As a male I don't usually get to receive the benefits of the Relief Society. I mean I get the benefits of their smiling faces and their wonderful company on dates and whatnot but I don't get that sense of community and sisterhood that a regular member of the Relief Society SHOULD get. Instead as a man I am subjected to the Elder's Quorum. Now I may be entirely off base when I say this but, at least with my experience with a singles ward EQ there is no community or real togetherness. Rather it's a bunch of males sizing each other up as competition and declaring themselves superior in some way to make themselves feel better. The sisters have enrichment where the get together and talked and craft and learn skills that better themselves as people while also growing closer together as sisters. The men however have "Manrichment" where we sit around and watch sports, or play video games while eating pizza and beating each other up either physically or via the bloody games. I think that just made my point for me. I do have some friends in the EQ, but for the most part I keep to myself and I find myself making friends with the sisters which probably bothers oh so many of my brethren which I will admit is at least part of why I do it.
Anyway back to what I was trying to talk about before I tangented myself into dangerous territory - the Relief Society. I honestly do think that the strength of any good ward is in it's sisters. Earlier this week my mom went in for gastric bypass surgery. After she was released from the hospital she was required to stay in a hotel here in Seattle in order to recover fully and make sure there were no complications. She couldn't just go home because she lives in Prosser and that's too far from the hospital for them to get to any problems in a timely manner. I tried to get the time off from work so I could stay with her all day while she was in the hotel but unfortunately a coworker had already requested the time off and I was the only other keyholder available to close the store so I couldn't get the time off I needed. What commenced was a stressful week of me trying to figure out how to ask for help and who to turn to. Naturally I turned to my friends from the church and I also talked to my boss about working my schedule so I was working the least amount of hours possible while my mom needed me.
I heard very little back from anyone that could actually help me. I had friends in Idaho and the Tri-Cities say they would help me in a heartbeat if they could. My EQP and friend Carl volunteered for the first night with my mom which was a huge load off my shoulders. Then my good friend Laura called and said she could help the second because it's her spring break. I had Sunday off thanks to my wonderful boss Wes, and then I started to get phone calls and emails from other SISTERS in the ward offering their time to help. A lot of them couldn't actually help but they sent their prayers and well wishes anyway. Then my friend Megan volunteered for Monday and it looked like all the shifts that I had told people about were filled.
One little problem - when I sent out the email I miscalculated when my mom was getting to go home. I thought she was leaving on Tuesday because that was the fifth day. It turns out that she needed to stay for five NIGHTS and so once again I was left with an open day. Miraculously I didn't even need to ask for help. Sunday in the morning I got a phone call from Whitney in my ward's Relief Society presidency making sure that I had all the days covered and asking if there was anything she could do. I mentioned that I still needed Tuesday night covered and she said she was going to take care of it. I felt relieved as I passed on the information that she needed and I went about my day believing that someone would come through and that Tuesday would be okay.
After church Whitney called me and said that not just one sister but two of them volunteered to help on Tuesday and that Erin would be there from 4-7 and that Geneva, a sister that met me for the first time a week ago, would watch her from 7 until I got home from work. Everything worked out and on top of it all my mom has been feeling better and better as the days go on. I can see her strength returning and her spirits lifted and I can't help but think that while spending time with me is part of the reason for it, I really think that being able to see that other people who don't even know who she is care about her enough to take 4-6 hours out of their day and spend it taking care of her out of the kindness of their hearts is a much bigger part of it.
I just wanted to take this time to say thank you to all of you who helped, or promised to help, or wanted to help my mom this past week. Specifically Laura O'Brien, Carl Cutler, Laura and Byron Schmidt, Megan Wixom, Erin Leigh Chapman, Geneva Pelfrey, Whitney Thompson, Rachael Knudsen, Aimee Elber, Andreanne Loiselle, Jon Cox, Derek Child, Kurt Kaiser, Brian "Little Bingo" Stephens, and Wes Miller. Without you guys working with me I really don't know how I would have survived these five days. Both my mom and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being the single most amazing people that I know. I love you all, and I never say that so you know I mean it.
