Goodbye

There are friendships in my life that tend to go on for too long. Either I get tired of them, or they get tired of me, but they should have ended long before they actually do.

Then there are friendships in my life that never seem to end, but they change and evolve into less of a friendship and more of a acquaintanceship and then into "Oh yeah I know that guy/girl, I wonder if they remember me."

Other friendships grow and evolve from that one random kid that you kinda know, into the closest friendship one can have without becoming lovers. You know each others thoughts and needs. When you need a shoulder they are there with two. When you want a laugh they will give you more than your share. When you need your space, they flat out refuse. It's the type of friendship that you cherish for a lifetime. It changes your entire life, but you don't really recognize it until it's gone.

Today I lost a friend of four years to a bright future doing something that he has known his entire life that he has wanted to do but only recently decided to pursue. The selfish part of me wants to sneak over to his house tonight and slash his tires. However the logical side of me knows that isn't going to stop him. There is part of my mind that really hopes he changes his mind and decides that the safe and easy route is the better one for him to take. Again, I know him too well. If he wanted safe he wouldn't have traveled the road he's taken to get to this point in his life so why would he stop now?

I know how this story ends, and it isn't good for me, but I am getting better. Kurt will go on to do many great things and change many, many lives. It's in his blood, and it's in his heart. And I am proud of him for all the decisions that he has made.

In all honesty I don't know if I will see him again, I wish I could be as steadfast as he is when he says he's coming back, but as I learned with Dean even when they come back they don't really come back the same. However I do know that through the many memories I have with Kurt from these last four years will live with me forever and the lessons he has taught me will continue to teach me throughout the rest of my life.

Thank you Kurt. And I love you.

I got a haircut

In an effort to talk about things a little less serious and a little more upbeat, I will share with you the story of my haircut.

I work in Bellevue Square, and I have been considering getting a cut for about a week now. Essentially my lovely curls were getting out of control and in my eyes far too much for my liking. Generally I go to Rudy's on the Ave, which is a wonderful, wonderful place full of wonderful sights and sounds. However after becoming delirious from working all day I decided to take a break and go to a salon here in the mall instead of waiting until tomorrow to go to Rudy's.

Now I have to tell you that while I do make a HUGE deal about my hair and making it look perfect when I leave the house, when I get it cut it's the complete opposite. I pretty much sit in the chair and let them have a field day with my Precious. I couldn't really care less. I figure I put enough effort into it in the morning I can make it look good short or long. Plus I am not really trying to impress myself with my hair, I love my hair regardless, no I am out to impress the ladies. And who better to decide what looks good on me than the lady with the experience with hair who I am paying to cut said hair? Exactly.

So we start talking and she seems nice enough. She mentions that she's gonna take it medium length because it's winter and I'm gonna want that extra hair to keep in warmth or some such crap. I roll with it and just let her go. Slowly but surely my curls come off and you can see my forehead again. And then she just... stops. I figure she is going to crab the clippers but instead she reaches for the blow drier.... wait what?

No see when my hair is super dry it gets puffy. You can't let it get puffy or I look like a dork.

Then she reaches for the product....

Um are you sure you didn't miss a step?

I mean I can't even see the tops of my ears yet.

No?

This is really when we stop?

Oh okay.

As if by some miracle she found the one length of my hair that I absolutely hate (it's still too long to style how I like it, but it's too short to have any of my curl that I adore with my long hair). Did I tell her any of this? Of course not. She asked if she took enough off the front and I said sure. Sure? Are you kidding? It looks like crap. This is not a fun and funky hair cut. This is boring, and pedestrian, something my hair most certainly is not. Why aren't you fun and funky like the girls at Rudy's? No seriously it looks like you purposefully went mediocre with my hair to make it so I had to come back in in a month to get it cut again. I try and go at least 3 months between cuts. I will not be tricked into becoming a repeat customer by your silly games.

There are 3 morals of this story:

1. Never get your hair cut in a mall. No good can ever come of it.

2. If you have a regular place, go there. Even if you have to wait a little longer, it's worth the wait to get it right.

3. If you ignore morals 1 & 2, do not ignore this one: NEVER JUST TELL THE MALL STYLIST TO DO WHATEVER FOR THEY WILL MAKE YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

I'm going to Rudy's tomorrow to get it fixed.

For more info on the greatest babershop in the world click here

I love this boy

I met Mark very early in my Seattle adventure at a mutual friend's party. He was just visiting her from Spokane if I remember correctly. He seemed like an interesting kid and I thoroughly enjoyed the little bit we interacted. As I did at the time I went home and found him on Myspace and added him as a friend. Thankfully this silly little personal trait of needing to increase my myspace friends list through mere acquaintances and high school friends I don't talk with any longer has ended. Now I use Facebook. This "friendship" lasted about 2 weeks until Mark deleted me thinking he would never see me again. About 2 months later he was living in Seattle, in my ward and one of my favorite people.

