Movies in the Key of C

Honestly I have been done with these for awhile now and I was just postponing writing about them because I didn't want you guys to think all I do is watch movies all day. I mean that is all I do when I'm not at work but still I want you to think I have a life. Anyway I have 8 movies that start with C and so here is the picture.

In alphabetical order- Catch Me If You Can, Charlie & The chocolate Factory, Charlie's Angels, Chasing Amy, Clerks, Clerks 2, Click, and Cloverfield.

Best Movie: Catch Me If You Can. Granted it doesn't have the best morals to it but I really enjoyed this movie. Tom Hanks is quite simply amazing and Leo actually made me like him which is a surprise.

Worst Movie: Charlie's Angels. Okay I remember when this one came out and really enjoying the campiness of it all, but for some reason or another I really, REALLY didn't like it this time around. Maybe I have grown past the hot chicks + Explosions = great movie phase.... or this one is just really stupid. (thinks) yeah it's just really stupid.

Favorite Movie: Chasing Amy, Clerks, Clerks 2 (tie). I love Kevin Smith. I couldn't simply choose between the 3 (gun to my head Chasing Amy) so I didn't, after all it is my movie collection so I don't have to.

Most Surprisingly Good Movie: Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. Now I will admit to having very low expectations about this movie because I really haven't liked anything Tim Burton has done since Batman Returns but despite being twisted and creepy I actually liked the movie. Still doesn't touch the original but I still like this one.

Most Surprisingly Bad Movie: Click. Going in I didn't know what to expect. Sandler is touch and go in so many movies. He is either really good, or really bad. I wanted this one to be good though because the story had so much potential. One fat suit and happy ending later and I was thoroughly disappointed. I would have cut the crap about his fat slab, I would have gotten rid of the whole (spoiler but who actually cares?) it's all just a dream thing and ended it when he died. You still have the moral, and the movie would have been better for it. Not enough movies end sad these days.

Most Surprising Movie I Don't Own: Casablanca. As a certified movie nut how I don't own the single greatest love story of all time I will never know. It might have something to do with me being a boy, but as you will see later on that fact is kinda up in the air.

Why In The HECK Do I Own: Cloverfield. Okay I like monster movies. And I like romances. I do not like romances thinly veiled as monster movies. Do not give me Godzilla and turn it into when harry met sally. And yet, because I enjoyed a lot of the scenes and it did legitimately scare me at times I own this movie that as a whole I detest. Sometimes I don't get me.

Alright folks that is it for the letter C, I will be back with a Bruce Willis infused D list for you in the near future. In the mean time I suggest you check out my new side project and another blog that I write Mom 'n' Pop Video Shoppe. It's a movie blog that focuses more on older movies or lesser known movies that you may not have ever heard of. I will be essentially reviewing every movie that I watch until I get bored. This is where you see how big of a nerd I am and how I waste my free time.

I watched a movie

I know I talk about movies A LOT, but I still want to share this one with all of you. It is called "Dear Zachary, A Letter to a Son About His Father", and I discovered it through the blog filmschoolrejects.com and their little write up caught my eye and I decided I had to see this movie. I thought I was just going to watch a movie about someone with daddy issues but I was oh so wrong. What I witnessed instead was a moving, dramatic, emotional roller coaster that left me sick to my stomach with rage and confusion on how something like the events depicted in the movie were allowed to take place.

The story behind the documentary is actually quite simple. The director of the movie found out his best friend had died. As a tribute to him he decided to go around the country and interview every single person of whom his best friend had ever come in contact with. Over the course of the film it is revealed that his friend has left behind a son and now his film becomes a way for the filmmaker to share the person that was his father with his son. I am leaving out A LOT but I am doing that on purpose because I don't want to spoil any of this wonderful, heart wrenching movie. Right now it is available for streaming viewing on netflix and I recommend you go watch it. It is also available at any and every video store imaginable so if you don't have a netflix account you can still watch it. Shoot if you email me I will give you my sign in and password for netflix so you can watch this movie. THAT is how much I want you to see this film. Below is the trailer which I hope will lead you to want to see this film just as much as it did me. I can't promise you will enjoy the movie but I can say you will gain a new found love of those who care about you and love you through this movie. Please watch it.

It's hard out there when your life is so easy

So I have had a lot of time off recently. No my hours haven't been cut, I just managed to go 6 days and only working 13 hours. In all this time I have had a lot of time to think about things. My life is pretty easy going. I have zero complaints. None. The hardest thing I have to "deal" with is being responsible and growing as a person, and honestly that isn't too hard. And yet, I can't seem top bring myself to smile lately. It's not that I am depressed, I just don't have anything to smile for. It's like this conversation I had with Aimee last week, I was having a rough day due to a lot of my friends having a rough day/week/afternoon and the emotional toll it took on me was rough. She asked me if I was happy. I told her the fact that they (meaning the friends who came to cheer me up) were happy I was happy. She reiterated her question, "but Allen, are YOU happy?"

I didn't have an answer.

