Now I will allow you all to regain your composure for a moment to grasp what I am saying. I get that I have more than just a few extra pounds on my already large frame. I get that I eat more than most, though interestingly enough most of that has more to do with my desire to not eat breakfast or dinner and instead just snack through the day and have one large meal in the middle as opposed to it having to do with me being fat. However over the last 2 days I have have conveniently enough two separate instances of people thinking I am not aware of my condition, or at least being giant asshats about it.
So yesterday my mom was in town for a doctor's appointment to meet with a surgeon to talk about gastric bypass surgery. See being fat is kinda genetic, though her size isn't really helped by her being almost completely wheelchair bound thanks to the MS she has had since I was 3. Because I am a good son I tagged along for moral support and to get myself as informed as I possibly could be about her potential surgery. Now I'm not going to get into the specifics of her condition or her surgery partially because this isn't a blog about her, and partially because it isn't my place to talk about her business. However I will say that I am very proud of her for taking the necessary steps she needs to loose some of the excess weight that is making her life so difficult right now and to try whatever she can actually do to remedy her obesity. I may not think surgery is the answer for her in her physical state but I will support her in trying to make her life easier. Sitting in on these meetings has also managed to influence me to not let myself get to the point where surgery is the only possible recourse to my own weight issues. I am still young and I can still do something about it. I have been walking about 1 mile and a half 5 times a week for almost a year, and recently I have been monitoring my caloric intake and limiting myself in my what I eat. I honestly have never felt as healthy and strong as I do right now. I no longer look at myself in the mirror and see someone ugly and repulsive. I see someone who is trying, and someone who is an amazing human being with room to improve.
And that is why I found what happened in that doctor's office so disheartening.
Now my mom is wheelchair bound so she already had a seat in the small office. I am always a big fan of sitting on the doctor's beds and playing with all the instruments so naturally with the bed available I sat on the bed and eventually after realizing this appointment was going to take a while I laid down. After the resident comes in and interviews my mom in comes the actual surgeon, and I am met with this comment "Oh hey you look like a patient!" with a chuckle and a laugh. This is a surgeon that only does Gastric Bypass surgery. His only patients are ridiculously overweight people. Now I know what he meant was that because of where I was located and the fact that I was laying on the bed I looked like a regular doctor's patient. HOWEVER to my ears all I heard was "Holy crap why am I not cutting open your belly and taking out 3/4ths of your stomach tubby?", it was dehumanizing and I was not pleased with this man that I was trusting my mother's life with. Thankfully he recommended my mother do the Lapband surgery instead of the gastric bypass because she can't really exercise and it would be pretty much useless for her, which means this jerkoff will not be performing her surgery. Let's hope the next doctor she meets with has a little bit better bedside manners.
Now today I returned back to work and after a few hours at work it became time for me to eat my lunch. Now in a mall there really isn't many options when it comes to healthy food to eat so i settled for the place I decided was the healthiest options in the mall, and quite frankly one of my favorites Rice and Roll a sushi place right across the corridor from my store. I get my usual bento box and half Kanimi roll and things are going pretty well. The people that work there are always so great to me. In fact there was a time when I became a regular there and they knew exactly what I was going to order and they started it before I even paid for it.
Today however was a different story.
The young guy behind the counter takes my order and then hands things off to the little Asian lady to make my sushi. I grab my utensils (I still don't know how to use chopsticks properly) and wait patiently for my food, when the kindly little Asian lady makes small talk with me. "You too big. You eat too much food." What? Was this really happening? Certainly they wouldn't insult a regular customer would they? these are all thoughts I had while she was making hand gestures just to make sure I knew she was calling me a lardass. "you shouldn't come here. You should save your money and not eat." Sure to her face I just laughed and pretended not to be hurt by her comments, but on the inside I was holding back from reaching over the counter and slapping her in the face. I would even use my giant mantits just to make her aware that I knew that I had them.
Never have I ever experienced so much dehumanizing behavior in a 24 hour span. Not even in middle school and rest assured I was fat then too. And yet I pressed on. I still walked home today and sure I was pissed and frustrated at the blatantly horrible behavior by this one little woman (am am giving the doctor a pass because clearly it was a misunderstanding on my part) I decided that once I write this blog and once I complain to her manager I'm not going to let it bother me and I am going to move on. I know I'm working on my problem and I know I am getting better. That is what is important, not what a few shortsighted individuals say or think about me as a person. There is no point in letting their comments get to me because they just don't know any better.
It's time I become the bigger man while trying to become a smaller man.