Instead of just continuing to tell the story of Mark and I instead I'm just gonna break down into a list, aka the bloggers crutch, of some of my favorite Mark traits and/or moments. These are in no particular order, and I will stop when I get bored.

1. My hair apparently only looks good to Mark when I am sick.
2. I have never seen someone who seems to thrive on the failures of others try so hard for his friends to not actually fail.
3. If you ask Mark for something, chances are you will get it. Maybe not exactly how you expected to get it but you will get it.
4. If it's your birthday and you know mark even remotely, you will get a cake. The level of your friendship with him will be shown with the amount of effort and work he put into it.
5. Mark tries really hard. He may not always succeed, but he tries really hard. I think I love that most about him.
6. If I were to calculate just how much money/gas I owed Mark for all the trips, the pick ups, and the rides he's given me I'm pretty sure it would be four digits.
7. Now that I have mentioned that he'll probably make a joke about wanting to get that money.
8. He won't be kidding.
9. I'm not sure if this is Mark's favorite Allen story, but he tells it better than I do so be sure to ask him about me being pooped on by a bird.
10. Keep in mind at least 50% of it will be exaggerated.
11. Of all the roommates I am losing this month Mark is the one I will miss the most.
12. I am legitimately worried a polar bear is going to eat Mark within the first 3 months he is in Alaska.
13. He is probably vain enough to really love this entire post.
14. Except that last fun fact.
15. He stopped reading after the first paragraph.
16. I may make fun of Mark's love for boy bands and pop music but I wish I loved something that much.
17. No Mark, Happy Feet is not about the struggles of being a gay Mormon. it's about dancing penguins.
18. It is based on a true story though.
19. I'm jealous of his relationship with Kurt... well except for the gay parts of it.
20. You can finger paint with anything. Just stick your head in there.

I am truly thankful and grateful for the friendship that Mark has given to me these years. He has broadened my views and made me a better person over it all. Thank you Mark, for being you and reminding me of the person I should want to be. Well without liking boys. I'm afraid you're on your own on that one buddy. Have fun in Alaska, be safe, and be sure to never forget us.

For the record when I say don't forget us, I mean his friends, not that one time we hooked up. I would very much like it if you WOULD forget that Mark.

Gay is the new straight

This should surprise no one when I say this -

I am straight.

Okay apparently that statement does surprise a few people. In the past I have been outed as gay by at least 3 people. Well one of them outed me, two of them asked my friends if I was gay.

I don't mind being called gay, in fact I almost consider it a compliment. Many of the best people in my life are gay. they motivate me to be a better person and inspire me in ways I honestly don't believe a straight friend could. While constantly belittling me they often find time to remind me of just how much hope they have in me as a person and what they think I am capable of. Kurt, Mark, and Austin thank you.

I know we joke about it all the time but I honestly do get a lot of the tips and ideas on how I should dress, and what styles I should be looking at from Kurt specifically. Sure I could match colors just fine before I met him but since I have actually been able to pull off coordinating outfits and stop constantly wearing Mariners gear. I will not hesitate to say I flat out steal Kurt's trends and fashion and claim it as my own. Yes I am aware that makes them not "cool" anymore but the joy is this - none of my straight friends realize this and I still get compliments every time I kill one of Kurt's fashion statements.

Case in point - Kurt doesn't go to church regularly (honestly I can't blame him one bit) but when he does he will dress in church clothes and on his feet are a pair of black Converse sneakers. he has been doing this pretty much the entire time I have known him. Shoot it's the name of one of his many blogs. I envied him for this and thought I could never pull it off. Then one day I decided I wanted to try it. I wore my suit and a pair of black chucks. I'd say at least 7 people commented on it in a positive manner. Kurt not so much. I could sense his disdain for me with every compliment because no one ever said anything to him about it. Well Kurt I'm telling you now, I wouldn't have even thought to wear them if you didn't look so good in them. It's your fault for inspiring me.

Anyway I have steered away from the point I intended to make with this blog so let's get back on subject. On the 18th of this month I experienced a first for me. I had a gay date. Oh sure I have had awkwardly gay movie watching experiences, but never a full fledged date. Kurt was my victim this time around and as with most dates I have he didn't seem at all interested in me sexually so thank you Kurt for not taking me out of my element by being into me. We wound up getting some dinner and watching a stand up show by Doug Benson. Doug was really funny, as were Peter Greyy and Graham Elwood. I had a great time with Kurt, in fact as much as it sounds weird to say, our date was one of the best ones I have been on in awhile. And while neither of us are interested in each other in a way to make anything happen (what with me liking girls and Kurt liking attractive boys) it did teach me something about what I want in a significant other.