As I mentioned in passing in my last blog I seem to have forgotten how to feel. I have detached myself so much from everything and everyone through my constant complaining, joking, teasing, and a general "I don't care" malaise that I simply have a hard time grasping my own feelings and claiming them as my own. Sure I have my moments, when I'm making dinner for friends, when I am spending time with those I care about, or when I am coerced into baring my testimony in church by a great friend. But I can't figure out how to hold onto those feelings. What's the point of being happy when you are alone? Why bother smiling when you're at a computer, or waiting for the bus? Why waste the energy being upset when said bus is late? Or the people at the store are rude? Why should that effect my life at all? Simply put what's the point of emotions when you have no one to share them with?

I don't want to end this making you think I'm depressed or sad, because I'm not. Every single day there is always something, or someone that makes me remember the point of feelings. Even if it is just a simple joke stolen from a movie that very few people have seen. But the moments are there, and I am recognizing them more and more, and I haven't lost hope that I will eventually find someone who makes me happy even when they aren't there.

I smiled today, and that's a start.

Oh my gosh she was right

So many moons ago I got into an argument with an ex of mine. She claimed I didn't talk to her. I claimed she was clearly not paying attention and had never met me because I never shut up. Clearly I was right. I mean all I ever do is talk. I talk movies, I talk sports, I talk movies. I even talk about sports. I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. Today it hit me and I am not even sure why. She didn't mean I never talked, she meant I never talk about anything important. I never talk about me. I never let her in. She was right.

It isn't just her, I do this with everyone. I doubt I have a relationship that goes beyond me listening, waiting patiently to interject a punchline. I avoid talking about me with the over use of the words fine, okay, alright. My moods and feelings often get pushed to the back burner to be ignored in favor of listening and trying too hard to be funny, to be liked. Any website that I am a member of where I am supposed to write an about me section it's filled with basic trivial things about me or snide jokes that tell absolutely zero about who I am. Well today I am going to change that. I'm just going to write about me and maybe educate you on who I am and what type of trouble you got yourself into by becoming my friend. Don't worry it will be ridiculously long winded and you will grow tired of it quickly if you haven't already. I wouldn't want to stray far from my typical writing style.

• I was born June 1st, 1980 in Walla Walla, WA
  
• I have lived in 5 towns since I was born.
• my parents divorced when I was 7.
• since then my dad has remarried.
• I am an only child, aka Mormon oddity.
• In the 2nd grade I wrote all of my spelling words backwards in order to impress a girl. When my mom came home from talking to my teacher about this my excuse was that "I forgot how to write."
• my first girlfriend was named Missy Anderson in the 1st grade. I would walk her home from school every day for a month.
• I didn't realize this made her my girlfriend until I met her kid sister in a playground many years later and she recognized me as her older sister's old boyfriend.
• I had 3 different 4th grade classes.
• My best friends growing up were Shawn Trieber and Tyler Simons.
• I was able to read at a 4th grade level by the end of the 1st grade.
• I hate reading because of that.
• When I was little I would put puzzles together from the inside out instead of the outside in. This frustrated my mother to no end.
• I own over 4,000 football cards.
• I have been arrested for shoplifting 4 separate times. Once on my birthday.
• I have very little memory of my childhood before the age of 8.
• Both of my parents have been excommunicated from the church.
• Only my mother got rebaptized though my dad made it a point to support me when I received the Melkezedek priesthood.
• I have 2 sets of scriptures, they are both 10-15 years old though you wouldn't tell it by looking at them.
• I use a baby picture as a bookmark in my scriptures because when I was younger I chewed out ones that came in them out of boredom.
• I own a Lego Yoda that took me 3 days to put together.
• Growing up I would alphabetize the video games at our local mom and pop video store just for fun, eventually the ladies that worked there would give me free rentals for all the work I did.
• My mom enrolled me in the Boys & girls club for 3 straight summers. I hated it and would skip with Shawn and spend my lunch money at the local arcade.
• The arcade was a front from drug dealers and we innocently just played video games all day oblivious to what was happening around us.
• I could eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day of my life and be happy.
• I love to cook but I hate to cook for just myself so I rarely do.
• I have always had more friends that were younger than me than my own age or older.
  
