the way mark talks about it makes it feel like it's the second coming of Christ in TV form so maybe it actually is pretty good.

Turns out my hatred for it was justified. It was confusing, confounded, full of unnecessary scenes and action. Nothing made sense. And I know anyone who is a fan of the show will chime in with "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU STARTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON! YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT FROM THE BEGINNING!" but here's the thing - this isn't a movie. It's a TV show. If I sit down and watch the aforementioned Heroes, true for my first episode I might be a little disjointed but you will still have a general feeling for what is going on, and I honestly feel that after a couple episodes in the current story arch you will get it without needing to go back through the entire series. And that is how it should be. Every week you want new viewers. People who didn't watch the week before, or the year before. that's how you judge a show's popularity. However Mr. Abrams missed that note and decided none of that mattered and as a quick way to sell DVD box sets he was going to make it as confusing and unexplained as possible so new viewers will need to buy the box sets thinking they will understand something but the truth is they won't because the show has ALWAYS been a disorganized mess.

And so with that I decided that I didn't like the show. However I still liked my friends that would gather together somewhere to watch so I continued to watch. And every single week I was just as lost as the last week. I often joked that it was just for Aimee's cupcakes but it was the people and happiness that they felt while watching it. The cupcakes, while always delicious meant less than nothing to me. I also have always gotten a kick out of watching girls jump and scream when something completely obviously startling is about to happen, it makes me laugh. I was often asked why I still watched it when I still actively campaigned against it and talked about how annoying I thought it was. This paragraph is your answer.

And then last night happened.

I think I finally started to figure out the show and vaguely tolerate it. I mean I am still not going to "catch up" on the show and watch everything from beginning but it is an interesting allegory about good vs evil and the plight of man when looking for answers about his own mortality.

However people watching became annoying. My friends went from fun and quirky about this show to quite honestly heartless banshees. I have zero problem starting a little late thanks to DVR, but apparently everyone in that room, despite others coming late were chomping at the bit and completely inconsiderate to the people who were late. I understand wanting to watch the show but the stupid thing will still be there if we start it now or 3 weeks from now. I had no real intention of watching the show. I would sit there and watch their reactions just like I always do when i watch with them. However due to my roommate Mark's inability to understand the concept of a remote control or the fast forward and play buttons on said remote control (the one that works EXACTLY like a VCR or DVD player) I had to watch intently and of course fast forward through all the commercials. And heaven help me if I couldn't get the remote to work because someone's head was in the way and I went forward into the actual show. Audible gasps and chants of "stop it Allen you went too far!" were heard echoing through our living room. The thing also goes backwards people. I am not a trained monkey who's job it is to fast forward through the commercials so you don't have to watch them. No I'm a real person who knows how a remote control works (which apparently makes me smarter than someone with a finance degree from the University of Washington's Business School) so perhaps you people need to lay off and let me do the thing none of you could/were willing to do.

Oh and let's not forget the ever nervous and twitchy Mark Johnson for second guessing me when I said I fixed our cable so the HD channels work just fine and that the ENTIRE reason I did it so urgently earlier this week was because I wanted to have people over for Lost. He did this at least 4 times. "did you record it?" "well which channel are you recording?" "so 104 is working now?" "are you sure?". Nothing bothers me more than when people are A. unappreciative of the things I do for them, and B. second guess my abilities, especially those when it comes to setting up electronic devices.

Anyway it's the end of the night and it's time to go home. How many thanks did I get for inviting people over? I will go with 2, Erin is usually good for a considerate thanks and Troy was also good about it. How many thanks did I get for operating the oh so complicated remote? None. How many thanks did I get for recording it so people could be late? Only those people that were late, because the others were too busy complaining about the fact that they had to be patient never mind that they still reaped the benefits of the late party by missing the commercials.

I know I shouldn't hold it against them, they were excited. And yet I still can't help but be disappointed by their behavior. I'll get over it, I always do (and in the interest of full disclosure I already pretty much am thanks to writing this blog).

And yet part of me is wishing for another writers strike so they have to have another season postponed. That'll teach 'em.

5.13.2009

What the EF?

I watched a lot of movies recently so I could catch up. Here are the E's and F's of my collection.


In alphabetical order- E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas, Eragon, The Family Man, The Fast And The Furious, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Fifth Element, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Best Movie: Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I absolutely love this movie and one day hope to recreate it in my every day life.

Worst Movie: Eragon. Okay there were so many things they could have done with this to make it good and the cast was there but instead it fell flat and came across cheesy. How do you screw up Jeremy Irons and John Malcovich in the same movie? HOW?

Favorite Movie: The Fifth Element. It's a beautiful message and a wonderful story, combined with some of the most breathtaking visuals ever done in a movie either before or after it. Timeless.

Most Surprisingly Good Movie: The Family Man. It stars Nicolas Cage and yet it didn't suck. I know that's hard to believe based on his recent track record but no he actually is good in this.

