25 (actually 10 but I say a lot) random things about me

So i did this on my facebook a couple months ago but since then I have been tagged at least 3 times by other people so I thought I would take another stab and see just how interesting I can pretend my life is and see if I can come up with 25 NEW things you may not have known about me. I'm not gonna lie, these things are probably lame but it was fun to come up with. Also since I ramble so much there is no way I am going to get 25 of these things without boring you to death.

1. I hate the way I sound when I sing and yet there isn't a Sunday where I don't get invited to choir or told how wonderful my voice is. I am convinced all these people are tone deaf or just being nice. I mean I can't read music. I don't know my part. I just try to sing how I think it should sound. I have tried the choir thing (yes cute girls were involved they are my kryptonite) but I grew easily frustrated and spent the entire time wishing I sounded like the other guys in the group or at the very least understood and knew what I was doing which leads to me quitting the choir in an embarrassed mess.

2. I'm convinced my roommates hate me. Not necessarily a full blown I wish he was dead hate but more the block from my mind and pretend they don't exist in hopes that they go away kind of hate. Now this might be an issue to most people I can understand the situation enough to know that really it's okay. Our house has an interesting dynamic in that there is very little communication between roommates. For the most part I think I can actually manage to go 3 days without seeing a single roommate without much effort. And due to that it is very easy to assume I'm at work since I practically live there and my room isn't really around anyone else's it's easy to forget me when they are going to church or FHE or a party. Still it kinda sucks to be forgot.

3. I miss having a best friend. Now this is not a knock on Dean, she's still my best friend and I would do anything for her just as I know she would for me. No what I mean is I miss having that friend I can call at any moment and say "let's go do something." and then instead of being met with a cadre of excuses all you get back is "okay". I love my grown up best friend, she's amazing and I wouldn't change a single thing about her. What I miss is that childhood best friend. I don't have any brothers or sisters but I imagine it like that. You go everywhere together and everyone is surprised when they see you separated. I want what Sarah and Charity have. I may give them a hard time about it but it's mostly out of jealousy.

4. There are at least four girls that I can name off the top of my head that I would ask to marry me in a heartbeat if I thought there was even the slightest chance they would say yes. I don't have a girlfriend, as should be painfully obvious by the amount of movies I have the time to watch, but I do have a lot of very close female friends. I don't know how, or why they choose to be my friend but honestly they are so very amazing that I wouldn't have it any other way. That doesn't mean I wouldn't date them tomorrow if they asked, but rather that I want them to be the happiest they can possibly be and I know that isn't me, well not me beyond being their friend and watching out for them to make sure they find someone just as awesome as I am. I wouldn't want them to settle for anything but the best... well second best since clearly I'm too good for them ;).

5. the greatest compliment anyone could ever give me is that they think I'm funny. It's not that I don't love hearing about my hair, or my huge heart, or that they are impressed with my copious amounts of pointless movie knowledge but I find more joy in making people laugh than anything else. You can fake a smile, you can fake interest in whatever someone is talking about (I do both on a daily basis) but there is no faking a good hearty laugh. When you try to fake it everyone can tell it wasn't honest. Sure I try really hard to get that laugh but that's only because it means so much to me. Your approval and your love is really only valid to me through laughter because as I said it's the only thing that I can trust.

6. I kinda wish I was gay. No not because girls aren't into me (they are, just not the ones I am into) and not for the fashion sense (I have plenty of that thank you very much) but for the sense of community. As a white heterosexual male I have no NAACP, I have no LGBT support group. The best I have is the Klan and while I hate people, I don't hate loosely, but rather specifically. I hate the man on the bus who refuses to understand headphones not everyone who doesn't wear Chucks or some other group of people (see how I avoided race there? I'm a smart one.) Let's face it, what it boils down to is I'm lazy and I don't want to have to find friends with common interests, I just want to be born into it, if for no other reason than that means they can't kick me out.

7. I focus on the absurd to avoid the personal. Now what that means is if I keep my relationships superficial there is no chance of you getting to know the real me and being scared away or me getting too close. This is why I tease you. This is why we aren't close. There are very few people out there who know me. Who know the real me. And even with those few I still have secrets I haven't told you. My parents divorced when I was 7 and shortly there after my best friend/father was out of my life (I would like to point out that he was not a deadbeat dad, the child support was paid right up until I graduated high school and he loved me very much). I know it's cliche to blame things on divorce, and I know a lot of this isn't the divorce perhaps my stint in foster homes in the 4th grade had something to do with it or something else entirely, but the fact is I went from a very vocal and friendly kid (I once went door to door for 3 blocks asking parents if they had kids I could play with without my parents permission) to someone who let's people come to him. Now I'm still vocal but I don't actively search for friends, I just let them happen.

8. I have a new batch of guy friends every year. Here's a timeline for you of my close friends since I was 24. First there was Brice and then he got married, then Zach. Zach then went on a mission and Jared became my buddy. Then I moved to Seattle and Sean was my closest friend. After Sean spent his summer with his family it became Kurt and Mark's turn as my close friends. Now while I am close to Kurt and Mark still I have been spending more and more free time with Jon and some people in a different ward closer to my age. I can't really explain it but i have noticed the trend.

9. Conversely any female friends I have I stay pretty close with. My friend Kim from the Tri-Cities became really close over the 6 months before I moved to Seattle. She even helped me pack. I still send her texts and messages on facebook when I think about her just to see how she is doing. Mallory is another close friend that logic would dictate that her getting married and moving on with her life would prevent me from staying in contact with her but nope I still talk to her and check in on her baby belly. That's two examples though I am sure I could name a hundred more. I guess this is one reason why Number six up there will never happen huh?

10. (this one is going to be the last one, you're welcome) I wish I was more cultured. I'm doing small things to work on this goal, I'm reading more. I'm going to concerts, I'm catching more live entertainment as opposed to movies, I don't eat processed foods. I try to experience new and interesting meals when I do eat out or when I cook at home. For so long I have lived a sheltered existence of my own doing and now I think it's time for me to live. What that means I am not entirely sure, but it's going to be fun to find out.