Okay apparently that statement does surprise a few people. In the past I have been outed as gay by at least 3 people. Well one of them outed me, two of them asked my friends if I was gay.
I don't mind being called gay, in fact I almost consider it a compliment. Many of the best people in my life are gay. they motivate me to be a better person and inspire me in ways I honestly don't believe a straight friend could. While constantly belittling me they often find time to remind me of just how much hope they have in me as a person and what they think I am capable of. Kurt, Mark, and Austin thank you.
I know we joke about it all the time but I honestly do get a lot of the tips and ideas on how I should dress, and what styles I should be looking at from Kurt specifically. Sure I could match colors just fine before I met him but since I have actually been able to pull off coordinating outfits and stop constantly wearing Mariners gear. I will not hesitate to say I flat out steal Kurt's trends and fashion and claim it as my own. Yes I am aware that makes them not "cool" anymore but the joy is this - none of my straight friends realize this and I still get compliments every time I kill one of Kurt's fashion statements.
Case in point - Kurt doesn't go to church regularly (honestly I can't blame him one bit) but when he does he will dress in church clothes and on his feet are a pair of black Converse sneakers. he has been doing this pretty much the entire time I have known him. Shoot it's the name of one of his many blogs. I envied him for this and thought I could never pull it off. Then one day I decided I wanted to try it. I wore my suit and a pair of black chucks. I'd say at least 7 people commented on it in a positive manner. Kurt not so much. I could sense his disdain for me with every compliment because no one ever said anything to him about it. Well Kurt I'm telling you now, I wouldn't have even thought to wear them if you didn't look so good in them. It's your fault for inspiring me.
Anyway I have steered away from the point I intended to make with this blog so let's get back on subject. On the 18th of this month I experienced a first for me. I had a gay date. Oh sure I have had awkwardly gay movie watching experiences, but never a full fledged date. Kurt was my victim this time around and as with most dates I have he didn't seem at all interested in me sexually so thank you Kurt for not taking me out of my element by being into me. We wound up getting some dinner and watching a stand up show by Doug Benson. Doug was really funny, as were Peter Greyy and Graham Elwood. I had a great time with Kurt, in fact as much as it sounds weird to say, our date was one of the best ones I have been on in awhile. And while neither of us are interested in each other in a way to make anything happen (what with me liking girls and Kurt liking attractive boys) it did teach me something about what I want in a significant other.
I want someone who gets me. I want someone who I have no problem sitting in complete silence with. I want someone who will laugh at my jokes, and say their own. I want someone who appreciates the lesser things in life like ridiculously high comics. I want someone I can be myself around without fear of judgement. I want someone who, despite that last thing, still inspires me to be a better person, not for them but for myself.
So thank you Kurt, for helping me find who I want. And for not being it.
ignore the two people in the middle, SOMEONE still hasn't uploaded the pictures from our date so this is the best I had.
Remember that thing about finding a song that speaks to you that I mentioned like a year ago? Well here's another one that I absolutely love. It's called "Hurts Me Soul" by Lupe Fiasco.