Most Surprisingly Bad Movie: Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas. I am chalking this one up as simply being out of season for watching it because I know around Christmas time I absolutely love the Gift of The Magi acted out with muppets.

Most Surprising Movie I Don't Own: The Exorcist. The absolute perfect scary movie. I have already praised my love for this movie enough early on in my blog so I won't again but that is more the reason why I am surprised I don't own it.

Why In The HECK Do I Own: Honestly I know why I own every single movie on there and I am not embarrassed by any of them, yes even Emmet Otter.

And with that I am all caught up with my blog updates for my resolution. Next up, G and H. Wish me luck there's a lot of bad out there with those ones.

I can't think of a clever title for my D movies

I have a lot of catching up to do with my resolution and I am actually surprised how long this has taken me. It has become increasingly easier for me to just watch my Netflix movies instead of my own movies when I come to a movie I really don't want to watch. I also had my first scare of this whole thing when I got to Die Hard 2 the disc was missing. Turns out whoever borrowed it from me last forgot to put the movie back in the case. Thankfully Netflix was there to save the day.


In alphabetical order- The Dark Knight, Death At a Funeral, Definitely, Maybe, Deja Vu, Delirious, Die Hard, Die Hard 2 Die Harder, Die Hard With a Vengeance, Live Free or Die Hard (Note: I put this one in as Die Hard 4 because I hate the Title Live Free or Die Hard), Dirty Dancing, Dirty Love

Best Movie: With so many good movies to choose from I am going to have to go with The Dark Knight as the best movie. It is simply a wonderful dark and twisted movie that proves that comic book movies don't have to play nice.

Worst Movie: There are a few movies in there that are extra horrible but I think for worst movie I will have to pick on Deja Vu. There were too many plot holes filled in with gibberish and way too many characters saying or doing something very, very stupid in it. And it just got under my skin.

Favorite Movie: This is an easy one for me: Dirty Dancing. I have a lot of fun and wonderful memories of this movie growing up. I was continually tortured to the soundtrack when I was growing up but it is through those memories I will always have fond memories of this movie. (if I am taking nostalgia out of the equation the actual answer to best movie is Definitely, Maybe)

Most Surprisingly Good Movie: Delirious. Now I am a huge fan of stand up comedy which has already been discussed and this is a classic Eddie Murphy stand up movie. However I wasn't quite sure how well it would stand the test of time. Would the things he talked about still be relevant to today? And would it still be funny? The answer was for the most part yes. I was slightly put off by his blatant homophobia that he opens the show with but then I remembered it was the 80's and that's just how things were.

Most Surprisingly Bad Movie: Death at a Funeral. This movie had a lot of hype thrown at it from friends but in the end I just didn't get a lot of it. Maybe I just hate British humour. I did enjoy bits and pieces of it but not enough to warrant watching again.

Most Surprising Movie I Don't Own: Dogma. With my obsession with Kevin Smith and his movies one would think I would own them all. Apparently I don't, which is a shame because Dogma is quite good.

Why In The HECK Do I Own: Dirty Love?????? This movie was atrocious on all levels. The writing was weak, the jokes fell flat, the love story had no structure. I had no feeling for the characters that is required to make a romantic comedy work. And yet I own this movie. I have a feeling the fact that I once thought Jenny McCarthy was one of the hottest women on the planet played a pivotal role in me purchasing this horrible, horrible film.

So far I think I would call D my favorite of this movie watching journey, the good were really good and the bad weren't really that horrible with the exception of Dirty Love, and I will forgive them that one horrible movie for the sake of the rest.

5.10.2009

My Four Moms

I had an entirely different blog written for today but I realized that this would be a little more timely and important to talk about.

I have four mothers.

No my family isn't polygamists despite the Mormon Myth. I was birthed by one woman but throughout my life I have been raised by many and I love all of them as my mother, and they have treated me as if I was their son. On this day devoted to mothers I want to devote this blog post to them.

Mother #1 - Sandra Brand

This one is the easy one to explain why she's mom to me - she birthed me, but as I have learned in the past it takes more than birthing to make someone a mother and this woman has earned that title tenfold. She has inspired me to follow my heart and given me a role model for strength and is the personification of every virtue I could ever dream of becoming. As a single mother she very easily could have given up and accepted her fate but instead she persevered and pushed through all of her trials to raise the man who I have become. All I have done and wish to become is a testament to her. I love you Mom.

Mother #2 - Catherine Brand *photo not included because I can't find a good one but trust me she's beautiful*

Another easy one to explain why she is mom to me - She married my dad. She has done absolutely everything in her power to endear herself to me and help me in every possible way. I have no doubt that she played a main part in me moving up to Seattle. She tolerated living with me for over a year and a half. Trust me that's a big deal ask my roommates. In these years that she has been married to my father I have grown to love her as a mother, not just because of the things she does for me (of which there are many) but because of the perspective she has given me as a strong minded individual who never accepts no as a response. Always questioning, always learning. Constantly questing for answers to allow her to understand what is going on around her and absolutely wanting to help others with all that they need.

