The fear of looking fat

I have a date tonight. It's no big deal and yet my mind insists on wanting things to be perfect. It has nothing to do with the girl though, even though she seems great so far when I talk to her. No just like I normally do if I have anything remotely social that requires some sort of dressing to a different degree besides casual, I FREAK OUT.

I can dress myself on a daily basis (granted that usually just consists of my work uniform) and match and look good when I don't need to but any time I have to dress up, even church on Sunday, my mind decides "I'm not going to let you be normal". I frantically flip through my closet, finding old standards that have worked in the past and usually go with those after second guessing them for about 30 minutes. Today is even worse because it seems all those old standards are dirty and in need of washing. And of course because I have been busy all morning with other things my laundry JUST went into the wash.

I miss having Adam across the hall. We both had this same problem and we would often bounce ideas off each other and advise each other on our outfits. He was often the only one who actually recognized, appreciated, and openly praised my clothing choices. the first Sunday after he left on his mission I wound up wearing the absolute worst possible outfit and I am convinced it wouldn't have happened if he had just stayed home and went to grad school instead of Korea. And I'll be honest, I'm kinda bitter. Sure there are my other roommates but I'll be honest, none of these guys, Mark excluded, can dress themselves. It's kinda sad. And as for going to Mark, as open as I am to Mark's jokes I still don't want to hear it about what I am wearing. He's too critical and the closest I will ever get to a compliment from him is "eh" or "well I wouldn't wear that but it looks okay on you" and that is not what I need.

Writing this blog post has actually managed to clear my head a bit and help me focus my energy somewhere besides my clothes so maybe I can actually put a decent outfit together for tonight... but what about the Gold & Green tomorrow night???

Maybe I will talk to Mark.