Showing posts with label family matters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family matters. Show all posts
3.28.2010
10.27.2009
Reconnecting a disconnected life
As many of you know I am moving in a couple days, back into my dad's home in Wallingford for a couple months just so I can get back on my feet and find a place to live. I'm not gonna lie- this was my stepmom's idea. See my dad and I have always had an interesting relationship. Talking with him about anything outside of the trivial has always been difficult. Anything outside of the realm of work, school, TV, books, movies, or computers and it becomes a long awkward silence punctuated with tears and very few words. When I think about that last statement it makes it hard to believe what I am going to say next - I am excited to live with my dad again, even for a short while.
Growing up my dad was my best friend. We'd play games, he would teach me so many wonderful things. Without him I would have no idea how to conquer the Legend of Zelda. He would do absolutely anything for me, anything. I remember one Christmas I asked for the entire collection of M.A.S.K. figures. I doubt anyone knows what I am talking about, essentially cars that turned into planes driven by guys with superpowered masks fighting crime (Oh how I miss the 80's). Well my dad took a trip to Spokane, a good 3 hours away from our home at the time, a couple times a month until Christmas and bought me these toys. All of them. I can't imagine how much time, dedication and love went into that gift. It was more than the money. And yes this is where I learned that if you love someone you buy them things. I didn't say everything he taught me was GOOD, I just said he taught me things.
Once my parents divorced a few years later, slowly but surely my dad vanished from my life. He wanted to be there, I don't want any of you reading this to think he was a deadbeat dad who ignored his son, he wasn't. He would still send me birthday cards and presents. He always tried to help me realize that he loved me. I knew that he did, but due to some complicated matters that I don't think I will share today, he couldn't be there with me through a lot of the harder times in my life outside of the child support checks. Eventually that's all he became to me were those checks. I couldn't see or talk to him because of my stupid decisions to not help. Again, it wasn't entirely his fault that he wasn't there. I wouldn't let him be there.
Once he was finally able to talk with me again it shocked my system. I wasn't expecting that phone call and when we talked it was always quiet. Very few things were said but that silence spoke enough for the two of us. Slowly we found common ground. We discovered those pointless topics we could talk about without actually saying anything. Occasionally we would try and talk about something real but it never really worked. The time had passed to talk about them. I had decided that they weren't worth discussing when they were important and now they still have too much sting behind them to talk about because we failed when it comes to opening up those channels.
I realize that very little can change in the next couple months to mend these wounds that have done nothing but grow and fester over the last twenty years, but at the same time I have faith that the beginnings of growth and healing can happen this time around. I know there are things I need to say to him and if these lines of communication aren't opened I never will be able to say them.
Growing up my dad was my best friend. We'd play games, he would teach me so many wonderful things. Without him I would have no idea how to conquer the Legend of Zelda. He would do absolutely anything for me, anything. I remember one Christmas I asked for the entire collection of M.A.S.K. figures. I doubt anyone knows what I am talking about, essentially cars that turned into planes driven by guys with superpowered masks fighting crime (Oh how I miss the 80's). Well my dad took a trip to Spokane, a good 3 hours away from our home at the time, a couple times a month until Christmas and bought me these toys. All of them. I can't imagine how much time, dedication and love went into that gift. It was more than the money. And yes this is where I learned that if you love someone you buy them things. I didn't say everything he taught me was GOOD, I just said he taught me things.
Once my parents divorced a few years later, slowly but surely my dad vanished from my life. He wanted to be there, I don't want any of you reading this to think he was a deadbeat dad who ignored his son, he wasn't. He would still send me birthday cards and presents. He always tried to help me realize that he loved me. I knew that he did, but due to some complicated matters that I don't think I will share today, he couldn't be there with me through a lot of the harder times in my life outside of the child support checks. Eventually that's all he became to me were those checks. I couldn't see or talk to him because of my stupid decisions to not help. Again, it wasn't entirely his fault that he wasn't there. I wouldn't let him be there.