Now I ain't tryna be the greatest I used to hate hip-hop... yup, because the women degraded But Too $hort made me laugh, like a hypocrite I played it A hypocrite I stated, though I only recited half Omittin the word "bitch," cursin I wouldn't say it Me and dog couldn't relate, til a bitch I dated Forgive my favorite word for hers and hers alike But I learnt it from a song I heard and sorta liked Yeah, for the icin, glamorized drug dealin was appealin But the block club kept it from in front of our buildin Gangsta rap-based filmings became the buildin blocks For children with leakin ceilings catchin drippins with pots Coupled with compositions from Pac, Nas's "It Was Written" In the mix with my realities and feelings Living conditions, religion, ignorant wisdom and artistic vision I began to jot, tap the world and listen, it drop
My mom can't feed me, my boyfriend beats me I have sex for money, the hood don't love me The cops wanna kill me, this nonsense built me And I got noooo place to gooo They bomb my village, they call us killers Took me off they welfare, can't afford they health care My teacher won't teach me, my master beats me And it huuurts meee soooul
I had a ghetto boy bop, a Jay-Z boycott 'Cause he said that he never prayed to God, he prayed to Gotti I'm thinkin godly, God guard me from the ungodly But by my 30th watchin of "Streets is Watchin" I was back to givin props again and that was botherin By this uncomfortable as a untouchable touchin you The theme songs that niggas hustle to seem wrong but these songs was comin true And it was all becoming cool I found a condom on the ground that Johns would cum into and thought What constitutes a prostitute is the pursuit of profit then they drop it The homie in a suit pat her on the butt, then rock it It seems I was seein the same scene adopted Prevalent in different things with the witnesses indifferent to stop it They said don't knock it, mind ya business His business isn't mine and that nigga pimpin got it
They took my daughter, we ain't got no water I can't get hired, they cross on fire We all got suspended, I just got sentenced So I got noooo place to gooo They threw down my gang sign, I ain't got no hang time They talk about my sneakers, poisoned our leader My father ain't seen me, turn off my TV 'Cause it huuurts meee soooul
So through the Grim Reaper sickle sharpening Macintosh marketing Oil field augering Brazilian adolescent disarmament Israeli occupation Islamic martyrdom, precise Yeah, laser guided targeting Oil for food, water, and terrorist organization harborin Sand camouflage army men CCF sponsorin, world conquerin, telephone monitorin Louis Vuitton modelin, pornographic actress honorin String theory ponderin, bullimic vomitin Catholic priest fondlin, pre-emptive bombin and Osama and no bombin them They breakin in my car again, deforestation and overloggin and Hennessy and Hypnotic swallowin, hydroponic coughin and All the world's ills, sittin on chrome 24-inch wheels, like that
They say I'm infected, this is why I injected I had it aborted, we got deported My laptop got spyware, they say that I can't lie here But I got noooo place to gooo I can't stop eatin, my best friend's leavin My pastor touched me, I love this country I lost my earpiece, I hope y'all hear me 'Cause it huuurts meee soooul
This isn't the best video but it was the best one I could find.
Okay maybe I wasn't robbed but I do feel let down a bit.
This last weekend was a multi-stake talent show with performers from all 3 of the University wards and also some from Halls Lake. Part of me really likes talent shows because it's cheap entertainment and you get to see everyone go out and make a fool of themselves. The other part of me hates talent shows because the only people who actually participate in them are musicians. There are no poets, there are no chefs. There are just musician after musician after musician. Typically it is a guitar too, though you will see pianists and singers as well. I loved discussing this with my friend Jon in the weeks prior to the event if for no reason other than it led to this comment "I've thought about that, and I agree. That's why I'm playing my sax." I didn't have the heart to tell him that is also just another musical act.
I don't play an instrument though, and despite what a lot of people think I can not sing. My best talent is my ability to make people laugh. Many, many moons ago when I graduated from Seminary instead of having a graduate dinner we had a talent show. You weren't required to participate but as a senior and as someone who wanted to make Mormon friends since I was just coming back to the church I decided I was going to do stand up comedy for the talent show. I worked so hard on my act, far harder than any school work I did that entire year. I wrote it out on note cards and everything. When I got my act cleared by my seminary teacher he was nervous for me because he didn't think what he had read was funny and he didn't want me to make a fool of myself.
Thankfully my routine worked better on stage than it did on paper. I killed it. I don't think I could have been happier with the results if I tried. Well that is until last night.
I decided to resurrect the old act to break from the monotony of it all and to do something different. I had performed the act a couple times in between then and now and each time it had done very well, and my stage presence had grown. This was going to be a perfect performance. And i figured I was lucky and the fact that I was doing something fun and different people would notice and maybe I would win something.
And then I saw that I was going first.
First is horrible for something like this, and I will explain why. 1. The crowd is cold, and they have no idea what to expect. 2. This is a Mormon event so 45% of the audience is going to be coming late and won't see me perform. Those are missed votes. 3. I can not express this enough: NO ONE REMEMBERS THE OPENING ACTS. No one. Ever.
Needless to say I was pissed. Last minute I tried to come up with several things I could do to make myself stand out. I got myself entrance music (yes this entrance music) I tried to work in something about the strange thing that actually opened the show that the committee members put together, and then at the end of my bit I plugged voting and shilled like you wouldn't believe for people to vote for me during the intermission.
My actual set was flawless. every joke worked, everyone laughed. I even added a new joke that I had never performed. I probably should have moved some of the jokes around so I could end on a big laugh but I honestly can't think of anything I could have done to make it better.
