Gold and Green Blah

Okay remember how much I ripped into the New Year's Dance? How most of the things I said I liked about it were the freaks and weird people that were there? Yeah well the Gold and Green Ball was even worse. I have never felt so out of place and so without a solid reason for being somewhere than I did Saturday night. As my good friend Sarah Pearce mentioned of the festivities "It is like a Junior High prom!", except I would add "for the special Olympics".

I can't fault the people there for being able to find a way to have fun while they were there. They are better people than I. They were able to enjoy the horrible music, the overly bright room, the awkwardly out of place light shows, the even worse than HORRIBLE music, and the strange guys wearing fake mustaches who are there to hit on every girl in the room in hopes of finding the 3 with low standards and no self control/worth. Here is just a brief listing of the people and things I enjoyed about this event once I started searching for the silver lining.

  • At least my friends there had style and class. Everyone else either looked like they just decided to wear the same clothes they wore to casual Friday at work or the most absurd and/or unfortunate outfit they had in their closet to pass off as formal wear. Oh the bridesmaids dresses (not you Laney you looked cute I promise) and ridiculous suits were out in full force.
  • I learned 347843753 new line dances! Seriously Mormons can (and will) line dance to EVERYTHING. I realize touching is completely wrong and full of cooties but you know you can dance in other geographical shapes right? Why is there no Octagon dancing? Complete with UFC fighting in the middle.
  • Also apparently it is completely normal to ballroom dance to Pink. And Rhianna. And Vanilla Ice (we will talk about that later). Let me give you a hint here people - you look stupid. There is a time to ballroom dance (the 18th century) and a place to ballroom dance (gym class), and despite it's name the Gold and Green Ball is NOT one of them. Especially when they are playing hip hop.
  • Vanilla Ice is even sorry for Ice Ice Baby, why must we continue to pretend it is enjoyable?
    This is not a good song! You know who like this song? Idiots and children. I listened to it when it came out and even I had the decency to say "I like MC Hammer more." HAMMER!!!! If you are categorizing hip hop music and you are ranked below HAMMER, it is time for your music to go away.
  • "excuse me Allen but we need to go stand next to some attractive boys now." Only Bridgette, Leah and Sarah could get away with saying this and not make me feel like I am hideous and want to shoot myself.
  • Once again the food was top rate, though a bit too much for anyone's breath. Kudos again to Bridgette.
  • Reuniting with old friends is fun though also a bit of a let down. Not my actual friends mind you, just my friends from the new Year's dance. Stick guy left his stick at home, Alien guy looks more and more normal the more I see him, there were no glow stick related injuries, bumblebee girl didn't look like a bumblebee and it even looks like she finally hit a growth spurt since last time. I was hoping for a revival of my feelings of joy from the last dance and I was met with a surprising amount of normal.
  • Oh but there were freaks a plenty. during the aforementioned Ice Ice Baby i saw a guy essentially rape an Asian girl on the dance floor. there were a total of 3 little people there, 2 were even there as a couple. I learned the importance of modesty thanks to a large girl with no sleeves who's arms looked like she could flap them and fly away and enough cleavage to smother an army (and not the good kind of cleavage). And my favorite person of the whole night - white snoop dogg. It seriously looked like he took all his fashion advice from "from G's to Gents" and yet still got it wrong.

So all in all it was another fun evening of people watching with some of my favorite people with taste. The snark was in full effect and honestly, I can't wait for the next big dance so we can do it all again.


Kristin said...

did you see the girl in the peach-ish prom-ish dress where you could see her black thong through the back of it??

cuz that was classy.

Allen said...

I did see that though honestly I hadn't noticed until some girls pointed it out to me. And yes that is definitely classy.

Leah said...

I believe what Bridgette actually said was, “We need to go walk by a hot guy right now.” Get it right next time Allen. ;D

Queen of the Giggle Loop said...

"Some girls"?? Oh, so now I'm "Some girls"?? There isn’t even enough of me to make more than one person. Maybe four or five very-very tiny elven creatures, but not several full sized girls! I'm very upset Allen! I’m putting in my angry eyes!!