• When it comes to sports I am very superstitious. I once watched an entire half of a 49ers playoff game from the bathroom because the 49ers didn't start scoring until I went to the bathroom.
• Speaking of the bathroom, when I was younger I would never pee in the toilet, but rather other odd places.
• Some of the more interesting places I have peed: out my second floor window. My upstairs sink and the central heating vent in my room when I was 6.
• I once split open a kids head by dropping a cinder block on him when I was 6.
• I am amazing at eavesdropping.
• I have eaten a 12 egg omelet in one sitting.
• I have only kissed 3 girls.
• I only remember 1 of their names.
• The one I remember isn't my first kiss but rather my last.
• I pretend I don't like hugs because it gets me more hugs.
• I regret my Myspace blog.
• I regret not breaking my no seconds dates rule sooner.
• I have awkward and weird conversations with people late at night.
• Because of that I think I shouldn't be allowed to talk to people beyond midnight.
• I took swimming lessons until I was 11.
• I never made it past the guppy level.
• Guppies for the uninformed are the 2nd level of swimming lessons and roughly ages 5-6.
• I still don't swim very well.
• I have one tattoo that I received while drunk from my stoner friend who was also drunk at the time.
• His tattoo gun was a motorized Bic pen filled with tattoo ink.
• The only reason I haven't gotten it removed is to remind me that stupid things happen when you drink and/or get high.
• I crave attention more than I crave food.
• I make friends very easily.
• It's keeping them I suck at.
• I will argue with you for no reason whatsoever. It's fun for me.
• I realize it is usually only fun for me and I don't care.
• It's especially fun when I argue for something I don't even believe.
• I once spent an entire hour arguing that the earth was shaped like a hockey puck.
• I was in drama club for 2 years in high school and appeared in 5 performances.
• I love making racially awkward comments while in the company of people who don't know me.
• I lactate butter.
• I owned a New Kids On the Block doll when I was a kid.
• I also had their comic book and all of their albums.
• I would have willingly shared a bed with Michael Jackson simply because of Thriller.
• My first R rated movie that I saw was Commando. My dad took me to see it.
• I didn't live on my own until I was 24.
• I never felt stronger spiritually than I did in the Pasco 7th Branch.
• tried out for the highs school football team 3 separate years.
• I quit 2 days in every year because it was too hard.
• I was a member of 3 separate graduating classes, '98, '99, and 2000.
• I don't think I would be a member of the church if it wasn't for that 6th year of high school and Liz Allen.
• I can't sleep unless there is some noise.
• I wish I had been the one to have MS and not my mom.
• I don't regret not serving a mission because I realize now how important those 2 years after high school were for my mom.
• One of my most prized possessions is a bank in the shape of a monkey carved out of a coconut.
• I often forget that it's important to feel.
• I love rap music, but as I have grown up I have become picky about who I listen to.
• I am the very definition of a curmudgeon.
• I am an emotional sponge. If you are happy I am happy, if you are sad I am sad.
• I am horrible on the phone and would much rather just text you about anything.
• I send and receive about6,000 texts a month.
• I once stayed up late at night throwing ninja stars at the walls and ceiling of my friend's room. His mom was so mad she kicked me out of the house and wouldn't even let me come over to help repair the damages.
• I used to think my dad was a ninja.
• Turns out he was just a nerd with a fascination with the martial arts and their weapons.
• I spent a large portion of my childhood in therapy.
• None of it helped as much as having a blog.
• When I am scared I make horrible jokes to hide my pain.
• I meant horrible in them being inappropriate or mean, not bad or not funny.
• In fact I think that is when I am funniest.
• I am a professional wrestling fan.
• I am such a pro wrestling fan that I have been to at least a dozen live shows including Wrestlemania.
• Yes I know it's not real, guess what? I don't care.
• Despite all of the horrible things to happen to me in my life I would not change any of them.
• I love my job and I can't see me working anywhere else.
• I know more about you than you probably realize.
• I will not apologize for being a democrat just as I don't expect you to apologize for being a republican.
• That being said I also never, ever EVER want to talk politics with any of you. I really don't care all that much.
• I am not afraid to quote blogs I read and claim their thoughts as my own if I agree with them.
• I make horrible first impressions, but if you look past them I make amazing 3rd and 4th impressions.
• I own over $100 in hair product.
• I rarely use any of it.
• it bothers me when people I know see me in ugly clothes that don't fit right.
• I always have to stop and look at myself in a mirror when I see one.
• I own over 50 different ties.
• I have over 9,800 twitter updates.
• I am actually proud of that.
• I constantly afraid I won't have the approval and love of my family.
• I found my mom laying in a pool of her own vomit in the 4th grade and dialed 9-1-1.
• I was actually calm and at ease with them and they were able to save her.
• I still wish I had done more.
• I don't think I would be as funny as I am if it wasn't for my father.
• I have had complete conversations consisting of only George Carlin quotes and laughter.
• When I started going to RHS I spent lunch waiting outside my math class waiting for lunch to be over for 2 months before I had any friends.
• I secretly hated all the friends I had that year and yet I tried ridiculously hard to fit in with them.
• How I made friends in High School: One night I stayed up really late and got the idea to tape a piece of paper to my chest and see how many people would stop and read it.
• The paper said "Yes, my good luck paper is working, beautiful women are staring at me."
• people laughed, and as a result I did the same thing every day for 3 months with different sayings from George Carlin's book "Brain Droppings" on them.
• I told people they were my own so they would like me.
• I'm convinced most of them just felt sorry for me.
• I know all of the words to most Outkast songs and will sing along with them as soon as I hear them regardless of who is around.
• I contend the funniest word in the English language is "Monkey".
• I once laughed for 3 hours straight because of the name Tutankhamen.
• No I wasn't high.
  
• I still don't know why I thought that was funny.
• I did stand up comedy for the seminary talent show the year I graduated.
• I had my seminary teacher read my jokes to okay them for a church audience.
  
• Surprisingly he approve of them.
• Later on he told me he didn't think they were funny on paper and he was worried I was going to look stupid. But he really enjoyed them when I actually performed my routine.
• They were all jokes I stole from lesser known comedians I love.
• My cousin still talks about that night with great pride.
• he was convinced I was going to say something crass and inappropriate.
  