I want someone who gets me. I want someone who I have no problem sitting in complete silence with. I want someone who will laugh at my jokes, and say their own. I want someone who appreciates the lesser things in life like ridiculously high comics. I want someone I can be myself around without fear of judgement. I want someone who, despite that last thing, still inspires me to be a better person, not for them but for myself.

So thank you Kurt, for helping me find who I want. And for not being it.

ignore the two people in the middle, SOMEONE still hasn't uploaded the pictures from our date so this is the best I had.

The fear of looking fat

I have a date tonight. It's no big deal and yet my mind insists on wanting things to be perfect. It has nothing to do with the girl though, even though she seems great so far when I talk to her. No just like I normally do if I have anything remotely social that requires some sort of dressing to a different degree besides casual, I FREAK OUT.

I can dress myself on a daily basis (granted that usually just consists of my work uniform) and match and look good when I don't need to but any time I have to dress up, even church on Sunday, my mind decides "I'm not going to let you be normal". I frantically flip through my closet, finding old standards that have worked in the past and usually go with those after second guessing them for about 30 minutes. Today is even worse because it seems all those old standards are dirty and in need of washing. And of course because I have been busy all morning with other things my laundry JUST went into the wash.

I miss having Adam across the hall. We both had this same problem and we would often bounce ideas off each other and advise each other on our outfits. He was often the only one who actually recognized, appreciated, and openly praised my clothing choices. the first Sunday after he left on his mission I wound up wearing the absolute worst possible outfit and I am convinced it wouldn't have happened if he had just stayed home and went to grad school instead of Korea. And I'll be honest, I'm kinda bitter. Sure there are my other roommates but I'll be honest, none of these guys, Mark excluded, can dress themselves. It's kinda sad. And as for going to Mark, as open as I am to Mark's jokes I still don't want to hear it about what I am wearing. He's too critical and the closest I will ever get to a compliment from him is "eh" or "well I wouldn't wear that but it looks okay on you" and that is not what I need.

Writing this blog post has actually managed to clear my head a bit and help me focus my energy somewhere besides my clothes so maybe I can actually put a decent outfit together for tonight... but what about the Gold & Green tomorrow night???

Maybe I will talk to Mark.

Let's get it started

Okay so I used to blog all the time on my myspace page but then I stopped once I stopped using myspace every day and moved to Facebook (are you my friend? You totally should be!) But now I kinda want to start doing it again and I figured what better way to get started than by revisiting one of my favorite blog posts from my old blog and seeing if that gets me motivated. So without further ado here is the story of Allen and his Indian friend.

Okay so I've been going to school on Capitol Hill since I moved here and I know what it's like. I realize it's a highly gay neighborhood and I realize that as an incredibly attractive young verile man I would be hit on eventually. I just didn't think that when it would happen would be so... creepy. So I'll set the story because I love setting stories. It's 9:00 tonight and I am waiting for my bus. it's a half hour late and I'm getting cold and cranky.

Then a rather nice short fat Indian man walks up to me and starts making polite conversation about how the bus is late.
No big deal, I've done that before.
Granted I haven't gotten as close as he is to me while doing so but maybe he's just talking close because of his accent and he wants me to understand what he is talking about.
Ummm why is he asking about if I have a girlfriend or boyfriend?
What's that?
a Massage?
Oh a free massage any time I feel lonely.
I suddenly don't like where this is going.
Nah man I'm good I have plenty of friends to keep me company so I don't get lonely.
What's that?
Yeah I know sometimes it's nice to have Indian friends.
I just don't do massages man.
Yeah I'm sure you do it pretty soft but I just don't do it.
I'm plenty relaxed.
What's that?
Okay why are you holding my hand?
No seriously you can let go any time now.
Yes we went over this Indians make good friends.
I get it.
What's that?
Mouth massage?
ON MY WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Okay clearly something got lost in the translation here because you most certainly did not just ask me what it sounded like you asked.
Nope you actually meant that.
No see dude, I don't exactly swing that way.
I'm flattered, really I am but I have strict no mustache rule that I can't go back on.
Gay clubs?
No I have no idea where they are in this area because, and I can't stress this enough I am straight.
Though this is Capitol Hill so I am sure there are about a billion of them around here somewhere.
Yeah Sam it's been a real treat meeting you but I really must be going.

Yeah NOT FUN.