Goodbye

There are friendships in my life that tend to go on for too long. Either I get tired of them, or they get tired of me, but they should have ended long before they actually do.

Then there are friendships in my life that never seem to end, but they change and evolve into less of a friendship and more of a acquaintanceship and then into "Oh yeah I know that guy/girl, I wonder if they remember me."

Other friendships grow and evolve from that one random kid that you kinda know, into the closest friendship one can have without becoming lovers. You know each others thoughts and needs. When you need a shoulder they are there with two. When you want a laugh they will give you more than your share. When you need your space, they flat out refuse. It's the type of friendship that you cherish for a lifetime. It changes your entire life, but you don't really recognize it until it's gone.

Today I lost a friend of four years to a bright future doing something that he has known his entire life that he has wanted to do but only recently decided to pursue. The selfish part of me wants to sneak over to his house tonight and slash his tires. However the logical side of me knows that isn't going to stop him. There is part of my mind that really hopes he changes his mind and decides that the safe and easy route is the better one for him to take. Again, I know him too well. If he wanted safe he wouldn't have traveled the road he's taken to get to this point in his life so why would he stop now?

I know how this story ends, and it isn't good for me, but I am getting better. Kurt will go on to do many great things and change many, many lives. It's in his blood, and it's in his heart. And I am proud of him for all the decisions that he has made.

In all honesty I don't know if I will see him again, I wish I could be as steadfast as he is when he says he's coming back, but as I learned with Dean even when they come back they don't really come back the same. However I do know that through the many memories I have with Kurt from these last four years will live with me forever and the lessons he has taught me will continue to teach me throughout the rest of my life.

Thank you Kurt. And I love you.

Gay is the new straight

This should surprise no one when I say this -

I am straight.

Okay apparently that statement does surprise a few people. In the past I have been outed as gay by at least 3 people. Well one of them outed me, two of them asked my friends if I was gay.

I don't mind being called gay, in fact I almost consider it a compliment. Many of the best people in my life are gay. they motivate me to be a better person and inspire me in ways I honestly don't believe a straight friend could. While constantly belittling me they often find time to remind me of just how much hope they have in me as a person and what they think I am capable of. Kurt, Mark, and Austin thank you.

I know we joke about it all the time but I honestly do get a lot of the tips and ideas on how I should dress, and what styles I should be looking at from Kurt specifically. Sure I could match colors just fine before I met him but since I have actually been able to pull off coordinating outfits and stop constantly wearing Mariners gear. I will not hesitate to say I flat out steal Kurt's trends and fashion and claim it as my own. Yes I am aware that makes them not "cool" anymore but the joy is this - none of my straight friends realize this and I still get compliments every time I kill one of Kurt's fashion statements.

Case in point - Kurt doesn't go to church regularly (honestly I can't blame him one bit) but when he does he will dress in church clothes and on his feet are a pair of black Converse sneakers. he has been doing this pretty much the entire time I have known him. Shoot it's the name of one of his many blogs. I envied him for this and thought I could never pull it off. Then one day I decided I wanted to try it. I wore my suit and a pair of black chucks. I'd say at least 7 people commented on it in a positive manner. Kurt not so much. I could sense his disdain for me with every compliment because no one ever said anything to him about it. Well Kurt I'm telling you now, I wouldn't have even thought to wear them if you didn't look so good in them. It's your fault for inspiring me.

Anyway I have steered away from the point I intended to make with this blog so let's get back on subject. On the 18th of this month I experienced a first for me. I had a gay date. Oh sure I have had awkwardly gay movie watching experiences, but never a full fledged date. Kurt was my victim this time around and as with most dates I have he didn't seem at all interested in me sexually so thank you Kurt for not taking me out of my element by being into me. We wound up getting some dinner and watching a stand up show by Doug Benson. Doug was really funny, as were Peter Greyy and Graham Elwood. I had a great time with Kurt, in fact as much as it sounds weird to say, our date was one of the best ones I have been on in awhile. And while neither of us are interested in each other in a way to make anything happen (what with me liking girls and Kurt liking attractive boys) it did teach me something about what I want in a significant other.

I want someone who gets me. I want someone who I have no problem sitting in complete silence with. I want someone who will laugh at my jokes, and say their own. I want someone who appreciates the lesser things in life like ridiculously high comics. I want someone I can be myself around without fear of judgement. I want someone who, despite that last thing, still inspires me to be a better person, not for them but for myself.

So thank you Kurt, for helping me find who I want. And for not being it.

ignore the two people in the middle, SOMEONE still hasn't uploaded the pictures from our date so this is the best I had.