• I still perform these jokes when there is a talent show.
• I have 3 different families that I belong to.
• My favorite celebrities to meet are comedians, they have always been so kind and gracious and humble about who they are.
• I wish I gave more money to the homeless men and women I see at night.
• I have broken 3 sofas and a table because of my weight.
• just the thought of that makes me want to live on a diet of laxatives and diet pills.
• If a DVD comes in an awkwardly shaped box, I WILL BUY IT.
• Over 1/3rd of my movies are movies I have never seen before.
• I have abandonment issues because of my relationship with my father.
• I have a fear of intimacy because of my father.
• I love my father and I still want to be just like him when I become a parent.
• That last one scares me.
• I buy expensive things in order to get people to like me.
• I love the Town House Flipside Cracker, and it makes me cry when my grocery store doesn't carry them.
• If you think Dane Cook is funny we are not friends.
• I never buy more than a day's worth of groceries at the store.
• I hate processed foods and I will try to use fresh produce as often as possible.
• I judge people by their movie collections.
  
• I own a copy of Blankman.
• I am intimidated by the people in Gospel principles class because they are more scripturally astute compared to me.
• My testimony is the greatest gift I have ever received.
• I am selfish though and I hate sharing it with others for fear it isn't strong enough.
• I cried at my mother's baptism when my Cousin Rob sang I Am a Child of God by himself because I was too self righteous to sing with him.
• I hate that song because of that day and how I acted.
• I have no idea how to end this.
  

Birthdays and Baseball

I wasn't always a baseball fan. In fact I distinctly remember in my interview one of the first questions asked was if I was a fan of the Mariners. The girl I had my group interview ecstatically went on and on about how she loved the team and going to games. I shrugged my shoulders and said that I had only been to two MLB baseball games my entire life and I went mostly for the environment. I even admitted to being more of a football fan.

She didn't get the job, I obviously did. Since then I have become a follower and a fan. I went to about 20 games last year for various reasons ranging from boredom to family and everything in between. If I open and there is a game that night, chances are I am going to that game even if I don't have friends going with me. I won't say that baseball has supplanted my love of the NFL but it has officially taken root in my life and I don't expect it to go anywhere regardless of if I remain employed by the Mariners.

Every year for the last 2 years I have been at Safeco Field on my birthday, and every year it has been one of the more memorable days of the year. Two years ago I was working, I had forgot to request it off. I forget what the big event was on this day but i do remember being asked by Marc our boss down at the ballpark the ever important question "What day is it?" To which led to this conversation:

me: "my birthday"
Marc: "really?"
me: "yeah, and you made me work ya jerk"
Marc: "you shoulda requested it off it isn't my fault"

I believe that cemented the love my job, because there are very few people who can get away with calling their boss a jerk, in front of the entire staff, and not get reprimanded at all.

After transitioning out of the ballpark at the end of the '07 season and into Bellevue Square I was able to actually plan my birthday party around going to the baseball game. The only issue was my birthday was on a Sunday this year. And with almost all of my friends that I wanted to spend time with on this oh so special day being Mormon and actually wanting to be seen as good people I wasn't sure how many people would want to come to the game with me.

I invited everyone. I wasn't expecting a huge turnout so I figured the more I invited the more fun Mormons I would corrupt and convince to join me. I think i had 14 people come join me at the ballpark. We had $7 center field bleacher seats and it was a lot of fun. My good friend Zach came in from the Tri-Cities to spend the entire week with me, we even took in 5 baseball games that week. My ex girlfriend Tori came to visit and brought two of her close friends with her from Yakima, and then some of my best and closest Seattle friends also came along for the game. Aimee was even kind enough to make homemade cracker jacks for everyone complete with prizes. The only aspect of my life not represented was my Lewiston Years, a transgression I hope to resolve soon. We had a glorious time, the Mariners lost (if you paid any attention to Seattle sports last year that was kinda common practice.) but it didn't matter, I was with my friends and I was happy.

This year once again the Mariners have a home game on my birthday. They face Baltimore and it's on a Monday. Once again I invited everyone. It's 1/2 family night down at the ballpark which means $10 seats and we actually get decent seats this year. I don't know how good the game will be, and I don't really know who's gonna come (so far 22 people have said yes and 25 people have said maybe. Like I said I invited everyone) but I do know that regardless it's impossible to have a bad time when there is baseball and birthdays especially when you have friends like I do who constantly bring joy to my life just by being in it.

temptation and overcoming

Confession: I love a good screwball mad cap comedy full of dirty jokes, filthy language and male bonding. Judd Aptow and Kevin Smith are two of the finniest filmmakers around and they can do no wrong in my eyes. I could watch the 40 year old virgin a million times and it would continue to be funny. Forgetting Sarah Marshall is one of the funniest movies I have EVER seen. Don't even get me started on Clerks 2. Once again they can do no wrong in my eyes and I will always support them as filmmakers in one way or another.