Mother #3 - Lynette Young
Ah my extended family. The closest thing I had to brothers and sisters would be the Young's. They were the friends that my mom trusted unequivocally to take care of me. Lynnette started out for me as my Den mother in scouts back when I actually enjoyed scouts. She taught me so many lessons and did such a wonderful job as a positive influence in my life especially when it could have been lost to the dark side. There was a time when this was my family. Fourth grade was difficult to me as I spent most of it in foster care. This wonderful family rescued me from a horrible, horrible foster home and took me in and showed me love. I lived with them for about 6 months and I truly grew to love them. I still remember my birthday from that year if for no other reason than my best friend Shawn ruined my presents and got in a lot of trouble with Lynnette for doing so. He never ever told me another gift I was given ever again. I know that even to this day I could turn to them if I ever needed something or just wanted to talk. Oh how I love them, all of them.

Mother #4 - Anita Farrell

Once I moved out on my own I found myself in Pasco and honestly that was the best possible thing that could have happened to me. I grew so much in my time in Pasco and I owe a great deal of that growth to Anita and Pres Farrell. I wasn't the most active member before I moved to Pasco, but I made a decision that once I moved there that it was time for a fresh start and so I decided to start going to church regularly. Pres was my branch president and was highly active in talking and meeting with members of the branch. I met with him every single week for a year, not because I was doing something wrong or working through some sin but because he cared. It is because of him I am an elder. It is because of him I have my patriarchal blessing. It is because of him I am endowed. Now Anita was always a doll. She spoke her mind and pulled no punches. In an effort to allow me to save money and to just keep me out of trouble no doubt they would let me come over to their house and do laundry every single week. I would come over every Wednesday with laundry ready to go, help Pres watch their grand kids during the day. Often they would feed me and generally take care of me in a time when I most needed it.

In a world where a lot of people aren't lucky enough to have one mother I have been blessed to have four of the best possible women fill that role. And so this Mother's day I wanted to take the time to say two things I don't know if I said it enough to properly show how much these women mean to me.

Thank you and I love you.

4.28.2009

Gay is the new straight

This should surprise no one when I say this -

I am straight.

Okay apparently that statement does surprise a few people. In the past I have been outed as gay by at least 3 people. Well one of them outed me, two of them asked my friends if I was gay.

I don't mind being called gay, in fact I almost consider it a compliment. Many of the best people in my life are gay. they motivate me to be a better person and inspire me in ways I honestly don't believe a straight friend could. While constantly belittling me they often find time to remind me of just how much hope they have in me as a person and what they think I am capable of. Kurt, Mark, and Austin thank you.

I know we joke about it all the time but I honestly do get a lot of the tips and ideas on how I should dress, and what styles I should be looking at from Kurt specifically. Sure I could match colors just fine before I met him but since I have actually been able to pull off coordinating outfits and stop constantly wearing Mariners gear. I will not hesitate to say I flat out steal Kurt's trends and fashion and claim it as my own. Yes I am aware that makes them not "cool" anymore but the joy is this - none of my straight friends realize this and I still get compliments every time I kill one of Kurt's fashion statements.

Case in point - Kurt doesn't go to church regularly (honestly I can't blame him one bit) but when he does he will dress in church clothes and on his feet are a pair of black Converse sneakers. he has been doing this pretty much the entire time I have known him. Shoot it's the name of one of his many blogs. I envied him for this and thought I could never pull it off. Then one day I decided I wanted to try it. I wore my suit and a pair of black chucks. I'd say at least 7 people commented on it in a positive manner. Kurt not so much. I could sense his disdain for me with every compliment because no one ever said anything to him about it. Well Kurt I'm telling you now, I wouldn't have even thought to wear them if you didn't look so good in them. It's your fault for inspiring me.

Anyway I have steered away from the point I intended to make with this blog so let's get back on subject. On the 18th of this month I experienced a first for me. I had a gay date. Oh sure I have had awkwardly gay movie watching experiences, but never a full fledged date. Kurt was my victim this time around and as with most dates I have he didn't seem at all interested in me sexually so thank you Kurt for not taking me out of my element by being into me. We wound up getting some dinner and watching a stand up show by Doug Benson. Doug was really funny, as were Peter Greyy and Graham Elwood. I had a great time with Kurt, in fact as much as it sounds weird to say, our date was one of the best ones I have been on in awhile. And while neither of us are interested in each other in a way to make anything happen (what with me liking girls and Kurt liking attractive boys) it did teach me something about what I want in a significant other.

I want someone who gets me. I want someone who I have no problem sitting in complete silence with. I want someone who will laugh at my jokes, and say their own. I want someone who appreciates the lesser things in life like ridiculously high comics. I want someone I can be myself around without fear of judgement. I want someone who, despite that last thing, still inspires me to be a better person, not for them but for myself.

So thank you Kurt, for helping me find who I want. And for not being it.

ignore the two people in the middle, SOMEONE still hasn't uploaded the pictures from our date so this is the best I had.