Reconnecting a disconnected life

As many of you know I am moving in a couple days, back into my dad's home in Wallingford for a couple months just so I can get back on my feet and find a place to live. I'm not gonna lie- this was my stepmom's idea. See my dad and I have always had an interesting relationship. Talking with him about anything outside of the trivial has always been difficult. Anything outside of the realm of work, school, TV, books, movies, or computers and it becomes a long awkward silence punctuated with tears and very few words. When I think about that last statement it makes it hard to believe what I am going to say next - I am excited to live with my dad again, even for a short while.

Growing up my dad was my best friend. We'd play games, he would teach me so many wonderful things. Without him I would have no idea how to conquer the Legend of Zelda. He would do absolutely anything for me, anything. I remember one Christmas I asked for the entire collection of M.A.S.K. figures. I doubt anyone knows what I am talking about, essentially cars that turned into planes driven by guys with superpowered masks fighting crime (Oh how I miss the 80's). Well my dad took a trip to Spokane, a good 3 hours away from our home at the time, a couple times a month until Christmas and bought me these toys. All of them. I can't imagine how much time, dedication and love went into that gift. It was more than the money. And yes this is where I learned that if you love someone you buy them things. I didn't say everything he taught me was GOOD, I just said he taught me things.

Once my parents divorced a few years later, slowly but surely my dad vanished from my life. He wanted to be there, I don't want any of you reading this to think he was a deadbeat dad who ignored his son, he wasn't. He would still send me birthday cards and presents. He always tried to help me realize that he loved me. I knew that he did, but due to some complicated matters that I don't think I will share today, he couldn't be there with me through a lot of the harder times in my life outside of the child support checks. Eventually that's all he became to me were those checks. I couldn't see or talk to him because of my stupid decisions to not help. Again, it wasn't entirely his fault that he wasn't there. I wouldn't let him be there.

Once he was finally able to talk with me again it shocked my system. I wasn't expecting that phone call and when we talked it was always quiet. Very few things were said but that silence spoke enough for the two of us. Slowly we found common ground. We discovered those pointless topics we could talk about without actually saying anything. Occasionally we would try and talk about something real but it never really worked. The time had passed to talk about them. I had decided that they weren't worth discussing when they were important and now they still have too much sting behind them to talk about because we failed when it comes to opening up those channels.

I realize that very little can change in the next couple months to mend these wounds that have done nothing but grow and fester over the last twenty years, but at the same time I have faith that the beginnings of growth and healing can happen this time around. I know there are things I need to say to him and if these lines of communication aren't opened I never will be able to say them.


I love this boy

I met Mark very early in my Seattle adventure at a mutual friend's party. He was just visiting her from Spokane if I remember correctly. He seemed like an interesting kid and I thoroughly enjoyed the little bit we interacted. As I did at the time I went home and found him on Myspace and added him as a friend. Thankfully this silly little personal trait of needing to increase my myspace friends list through mere acquaintances and high school friends I don't talk with any longer has ended. Now I use Facebook. This "friendship" lasted about 2 weeks until Mark deleted me thinking he would never see me again. About 2 months later he was living in Seattle, in my ward and one of my favorite people.

Instead of just continuing to tell the story of Mark and I instead I'm just gonna break down into a list, aka the bloggers crutch, of some of my favorite Mark traits and/or moments. These are in no particular order, and I will stop when I get bored.