And then everyone else went and I was forgotten.
In the end my friend Jon won, Bridgette and Sarah did an amazing job and came in second. I will not fault these acts as they were amazing and deserved everything that they received and then some. My fault is with the 3rd place winner.
They went last, and took up what seemed like forever. They did essentially 3 songs including a HORRIBLE rendition of Eruption. Their opening song was so horrible and lacked any level of stage presence. The closing song they did was pretty good I will give them that, but at the same time it also consisted of mostly 14-16 year olds aka people who shouldn't have been in the contest to begin with. But of course they went last and because their act was so long they were freshest in people's mind come voting time. It was just ridiculous how bad they actually were.
I wound up tying for 4th, which if you look at it in the right sense means I did well and I should be proud of my accomplishments. I am proud, I love that I was able to get up there and make people laugh. I am glad they appreciated my act, and I hope to get to do it again some day. I still wish I hadn't gone first, but there is nothing really one can do about that. I did my best, which is all I could hope for.
Well and that Kurt and his friends had at least stuck around for intermission and voted for me. Jerks cost me my win ;)
So today I had the privilege of giving a talk in church. I love giving talks if for no other reason than it gives me a chance to hear my own voice. Anyway I realized since it is Easter a lot of my friends wouldn't be able to see or hear my talk and I would hate to deprive them of such a chance. So here, in it's entirety is my talk. I have entitled it "Easter Talk" even though I don't talk about Easter at all. I was given the opportunity to talk about either Easter or something from conference last week and I thought it would be easier to write about a conference talk. Anyway here is my talk. Enjoy.
Easter talk
In a world full of complaints and grievances I actually have none. My life is pretty good. I have a roof over my head, yes a roof I share with 5 other men but they are 5 of the best roommates I could ever ask for. I have a job, and not only that but a job that I love. I have the respect of my coworkers and the love of my many friends. And speaking of those friends I have definitely been blessed with a core group of friends that I know will do everything within their power for me, including but not exclusive to late night rides when my bus is late, care packages when I am sick, or even just a late night chat when I can't sleep. Like I said my life is pretty good. However with all those things comes the fear that I could lose any one of those things at any moment. The economy is in the trash, people move, jobs can be lost. With these thoughts on my mind a lot I find myself doubting just how awesome my life is. I am sure some of you have these same fears, or even some legitimate feelings of depression and frustration with the way life is treating you. In times of doubt and despair it is even more important to turn to the Savior's reassuring love to ease our heavy hearts and lighten our load.
In last week's conference Elder Allan F. Packer gave a talk entitled "Finding strength in challenging times!" where he gives us several ways to develop our testimonies to aid us in these times of need.
the first way is to have a desire, as Alma said "Alma said, “For I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life". Much like when it comes to hearing the advice of your parents it is impossible to hear the still small voice of the holy ghost without having a desire to hear it. You cannot expect the lord to help if he does not feel you want his help. I spent many years of my adolescence refusing to listen to holy ghost simply because I chose to ignore it and to follow my own poorly thought out ideas as to what I should be doing.
Elder Packer's next suggestion is to do as Alma suggested and experiment on the word. Alma 32:28 reads "We will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.” to put that into simple terms: listen to the words of the spirit, do what it tells you to do. Once you see the good that comes from that it will become easier to trust the spirit and thus become easier to be happy.
Another suggestion from Elder Packer is to study and learn. Often I find that my mind and spirit become in-lined while I am studying my scriptures and pondering on what I am reading. As it is said in D&C 9:8 "But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right" study often allows us to apply what we are learning to our own lives and circumstances so that we might be able to know easier what it is we should be searching for and how to find them.
How do we recognize the spirit though is a completely different matter entirely. Occasionally you have heard it described as a still small voice or as a burning in the bosom. the truth is every one feels the spirit differently and the way I feel it in one situation might be different from another situation. I can say that despite all the grandiose terms people use to describe the manifestations of the spirit usually they are often very minuscule and small feelings. I remember the first time I read the book of Mormon all the way from cover to cover at the age of eight. I reached the end of Moroni and I read his challenge and decided I wanted to feel that burning in my bosom everyone was always talking about. I knelt down and said the humble prayer of an boy in search of answers. When I was done I was sad. I hadn't spontaneously combusted. In fact there was no fire at all. My mother noticed just how sad I was and sat me on her knee and asked what was wrong. In all my innocence I explained the situation and mom just laughed. Once she finished laughing at my naivety she asked me simply "Allen, do you feel good? Does your heart feel warm?" I nodded my head. "well that is that burning in the bosom they are talking about. It isn't a real fire, but the warm feeling of confirmation from the spirit" Suddenly I was happy knowing that I had received my revelation.