However, I have also recently realized that while I enjoy these movies with a passion I am constantly using this phrase with my friends "you don't want to see this movie, but it is SOOOO good!" or "this is so inappropriate but there are some good parts in it" my personal favorite was Forgetting Sarah Marshall "sure you see his penis 9 times but it was done for comedic effect and it was so awkwardly funny!" (yes I said that. multiple times in fact.) and I realized something today when I was listening to themovieblog.com's review for "I Love You, Man" a movie I fully intended on seeing this weekend, that I was most likely going to have to say those things again. I was going to tell people they shouldn't watch something because it was against standards I claimed to share with them, and yet I was fully going to enjoy and ignore my own advice.

Why should I be exempt from my own judgements? Why is it that I deemed those things appropriate for me and yet not for someone else? It was a double standard and hypocritical of me to suggest that I was above the standards I claim to follow.

Now don't get me wrong, I will still watch R rated movies. I have been and I have a feeling I always will be a believer that the MPAA is bogus and biased in their rating system (I might expound on this in a later blog if I have the urge) and that we shouldn't actually pay any attention to whether a movie is PG or R when it comes time to watch a movie. It is our duty as a consumer to pay attention to early discussions, watch trailers, read articles, essentially DO RESEARCH about a movie you have interest in seeing and judge for yourself if you think the content in it is appropriate for you or not.

Instead what I am saying is I am not going to watch a movie that I would tell any of my friends not to watch due to content.... in theaters. I added that last little bit partially because I know I will probably watch them on DVD eventually especially the ones that I already own thanks to my resolution. However I will not be purchasing them either, and with any luck I will reach a point in the near future where I will be strong enough to take all my inappropriate movies to Half Price Books and be rid of that part of my life. However until then... baby steps.

Gold and Green Blah

Okay remember how much I ripped into the New Year's Dance? How most of the things I said I liked about it were the freaks and weird people that were there? Yeah well the Gold and Green Ball was even worse. I have never felt so out of place and so without a solid reason for being somewhere than I did Saturday night. As my good friend Sarah Pearce mentioned of the festivities "It is like a Junior High prom!", except I would add "for the special Olympics".

I can't fault the people there for being able to find a way to have fun while they were there. They are better people than I. They were able to enjoy the horrible music, the overly bright room, the awkwardly out of place light shows, the even worse than HORRIBLE music, and the strange guys wearing fake mustaches who are there to hit on every girl in the room in hopes of finding the 3 with low standards and no self control/worth. Here is just a brief listing of the people and things I enjoyed about this event once I started searching for the silver lining.

• At least my friends there had style and class. Everyone else either looked like they just decided to wear the same clothes they wore to casual Friday at work or the most absurd and/or unfortunate outfit they had in their closet to pass off as formal wear. Oh the bridesmaids dresses (not you Laney you looked cute I promise) and ridiculous suits were out in full force.
• I learned 347843753 new line dances! Seriously Mormons can (and will) line dance to EVERYTHING. I realize touching is completely wrong and full of cooties but you know you can dance in other geographical shapes right? Why is there no Octagon dancing? Complete with UFC fighting in the middle.
• Also apparently it is completely normal to ballroom dance to Pink. And Rhianna. And Vanilla Ice (we will talk about that later). Let me give you a hint here people - you look stupid. There is a time to ballroom dance (the 18th century) and a place to ballroom dance (gym class), and despite it's name the Gold and Green Ball is NOT one of them. Especially when they are playing hip hop.
• Vanilla Ice is even sorry for Ice Ice Baby, why must we continue to pretend it is enjoyable?
  This is not a good song! You know who like this song? Idiots and children. I listened to it when it came out and even I had the decency to say "I like MC Hammer more." HAMMER!!!! If you are categorizing hip hop music and you are ranked below HAMMER, it is time for your music to go away.
• "excuse me Allen but we need to go stand next to some attractive boys now." Only Bridgette, Leah and Sarah could get away with saying this and not make me feel like I am hideous and want to shoot myself.
• Once again the food was top rate, though a bit too much for anyone's breath. Kudos again to Bridgette.
• Reuniting with old friends is fun though also a bit of a let down. Not my actual friends mind you, just my friends from the new Year's dance. Stick guy left his stick at home, Alien guy looks more and more normal the more I see him, there were no glow stick related injuries, bumblebee girl didn't look like a bumblebee and it even looks like she finally hit a growth spurt since last time. I was hoping for a revival of my feelings of joy from the last dance and I was met with a surprising amount of normal.
• Oh but there were freaks a plenty. during the aforementioned Ice Ice Baby i saw a guy essentially rape an Asian girl on the dance floor. there were a total of 3 little people there, 2 were even there as a couple. I learned the importance of modesty thanks to a large girl with no sleeves who's arms looked like she could flap them and fly away and enough cleavage to smother an army (and not the good kind of cleavage). And my favorite person of the whole night - white snoop dogg. It seriously looked like he took all his fashion advice from "from G's to Gents" and yet still got it wrong.

So all in all it was another fun evening of people watching with some of my favorite people with taste. The snark was in full effect and honestly, I can't wait for the next big dance so we can do it all again.

The Roommate Swap - how is this allowed?????