1. My hair apparently only looks good to Mark when I am sick.
2. I have never seen someone who seems to thrive on the failures of others try so hard for his friends to not actually fail.
3. If you ask Mark for something, chances are you will get it. Maybe not exactly how you expected to get it but you will get it.
4. If it's your birthday and you know mark even remotely, you will get a cake. The level of your friendship with him will be shown with the amount of effort and work he put into it.
5. Mark tries really hard. He may not always succeed, but he tries really hard. I think I love that most about him.
6. If I were to calculate just how much money/gas I owed Mark for all the trips, the pick ups, and the rides he's given me I'm pretty sure it would be four digits.
7. Now that I have mentioned that he'll probably make a joke about wanting to get that money.
8. He won't be kidding.
9. I'm not sure if this is Mark's favorite Allen story, but he tells it better than I do so be sure to ask him about me being pooped on by a bird.
10. Keep in mind at least 50% of it will be exaggerated.
11. Of all the roommates I am losing this month Mark is the one I will miss the most.
12. I am legitimately worried a polar bear is going to eat Mark within the first 3 months he is in Alaska.
13. He is probably vain enough to really love this entire post.
14. Except that last fun fact.
15. He stopped reading after the first paragraph.
16. I may make fun of Mark's love for boy bands and pop music but I wish I loved something that much.
17. No Mark, Happy Feet is not about the struggles of being a gay Mormon. it's about dancing penguins.
18. It is based on a true story though.
19. I'm jealous of his relationship with Kurt... well except for the gay parts of it.
20. You can finger paint with anything. Just stick your head in there.

I am truly thankful and grateful for the friendship that Mark has given to me these years. He has broadened my views and made me a better person over it all. Thank you Mark, for being you and reminding me of the person I should want to be. Well without liking boys. I'm afraid you're on your own on that one buddy. Have fun in Alaska, be safe, and be sure to never forget us.

For the record when I say don't forget us, I mean his friends, not that one time we hooked up. I would very much like it if you WOULD forget that Mark.



I wanna keep this little thing.

Last night when I came home from seeing Zombieland with Dean (really, REALLY fun movie.) this little kitty came running up to my door as if she belonged there and we had accidentally let her outside. She was all sorts of adorable, and truth be told I have a weakness for stray animals dating back to when I was a kid. So I petted her a little bit, talked to her, and I was mostly just her friend. She didn't seem to have many of those, and she was really outgoing and nice too.

Unfortunately I know that I have four roommates, and the only one I think would let me keep said cat would be Mark and that simply isn't enough to carry weight to let her stay so I tried to leave her outside and go inside. She had none of that. Once I opened the screen door she darted inside and waited patiently for me to open the final door into my house. It was late, around 11 so I knew no one was going to be up, but I still argued with myself about if I should let her in or not. Surely she could stay in my room all night and no one would be the wiser. I just had to make sure I closed all the doors. But I knew if I let the kitty spend the night, I would undoubtedly become attached and one night would turn into forever. It was bound to happen.

I debated for a good 30 minutes. Of course during these 30 minutes Miss kitty was purring and rubbing up against me, climbing onto my legs, crawling under my legs, cuddling up next to me, and then the absolute last straw of cuteness that I could take no more of, she jumped onto my shoulder not unlike a parrot to a pirate, and proceeded to lick my face and then fall asleep.

I think I am the only person who enjoys a cat's sandpaper tongue. I absolutely had to bring her inside. And so I picked her up (when I tried to stand up she woke and jumped to the ground.) and into my room she went. I closed my closet door because I wanted to make sure I could find her in the morning and my closet is a disaster. I updated my twitter status, and let her get situated in my room. After a little bit of investigating she laid down on my bed and went to sleep. I decided it was late and that was a wonderful idea so I also went to sleep. It wasn't the most comfortable night of sleep admittedly, but I think it was one of the most I've enjoyed sleeping since my cat Sable died when I moved to Seattle. I woke up several times throughout the night, each time I looked to find where she had gotten off to (I didn't name the cat, I knew that would be the end all be all of attachment) and then as if she knew I wasn't comfortable she relocated herself so I could perhaps sleep more soundly. This happened no less than 6 times. My favorite was when she decided that sleeping on my shoulder/face was a good place to get comfy. Thankfully this position didn't last long but still hearing her purr next to my face was one of my favorite moments of the night.

True to my word I had to put her back outside moments ago. I could tell she knew it was time to go, because she started to get restless and making noise. It was vaguely reminiscent of when you accidentally pass out watching a movie at a girl's house and you wake up on their sofa realizing you shouldn't be there, and you try to leave before their roommates can see you.

I am not going to lie and say I won't be doing this again, because it's only gonna get colder at night and she was super tiny so if I see her again late at night chances are she's coming inside again. I just hope next time I will get to keep her.