The final suggestion that Elder Packer gave us was to ask for a testimony of truth to open inspiration. While we don't all have the time to kneel and pray as the young eight year old me did in my little story sometimes it is just as simple as having a prayer in your mind that will open our train of thought and encourage the spirit to join us and aid us in our hard times.
in closing often times we find ourselves in hard times that can feel like there is no escape. I was once told this story by a near and dear friend of mine named Mudbone that I would like to share with you -
People talk about how these are hard times. These aren't hard times. Hard times was way back, didn't even have a name for it. Just called 'em hard times. And it was dark all the time. I think the sun came out on Wednesday. And if you didn't get up early you missed it. Well I just happened to be out there one Wednesday and the sun hit me right in the face. So I grabbed a bunch of it and rubbed it all over my face. Shoot I didn't have anything else to do, figured I might as well have some sunshine on my face. So time went on and I remember it was Thursday and I said to myself, because there was nobody else around, "Man that sun is harsh. That's why they don't want us to have any,cuz it'll cheer you up inside.
I have a testimony that while times may be tough it is always possible to find some sunshine in your life if you just open up your heart and mind to the lord and trust in him. I am not asking you to ignore your problems when life hands them to you, just remember to keep some sunshine on your face to remind yourself that there is still good in the world.
All my friends use Macs. I don't blame them. I thoroughly enjoy the sleek design of a mac. I like the feel of a mac. If I bought a laptop today I would greatly consider buying a macbook. I would still buy a windows based dell or Sony but I would secretly want a macbook.
I am and forever will be a PC. Not because of anything with the Apple product. Like I just said I love their product, every last douchtastic hipster "I'm better than you because my laptop is white" one of their products. I hate, hate HATE the Apple store.
The concept is great. An entire store dedicated to essentially 7 products and the accessories to said 7 products. The people who work there are completely inept and their customer service plan is full of so many issues that I simply can't allow myself to support it.
Let me tell you my story. I love my iPod. I love it so much that I wanted nicer headphones than the ones that came with it and decided I wanted nice $30 in ear earbuds. I find they block out more sound and allow me to avoid talking to crazy bus people easier than the traditional earbuds. This was 2 years ago. Over the course of ownership I have replaced these headphones due to malfunction twice. the first time was simple and easy and I didn't really have issue besides the absurdly long wait time. The last time was completely different.
The sound in the left speaker was cutting out and I also noticed there was exposed wire at the base of the headphone jack. I knew I was within the warranty on the last replaced pair of headphones so I decided to stop by the apple store on my way to work and simply swap them out like last time. I get there and I am immediately greeted by one of their 9,000 employees, let's call her Susan. Susan seems happy enough and I am plenty pleased to deal with her. I explain my situation to her, I even show her the CLEARLY broken headphones and explain I am still under warranty. This was her response.
"well we have to have that checked out by one of our technicians before we can do anything."
I am immediately wondering why Susan has a job if she clearly can't actually help me. I go along with it because for once there isn't a ton of people in their store and I even see a tech at the "genius bar"( pompous much jerkface?) just standing there. Susan goes over to her trusty computer and signs me into their concierge program and sees the earliest they can see me is at 2:50. It's 1:20. I have to be at work at 1:30. I once again just explain that I am on my way to work and I can't make a 2:50 appointment since I thought this was just going to be in and out (as it very much SHOULD BE) and I schedule my pointless tech appointment for 5:10 when my fellow closer gets there and I can take a break.
Here's my problem with this - if you work somewhere you should be able to help every customer regardless of their problem. PERIOD. Customers don't want to have to go to you and have you direct them to Steve who directs them to patty who takes them back to you who pawns them off on Carl who finally fixes your problem. They want to actually feel like you care about them and that YOU will fix things.