Okay now I realize I am quite old so maybe this is just my old curmudgeon in me but the concept of the roommate switch is baffling me that it seems to be allowed in this day and age. it just seems so dirty and wrong on so many levels. For those of you not familiar with the roommate switch let me explain briefly.

person A is dating person B who is living with person C. Person A breaks up with person B. Person A then starts dating person C. Person B now has to continue to see person A all the time and live with the idea that they are not as pretty or handsome as person C.

I don't know why I wasted my time saying person because there is only one sex that actually attempts the roommate switch - men. And honestly this makes me disappointed in my sex.

Do these men not see what they are saying with their actions? Do they not see how much they are hurting the people they just broke up with? I just don't get it. Was it not enough to break their heart that you now have to remind them that clearly you think their roommate (most likely a friend of theirs) is prettier than they are?

Now my question is why are ladies allowing this to happen? I mean you can say no to said douche bag and stand up for your roommate, but instead you accept his attention and thus begins the awkwardness of the roommate switch. Ladies you are above this, and gentlemen you are scum if you attempt this and don't deserve either lady.

Now I realize that by saying you can't attempt the roommate switch, especially in the Mormon world where essentially everyone lives in 5 houses, that it isn't feasible to think you can't date within the same house. And I get that really I do. However there are only two exceptions that I can think of that allow you to date within the house and they are as follows -

1. You have the ex girlfriend's expressed permission to do this. However keep in mind when she is giving you this she is probably just being a good person and doesn't actually want you to do this but because you are an insensitive prick for even asking.

2. You must date at least 2 other people or have it be a minimum of 6 months whichever is longer between the ex girlfriend and the roommate. This gives them enough space to get over you and it actually gets you away from the ex and that house to let bygones be bygones.

Those are your outs gentlemen. That's it. I don't care how amicably the relationship ended or how hot the roommate is. You have zero excuses for being a douche. Knock it off and use some common sense you Mongoloid idiots who can only think with their small head instead of the big one where their brain is. You are making me look bad.

The fear of looking fat

I have a date tonight. It's no big deal and yet my mind insists on wanting things to be perfect. It has nothing to do with the girl though, even though she seems great so far when I talk to her. No just like I normally do if I have anything remotely social that requires some sort of dressing to a different degree besides casual, I FREAK OUT.

I can dress myself on a daily basis (granted that usually just consists of my work uniform) and match and look good when I don't need to but any time I have to dress up, even church on Sunday, my mind decides "I'm not going to let you be normal". I frantically flip through my closet, finding old standards that have worked in the past and usually go with those after second guessing them for about 30 minutes. Today is even worse because it seems all those old standards are dirty and in need of washing. And of course because I have been busy all morning with other things my laundry JUST went into the wash.

I miss having Adam across the hall. We both had this same problem and we would often bounce ideas off each other and advise each other on our outfits. He was often the only one who actually recognized, appreciated, and openly praised my clothing choices. the first Sunday after he left on his mission I wound up wearing the absolute worst possible outfit and I am convinced it wouldn't have happened if he had just stayed home and went to grad school instead of Korea. And I'll be honest, I'm kinda bitter. Sure there are my other roommates but I'll be honest, none of these guys, Mark excluded, can dress themselves. It's kinda sad. And as for going to Mark, as open as I am to Mark's jokes I still don't want to hear it about what I am wearing. He's too critical and the closest I will ever get to a compliment from him is "eh" or "well I wouldn't wear that but it looks okay on you" and that is not what I need.

Writing this blog post has actually managed to clear my head a bit and help me focus my energy somewhere besides my clothes so maybe I can actually put a decent outfit together for tonight... but what about the Gold & Green tomorrow night???

Maybe I will talk to Mark.

The Wonderful World of Twitter

So it is no surprise to those who know me that I love Twitter. I don't think a moment goes by where you see me on my phone and I am not Twittering, or reading tweets from my friends, or thinking about something clever I should tweet. It's an addiction and I'm okay with that.

For those of you who don't know what Twitter is let me summarize and try to hold in my obvious bias. Twitter is where you share various things with your friends within 140 characters. It can range to what you are doing at that moment, to random thoughts, questions you need help with, or funny jokes designed to brighten the days of those who follow you. the only limit is your imagination and 140 characters.

I will be the first to admit twitter is kinda lame if you only have so many friends involved. For the first 4 months I really only had 1 person I talked to on Twitter and I mostly texted her during the day anyway so it kinda served no purpose except to see what she was doing and to make sure all was well in her world. And then I started following people, people started following me and soon I had myself a great group of people that I have never met though I still call friends.

Should you get twitter, and of course I recommend you do, you should look these fine people up. they are great and I am going to tell you exactly why.

errica - Dean was the first person who told me about twitter. She's my best friend and on a regular basis the strength that keeps me going. I love her.

Sample tweet - "Boys suck. They just want the sunshine in my pants. Well, i say no. Go find your own sunshine panties"

kibbe - I like to call her the East Coast Dean. She's punk rock with a New York Attitude and a gusto for the entertaining. She never ceases to make me laugh and provide me with endless entertainment.