Once he was finally able to talk with me again it shocked my system. I wasn't expecting that phone call and when we talked it was always quiet. Very few things were said but that silence spoke enough for the two of us. Slowly we found common ground. We discovered those pointless topics we could talk about without actually saying anything. Occasionally we would try and talk about something real but it never really worked. The time had passed to talk about them. I had decided that they weren't worth discussing when they were important and now they still have too much sting behind them to talk about because we failed when it comes to opening up those channels.
I realize that very little can change in the next couple months to mend these wounds that have done nothing but grow and fester over the last twenty years, but at the same time I have faith that the beginnings of growth and healing can happen this time around. I know there are things I need to say to him and if these lines of communication aren't opened I never will be able to say them.
5.10.2009
My Four Moms
I had an entirely different blog written for today but I realized that this would be a little more timely and important to talk about.
I have four mothers.
No my family isn't polygamists despite the Mormon Myth. I was birthed by one woman but throughout my life I have been raised by many and I love all of them as my mother, and they have treated me as if I was their son. On this day devoted to mothers I want to devote this blog post to them.
Mother #1 - Sandra Brand
This one is the easy one to explain why she's mom to me - she birthed me, but as I have learned in the past it takes more than birthing to make someone a mother and this woman has earned that title tenfold. She has inspired me to follow my heart and given me a role model for strength and is the personification of every virtue I could ever dream of becoming. As a single mother she very easily could have given up and accepted her fate but instead she persevered and pushed through all of her trials to raise the man who I have become. All I have done and wish to become is a testament to her. I love you Mom.
Mother #2 - Catherine Brand *photo not included because I can't find a good one but trust me she's beautiful*
Another easy one to explain why she is mom to me - She married my dad. She has done absolutely everything in her power to endear herself to me and help me in every possible way. I have no doubt that she played a main part in me moving up to Seattle. She tolerated living with me for over a year and a half. Trust me that's a big deal ask my roommates. In these years that she has been married to my father I have grown to love her as a mother, not just because of the things she does for me (of which there are many) but because of the perspective she has given me as a strong minded individual who never accepts no as a response. Always questioning, always learning. Constantly questing for answers to allow her to understand what is going on around her and absolutely wanting to help others with all that they need.
Mother #3 - Lynette Young
Ah my extended family. The closest thing I had to brothers and sisters would be the Young's. They were the friends that my mom trusted unequivocally to take care of me. Lynnette started out for me as my Den mother in scouts back when I actually enjoyed scouts. She taught me so many lessons and did such a wonderful job as a positive influence in my life especially when it could have been lost to the dark side. There was a time when this was my family. Fourth grade was difficult to me as I spent most of it in foster care. This wonderful family rescued me from a horrible, horrible foster home and took me in and showed me love. I lived with them for about 6 months and I truly grew to love them. I still remember my birthday from that year if for no other reason than my best friend Shawn ruined my presents and got in a lot of trouble with Lynnette for doing so. He never ever told me another gift I was given ever again. I know that even to this day I could turn to them if I ever needed something or just wanted to talk. Oh how I love them, all of them.
Mother #4 - Anita Farrell
Once I moved out on my own I found myself in Pasco and honestly that was the best possible thing that could have happened to me. I grew so much in my time in Pasco and I owe a great deal of that growth to Anita and Pres Farrell. I wasn't the most active member before I moved to Pasco, but I made a decision that once I moved there that it was time for a fresh start and so I decided to start going to church regularly. Pres was my branch president and was highly active in talking and meeting with members of the branch. I met with him every single week for a year, not because I was doing something wrong or working through some sin but because he cared. It is because of him I am an elder. It is because of him I have my patriarchal blessing. It is because of him I am endowed. Now Anita was always a doll. She spoke her mind and pulled no punches. In an effort to allow me to save money and to just keep me out of trouble no doubt they would let me come over to their house and do laundry every single week. I would come over every Wednesday with laundry ready to go, help Pres watch their grand kids during the day. Often they would feed me and generally take care of me in a time when I most needed it.
