Then my computer broke. I became lazy when it came to fixing it, and as a result I lost my place. Soon institute committees just became Friday breakfast for me, as I would show up, sit silently, help as little as possible, make a few sarcastic jokes, and then eat. Through this I then started becoming more avoiding when it came to actual church. I started being more willing to work more on Sundays. I didn't home teach, at all. My world became a little darker and frustrating place. I won't blame all this on my computer as these things have always been a part of my mind and personality, it's just the more I felt I wasn't contributing, the more I also found myself thinking that no one would miss me if I wasn't there, even once my computer was fixed I avoided making posters or helping out simply because I had decided it wasn't worth my time anymore.
This year however a dear friend of mine is the Institute President, and Brother Knowles and he went out of their way to ask me to design some posters for the upcoming quarter. Knowing that Jon had the ability to make these himself, it really meant a lot to me that he would still chose to come to me and ask me to do it. And so I started designing again. At first it was frustrating and my perfectionist side came out again, but I pressed on and remembered that perfection isn't possible, I created four posters that will be hanging around the institute for awhile. It felt really good to be able to say without a shadow of doubt that I belong and that I am contributing to something that is a great cause. I have felt so much better about myself since I started designing again. It has encouraged me to improve myself in other areas as well. I am walking home from work again, and in the near future I will be learning some Yoga as well, thanks to Dean.
I won't want to say this is all because of designing some silly posters that don't really matter all that much in the long run, but that is definitely a part of it. Those posters help remind me that I am a part of a greater entity and that it is up to me to do my part. I must be a working cog if the watch is expected to keep working. I am planning on attending at least one institute class this quarter besides committees. It won't be the same as my epic seven class quarter of 2 years ago, but it's a start.
Oh just because I know some of you won't ever see the posters actually hanging up at the institute, and because I love blatant self promotion, here are the 4 posters I designed. Please do tell me what you think, good or bad. I respect your thoughts and I can't get better if I don't get feedback.