Sample Tweet - "My dad's first wall post ever?? "Hi foxy lady it's great to have you as my friend" (that's to me, btw, haha) I AM LOVING THIS!!"

jamesbressi - James is amazing. he seems to know everyone, experience amazing things, and continue to try to expand his horizons. He is always willing to give me a hand and an uplifting word when I need it and believe me I often need it. He even lets me give him crap for his town's sports teams, you gotta love that.

Sample Tweet - "Don't u hate when u write something, but when u re-read it after u sent it u realized it sounds snippy, when u didn't mean it that way" (note: while I normally hate the use of the letter U instead of you, it is imperative with Twitter and turns out not as duchy.)

domonews - truth be told I love Derek and honestly if you aren't friends with him I don't think we could be friends ever. He's that awesome. He is always there when I need him, and even willing to sit through an atrocious movie like Blankman just because we both needed friends that night. He's the greatest.

Sample Tweet - "Just woke up sweating. Stupid heaters. Time to start sleeping naked again, maybe."

_aims - Aimee is adorable. There is no other way to describe her. She will always go out of her way to make others happy regardless of what is going on in her life. She still refuses to get twitter updates on her phone but that could just be because I update way too much. She's awesome and I hope she doesn't mind me saying as much. (she usually hates it when I say nice things about her.)

Sample Tweet - "I'm officially a wuss. The hunting game at Gameworks made me cry and I couldn't shoot the bears because I felt bad for the orphaned cubs."

kurtkaiser - Kurt is relatively new to twitter but I can say with great confidence that it has already taken over his life. He's funny, crass, caring, and he's still got that new user smell that makes him so much fun to play with. Kurt never fails to bring a smile to my face and he truly is a joy to talk with.

Sample Tweet - "Rachel Maddow has a twitter, i am more sold on this thing everyday. Rachel, I want to have your children."

cracked - Now Cracked is a website that I love and thankfully they carry their irreverent brand of humor to twitter. I haven't read an update by them that doesn't make me laugh, which is only a problem when I have to explain what I am laughing at.

Sample Tweet - "The alternative looked grim when my jobless sister read "Ass Gas or Grass" aloud off my bumper as I gave her a ride to narcotics anonymous."

fictionALY - Aly never ceases to amaze me with the amount of things she is willing to put out there for the world to enjoy. She also amuses me and my Catholic school marm fantasies every so often.

Sample Tweet - "I'm craving a Yoo-Hoo. With vodka. Gray Goose to keep it classy with the Yoo-Hoo."

hopeinhell - My personal favorite Australian female (okay so she's the only one I know but still she's awesome) she is always entertaining, and one of the two Australians that have convinced me they are all chain smokers.

Sample tweet - "Dear @hopeinhell. Please remember that any mention of nipples inflames the masses in future, and don't. Thanks @hopeinhell. :P" (the @ before her name is how you can tell who they are talking to. It serves as a marker of distinction between tweets as part of a conversation or just general tweets)

yonderboy - Alright yonderboy is an interesting character that again makes me laugh ridiculously on a regular basis. he is also one of my other favorite Aussies, especially since he claims to be sending me a candy bar that I just have to try. He has managed to help me and talk me off of many a ledge in the past and i am grateful for his friendship, one that I very much wouldn't have without twitter.

Sample Tweet - "i have somehow managed to tie my feet together by wheeling my chair around the office whilst wearing my headphones.."

WDC - Ah the friend I take the most crap for having, and honestly I can see why on a superficial level but considering how much this 14 year old basketball enthusiast and technical genius reminds me of me at this age, I am giving just about a negative amount of crap as to what others think. He's a great kid and i truly want nothing but the best for him and I'm glad to consider him a friend, To Catch a Predator jokes be damned.

Sample Tweet - "Going to reinstall Linux, again. It's too much of a hassle with all the apt-get issues. THis time, Xubuntu instead of Ubunu with XFCE." (he also says normal people things that I actually understand but this is just to show off his gibberish)

dougbenson - As you all know I LOVE stand up comedy, and Doug is a stand up comedian I have had the great pleasure to see live multiple times (in fact Kurt and I are going to see him next month!) and I am so glad to have him on twitter. He is also the star of the documentary Super High Me, and on pretty much every VH1 show ever. He also took the time to send me a DM (direct Message, or a message that just I could read) which is something I didn't really expect from any of the famous people I follow.

Sample Tweet - "If you see my awful Axe commercial, keep in mind that I didn't get paid very much to do it, which makes me the lamest sell out of all times."

taylor_blue - Taylor is a celebrity blogger and a stay at home mom. Sure a lot of her tweets are plugs for her articles but when she does interact with her fans/friends it is always thoughtful and great. She does that a lot as well. I always love chatting with her and she is often kind enough to rig her website contests so that I win them every time I enter (disclaimer that is a joke I win them fair and square), quite simply she's the best.

Sample Tweet - "Ummm I have to brag for a second...TEN Gossip was a semi-finalist in the Blogger's Appreciation Awards. I <3 TEN Gossip.com"

rufusisnodufus - So Rufus (not his real name but look at me not caring) is a new friend on Twitter so I don't really know much about him though I can say he is funny, charming, entertaining, and a rather quick learner. He is also just plain enjoyable to talk with. Oh and he loves himself some Oatmeal Raisin Cookies.