In a world where a lot of people aren't lucky enough to have one mother I have been blessed to have four of the best possible women fill that role. And so this Mother's day I wanted to take the time to say two things I don't know if I said it enough to properly show how much these women mean to me.
Thank you and I love you.
I have four mothers.
No my family isn't polygamists despite the Mormon Myth. I was birthed by one woman but throughout my life I have been raised by many and I love all of them as my mother, and they have treated me as if I was their son. On this day devoted to mothers I want to devote this blog post to them.
Mother #1 - Sandra Brand
This one is the easy one to explain why she's mom to me - she birthed me, but as I have learned in the past it takes more than birthing to make someone a mother and this woman has earned that title tenfold. She has inspired me to follow my heart and given me a role model for strength and is the personification of every virtue I could ever dream of becoming. As a single mother she very easily could have given up and accepted her fate but instead she persevered and pushed through all of her trials to raise the man who I have become. All I have done and wish to become is a testament to her. I love you Mom.Mother #2 - Catherine Brand *photo not included because I can't find a good one but trust me she's beautiful*
Another easy one to explain why she is mom to me - She married my dad. She has done absolutely everything in her power to endear herself to me and help me in every possible way. I have no doubt that she played a main part in me moving up to Seattle. She tolerated living with me for over a year and a half. Trust me that's a big deal ask my roommates. In these years that she has been married to my father I have grown to love her as a mother, not just because of the things she does for me (of which there are many) but because of the perspective she has given me as a strong minded individual who never accepts no as a response. Always questioning, always learning. Constantly questing for answers to allow her to understand what is going on around her and absolutely wanting to help others with all that they need.
Mother #3 - Lynette Young
Ah my extended family. The closest thing I had to brothers and sisters would be the Young's. They were the friends that my mom trusted unequivocally to take care of me. Lynnette started out for me as my Den mother in scouts back when I actually enjoyed scouts. She taught me so many lessons and did such a wonderful job as a positive influence in my life especially when it could have been lost to the dark side. There was a time when this was my family. Fourth grade was difficult to me as I spent most of it in foster care. This wonderful family rescued me from a horrible, horrible foster home and took me in and showed me love. I lived with them for about 6 months and I truly grew to love them. I still remember my birthday from that year if for no other reason than my best friend Shawn ruined my presents and got in a lot of trouble with Lynnette for doing so. He never ever told me another gift I was given ever again. I know that even to this day I could turn to them if I ever needed something or just wanted to talk. Oh how I love them, all of them.Mother #4 - Anita Farrell
Once I moved out on my own I found myself in Pasco and honestly that was the best possible thing that could have happened to me. I grew so much in my time in Pasco and I owe a great deal of that growth to Anita and Pres Farrell. I wasn't the most active member before I moved to Pasco, but I made a decision that once I moved there that it was time for a fresh start and so I decided to start going to church regularly. Pres was my branch president and was highly active in talking and meeting with members of the branch. I met with him every single week for a year, not because I was doing something wrong or working through some sin but because he cared. It is because of him I am an elder. It is because of him I have my patriarchal blessing. It is because of him I am endowed. Now Anita was always a doll. She spoke her mind and pulled no punches. In an effort to allow me to save money and to just keep me out of trouble no doubt they would let me come over to their house and do laundry every single week. I would come over every Wednesday with laundry ready to go, help Pres watch their grand kids during the day. Often they would feed me and generally take care of me in a time when I most needed it.In a world where a lot of people aren't lucky enough to have one mother I have been blessed to have four of the best possible women fill that role. And so this Mother's day I wanted to take the time to say two things I don't know if I said it enough to properly show how much these women mean to me.
Thank you and I love you.
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