Anyway fast forward to 5:10. I go in and I b-line it to the genius bar. Because I made it through their first line of defense aka Susan NO ONE KNEW I NEEDED HELP AND THEY DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR FIVE MINUTES. Finally someone walks up to me, let's call her Mary. Mary asks if I am finding everything okay, and I let her know I have a 5:10 appointment about some headphones. She asks for my name and says okay well "Mike" is open let's take you over to see him. Pawned off once again. Mike sees my headphones, and has no idea what he is doing. he brings over Paco. Paco actually looks things up and does his job and tells me that I bought them in 2007 and that they are out of warranty. I then explain that I am fully aware that I bought them in 2007 but in 2008 they were replaced and these are the replacements and are still under warranty. He then looks and sees I am right. Now Paco tells me that apparently my headphones aren't carried in the store anymore and so they can't exchange them for me but they will order me some new ones which should be there by Monday at the earliest. Great. So I am stuck with broken headphones for 3 days, minimum.
Now my question is this: Why do I have only this option? Why am I stuck with broken headphones? Why can't I just find another pair of $30 headphones and swap them out? it's the same price. It's essentially the same thing. I tell you what, if someone comes in with a broken bobblehead that we no longer have, but they bought it within our return policy (60 days) I'm not only taking it back that day, I am letting them have whatever they want for the price of said broken bobblehead, and they can have it THAT DAY.
Whatever, I'm not going to buy new headphones when I can get free ones so I say whatever order them, just as long as they are covered by my warranty that is fine with me. I can live with homeless people in my left ear instead of the White Stripes. I'm not happy but I will since you really aren't leaving me with any options.
On my way out Susan recognizes me and says "Oh good you made it in." I wanted to punch her. In my head she deserved it.
My headphones came in yesterday and I wasn't at work so I went in and got them today. Once again I knew where I needed to go and I had no time for Susan because if she made me schedule another freaking appointment just to pick up my headphones I probably would have hung her with the ceiling with the old ones. ONCE AGAIN BECAUSE OF THIS I STOOD THERE LIKE AN IDIOT FOR 15 MINUTES. Only to have ultra hipster Sheila with her bright orange rebel hair finally talk to me. "Hi may I help you?" "Yeah my name is Allen I am here to pick up my replacement headphones that came in yesterday." this is an exact reenactment of what happened next.
Sheila - "Okay let's come over to my (douchy) computer here", click, click click isn't my computer awesome? It's so big and flashy and hip. "What's your name again?" Allen - Allen. A-L-L-E-N Brand B-R-A-N-D. Sheila - "Okay and it's some headphones right?" types in picking up replacement headphones. Allen - "yes" Sheila then clicks send and stands there. FOR 10 MORE MINUTES.
Apparently it isn't in Sheila's job description to leave the sales floor ever. Just once I want the power to go off in their stupid little store. I want them to have to do everything by hand. I mostly want this to happen because I am convinced a riot would erupt and every employee there would be trampled to death by Chuck taylors or whatever the new hipster shoe is. it shall be glorious.
Finally Sheila can sense my impatience and decided to actually do her job. She goes to the back. FOR 20 MINUTES LONGER. It took so long I had 3 other useless employees ask if I needed help or to tell me that they heard over the radio that Sheila was still looking.
Dear Apple store, it's called a hold box. Look into it.
finally Sheila emerges victorious. Finally I can leave this store! Oh but wait Sheila isn't done making my life a living hell. Oh no that would be far too generous of her. SHE HAD THE NERVE TO TRY AND CHARGE ME FOR THE HEADPHONES. Apparently the paperwork that the Apple Store had didn't mention anything about this being under warranty. thankfully I am anal retentive and a pack rat so I saved the order form from Friday where they wrote it down that I got them for free, and Sheila was kind enough to fix it but how does the order form not say free? I just don't get it.
So yeah, I'm a PC, not because I like PCs over a MAC but because I know I can walk into any tech store in the country and find what I need, and if I can't guess what? there is a knowledgeable and helpful staff to help me. So my advice to Apple store employees, step away from your hipster social symbol computer and think about your customer's needs and how YOU can actually help them.
So I have decided to make a list. A completely self serving and grandiose list all about myself. This is not like my last list two reasons: 1. it will be short, and 2. I will correctly use bullet points. Today's list is 10 things that make me happy that has nothing to do with other people. The rules are simple, I am to come up with ten things that make me legitimately happy that has absolutely nothing to do with other people. In theory this should be simple. Since this is all a freestyle thing here these are not in any order.