Sample tweet - "I just finished my oatmeal raisin cookie and I already miss it. Why did you have to leave me cookie!?!?!?!?! ::starts sobbing::" (see, madly loves them)

drewfa - Drew is also quite new to the world of twitter though he does have a great teacher in his roommate Kibbe. I can say he's funny, quirky, a delight to talk with, and I can already tell the two of us would get a long greatly if I were ever to make a visit to NYC.

Sample Tweet - "Just had to jump the turnstile at the subway because the train was there and my stupid card wasn't working! I'm officially a criminal..."

stickrachel - I knew about Rachel before we even met. She would be my competition with Dean for the title of best friend (currently I will say I am winning but only because I refuse to admit defeat) And once we met it just sort of worked. She's quirky and clever, enjoyable on almost every level of existence and once again, she's someone who makes me laugh. Quite simply I enjoy her.

Sample Tweet - "Dear Girl On Bus: Please buy a bra that fits your enormous breasts. They are spilling out the top, and not in a sexy way."

gregbehrendt - Greg is another one of my favorite stand up comedians, I have met him on a couple different occasions as well and is a genuinely great guy. He is also the co-author of a couple books, most predominately "He's Just Not That Into You". Interesting and fun fact, I was one of the first 10 people to follow him on Twitter and he has replied to me a couple times.

Sample Tweet - "@allenbrand Go about your life KICKING ASS! Always be in motion if she misses out on your awesomeness her loss! She had a shot." (best advice I was ever given.)

jennyjenjen - Jenny was the first person to follow me on Twitter that I had never met or interacted with in person. Funny story, I had no idea about the replies tab and what it did (it lets you see all the replies to your tweets from all of twitter not just those that you follow), and when I finally went through there I saw a few replies from her from a long time back and so I felt bad and started chatting with her. A rather fun and interesting friendship has grown from it. Yay replies tab!

Sample Tweet - "Might just be a Daft-Punk-blasting-out-the-windows kind of day. Reminds me of working the student club when I lived in Sweden :)"

decayedangel - Jes is one of my nearest and dearest friends. She has taught me oh so much and helped me become a better artist back when I actually had time to work on Graphic Design stuff. Our friendship kinda disappeared for a bit when I moved but thanks to twitter, and facebook we still talk occasionally. Quite simply she is awesome, and I don't know who I would be without her influence in my life.

Sample Tweet - "my dog just discovered the joy of opening the bathroom cabinet, gently pulling out q-tips & eating them. she's only smart when she's bad."

ttuesdayy - I'm working hard on getting Jennifer as addicted to twitter as I am but she is a hard sell. Either way she's a great girl and as one of the few people I know in real life who has an account I had to include her on here. Plus she's also all sorts of awesome so you know how that works.

Sample Tweet - "Maybe it's just homeland pride talking here, but the Oscar statuette is way cooler than the BAFTA masky thing."

So there you have it, my favorite tweeps, and a short take on why I love twitter. It's because of these people, and because of the new people I meet every day. It's a fun world they let me play in and I am just giving them some love back.

I have finally found the love of my life

And wouldn't you know it I found her in a grocery store.


I was doing some late night shopping as I am prone to doing since the store is so close to my house. I was dressed like a slob which again I am very prone to doing when it's late and I'm shopping. I didn't even do my hair, and if any of you know me I never leave the house without doing my hair. I figured I just needed to run in and grab some things then head home and eat. And then I turned down the snack isle and I saw HER. She was a red head, which is my kryptonite. She was also short but I was able to look past that because the majesty of her beauty was something I had never beheld before, and doubt I would ever see again. She seemed like a little mixed ethnicity beauty though I couldn't put my finger on which ones. It didn't matter though I had no words for her as for once I couldn't talk.Sheepishly I walked past her wishing I had the courage to speak.

As it is with any grocery store romance her visage haunted me every isle I went. Ice Cream, she was there. Bakery, she was there. She even followed me to the cleaning isle. As i wandered over to the check out lane I realized in all the admiration of this beauty I forgot to pick up something in the snack isle that was imperative to the rest of my evening of watching movies. I headed back to the snack isle and once again she was there, just as radiant as before. It was fate. I had to talk to her. Mustering up all courage I could I walked up to her and said the only thing I could muster - "I want to take you home".

And she let me. After a quick journey through the checkout stand we ran across the street and entered in the back door because it was faster to get inside. Discarding and ignoring the groceries that seemed oh so important a mere hour ago I grabbed her and placed her on our counter. As I brought her to my lips I became overcome with bliss and a feeling of love that I had never thought possible. Oh the pleasures felt that evening with her in my arms. I will save you the details of our evening together in fear that you will think less of me for giving into my temptations but I will say I would never give up anything for those hours of pleasure we shared.

Every time I visit my grocery store now I keep an eye out for her. She hasn't been there but eventually I have faith that she will be soon enough.


Flipside crackers, I love you please come back to me.