10. the Internet. I could get lost on the Internet for days on end, and I really do feel like I am often sucked into it's web (yes an overly used poorly crafted metaphor, sue me it's late and I lack creativity) but to have so much knowledge and power directly in my hands right along side countless dick jokes? It's like heaven I tell ya!
9. Baseball. Now I will admit I didn't grow up playing the game with my friends or even playing catch with my dad, but in recent years I have learned to greatly appreciate the game, even outside of the workplace. Sure I still don't know what all the stats mean and honestly I don't care, but nothing beats a good rally and the home team coming away with a win.
8. Cooking. The art of cooking and the mastery of it all is something that while I downplay it when I am cooking for myself is still something that can turn a bad day good. The look of a really nice produce section, or even better a farmer's Market can be absolute heaven on earth for me.
7. Shopping. I used to hate this as a kid, but then again which kids didn't hate it? Now I just go and walk around, lusting for clothes that don't fit or complaining about the ones that do. Interestingly enough even the complaining makes me happy. Which brings me to...
6. Complaining. I LOVE to complain. I realize that sounds weird, and that might not sound right to some but honestly there is very few things I get more pleasure from than complaining. Venting your frustrations with the world, or even just those patient enough to listen can be exhilarating and very relaxing. This is why you will often hear me whining about nothing at all simply because I want to be heard.
5. my phone. For the first 2 years of having a cell phone I had a crap phone. Sure it did what I needed it to do, call, text and update my twitter, but it wasn't anything special. I was content, and often cited the mantra of the cheap phone user : "Hey it was free". Then for this last Christmas everything changed. I received the G1 from t-mobile from my dad and stepmom and I realized exactly what I was missing out on. Not only do I never want to look back but I am actually looking into a lobotomy just so they can take out that part of my brain that stores the memories of that phone.
4. a clean room. Now if you actually LOOKED at my room you wouldn't actually believe this one but it's true, a good clean room always makes me happy. The trouble is I lack any and all motivation to keep it that way once it is clean. It usually lasts about a week or so before the laundry piles up or the bed doesn't get made. Still when I do clean my room I always feel like I accomplished the impossible. Maybe that's why it makes me so happy.
3. movies. Alright this one is an easy one and is a bit obvious but I want to talk about it more so I will. I don't know what spawned my love of movies but I do know that a lot of my happiest memories have come from watching movies. Even really horrible movies. In fact one story that I am going to share is the one time I was so in need of air conditioning without running up our heating bill (this was before a movie ticket cost your first born child) I went to go see the movie "the In Crowd" by myself. Now when I say by myself I don't mean I was the only one in my party, no I mean I was the only one in the theater. This was it's second week in the theater too it is that good of a "Wild Things" knock off. Happiest moment of the summer.
2. Greenlake, especially in the spring and/or fall. Oh how I love greenlake. It is so calming and Serene. Sure it gets really crowded and whatnot during the Summer but that is for obvious reasons, it's amazing. It reminds me of the Levies in Lewiston where my mom and I would always go feed the ducks when i was a kid growing up. Maybe that's why I like it so much. It's a shame I live so close to it but I don't think I have been there in months.
1. Laughter. Some would say that laughter is a byproduct of being happy and thus should be disqualified but I disagree, especially since this my list and I make the rules. A good hearty laugh can immediately change a gloomy depression filled day a complete 180 degrees. just one laugh. No matter how sad you are too. It really is amazing. for example I was gravely sick yesterday and my friend Kurt came by and dropped off some soup and Popsicles. In the little while he was there he made me laugh so much I was feeling better before he left. I was still sick but I had forgotten all about it. Thanks Kurt.
Anyway that's my list. Just for fun though let's see what my list would have looked like if I had made it so it wasn't all about me:
10. You. 9. hearing from you. 8. talking to you. 7. hearing your name. 6. knowing you are reading this. 5. that you don't think this about you. 4. or even better that you actually do even though it isn't. 3. that I just confused you. 2. Your kind heart. 1. You.
ignore the two people in the middle, SOMEONE still hasn't uploaded the pictures from our date so this is the best I had.
