My interesting Thanksgiving

Alright so everyone has their own Thanksgiving stories. Some are funny, some are sad, some are weird, some are pretty boring. I honestly am not sure where this one falls but I'm gonna share it anyway.

Alright so my thanksgiving story actually starts a couple months ago. I work out in Bellevue and since I don't have a car I ride the bus every single night. A couple months ago I actually started paying attention to my commute home instead of the usual listening to my far too loud ipod and falling asleep and I noticed something. Specifically I noticed that there was this cute well dressed blond girl who got off at the same stop I did and walked in the same direction of me afterward until I turned up Roosevelt for the 30 minutes walk home.

Naturally I exuded my usual level of confidence and started talking to her. Oh wait no I didn't. Instead I just kept walking and kept wanting to talk to her. And then a weird thing happened a couple weeks later, SHE started talking to me. Nothing beyond getting to know you stuff or talking about work but still she was talking to me.

Alright so fast forward about a month or so and it's now Halloween time and I'm trying to figure out how to make my John Belushi from Animal House costume work and turkey is the furthest thought from my mind, and she starts asking me about my Thanksgiving plans. Slightly distracted and confused why we are talking about this over a month in advance, I tell her that I won't be going home for Thanksgiving because I knew my luck and I figured I'd wind up working on Black Friday and a trip to the Tri-Cities would just be silly if it's just for less than a day. Then she did the unexpected - she invited me to her house for Thanksgiving. I'll be honest I REALLY wanted to say I couldn't. I mean we barely knew each other, why was she doing this? I didn't even know her last name, you would think that kind of information would be something you would want your holiday guests to know. However, it's October. I had no other plans yet (my step mom is notoriously last minute with inviting me and wouldn't get around to it until 2 days before Thanksgiving) and I didn't want to lie to this nice girl so I said yes.

The weeks went by and for the most part I didn't tell people about my plans, if for no other reason than I already knew the only two responses I would get. In the red corner of this discussion you have the people who think that clearly I will be spending my Thanksgiving making out profusely with this girl and she likes me and knew I am a coward so she took the first step to get with me. I didn't fall into this train of thought because of all the things about her from the months of talking I distinctly remember her mentioning a boyfriend once. I didn't remember her name half the time but I knew she had a boyfriend. Then we have the blue corner. These people thought she was going to kill me and bury me in the basement, or in the instance that she lacked a basement she was going to go cannibal on me and I was going to become thanksgiving dinner. I refused to believe this one too if for no other reason than she seemed too nice, and I'm far too fat to make for a delicious meal. I know fat is what makes it taste good but you're still gonna want a lower percentage of body fat if you're gonna eat someone. I just innocently enough thought she was being nice, thought I was funny and wanted people like that at her meal, especially if they aren't going to be spending the holiday with family.

The more I started talking to people about this though the more my mind started to wonder, mostly about the red corner's argument the blue corner is just silly. And honestly the more I thought about it the more I wanted out of this meal. However every single time I saw her she would remind me and make sure I was still planning on going. I was stuck and I figured I might as well have fun with this and enjoy myself the best I can.

She even gave me a small invitation. Nothing big, it was hand written on part of her schedule (alas not the part with her name on it, I checked as I was kinda getting tired of calling her Ann Taylor girl) but still it was a legit invite. I was obligated. On the invitation she said to bring something and the only thing I could think of were these delicious cheese biscuits my "mom" makes all the time. So I called her for the recipe. She laughed when I told her the story and then gave me what wound up being the easiest recipe ever. Bisquick, cheddar, water. I wound up making way too many of them and making them way too big. I forgot most people aren't like my family.

After I made my biscuits I threw them in a bowl and headed out to catch my bus. As is only natural for me I missed it by three minutes and started walking down Roosevelt carrying a giant bowl of biscuits. With my luck I wound up walking past at least 3 homeless people. I regret not giving them one but I was in a hurry and I wasn't sure if I was going to have enough. Or at least that's how I justified it in my head. I still should have given them one.

Dinner was at 4:00, so I left at 3:30 and magically even though I was walking I made it on time. Not even a minute late. I was impressed. Though my biscuits which I had purposely waited until the last minute to make so they would be warm were now quite cold, and not nearly as good. There was a total of 7 people including me there including Ann Taylor girl (her name is Britney but it's a habit) and her boyfriend. So it was clear early that the red corner was wrong. My eyes immediately started to dart around the room looking for the turkey to make sure the blue corner was wrong as well. Unfortunately it was in the crowded kitchen so it took me a few nervous moments to discover Ann Taylor Girl's boyfriend Alex carving the bird. Needless to say I was relieved but then I realized he had sharp instruments that could be used to inspire death and I remembered what my boss told me "If my girlfriend invited some strange guy she met on the bus to Thanksgiving dinner I'd be pissed. I'd probably stab the guy." I spent the rest of the premeal enjoying the room far away from the boyfriend with the knives.

Thankfully Alex, and the rest of the people there (I'd use their names but I really feel bad for the roommate and her boyfriend who's names I forgot. Maybe I do care a lot less to remember girls when there isn't a chance they are into me.) were really cool and seemed glad that I was there. We ate a lot of food, they talked a lot about people I had no idea who they were, I sat silently laughing when everyone else did and interjecting some to the conversation when it seemed to fit. Thankfully it seemed all of the guys did this.

I wound up with two delicious plates of food, and a helping of both desserts. Traditionally I keep myself as a just a pie guy for Thanksgiving. I mean you don't get pie every day. In fact I feel lucky when I get pie. Meanwhile most other desserts are available year round, for some reason I think this makes pie more valuable where the only time it's popular to have a pie is Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a couple days in the summer. Oh sure you CAN have it whenever but socially you're not going to bring a pie to say your St. Patrick's day company party. Anyway they had one pecan pie and then a rather laboriously crafted trifold. So Laboriously crafted in fact that it deserves it's own paragraph of story.

So one of the roommates, Karen, has a gluten issue. And by issue I mean she can't have any. So in her quest for the perfect gluten free stuffing recipe I guess she found a great gluten free brownie recipe for dessert since she also unfortunately can't have pie. When she made them they came out too soft and moist and fell apart on her. The frustration with the lack of perfection caused her to break down into tears while I was up getting my seconds. Everyone assured her that it would be okay and they could salvage it and it would be delicious. After about 30 minutes of calming her down and finishing eating it was decided that the brownies could be salvaged by making them into a trifold. One layer brownie, one layer whipped cream, one layer chocolate sauce and so on and so forth until it was complete. there was talk of adding more things to it but it was decided that simpler was better. Now while the whole thing didn't come together exactly as it should Karen was happy and this potential disaster was adverted and turned out really delicious.

After dinner and desert we spent plenty of time just lounging around trying to decide between playing a game or watching a movie. Movie won out simply because it involved less work. Originally they were going to watch episodes of Entourage but my immense hatred of that show and the Thanksgiving miracle I was praying for saved me from that disaster and we wound up watching The Incredibles and so many commercials for Desperaux that I thought we watched that one too. Seriously it was ridiculous. After The Incredibles there was an episode of the Office that Karen DEMANDED we watch even though it was a repeat and she was the only one interested in watching it. I know this is sacrilegious for me to say in my circle of friends but I don't watch the Office. I think I have seen 3 total episodes and quite honestly I fell asleep during the first 2 so I'm not sure they count. However this one was actually kinda funny and though I am still not a huge fan of the awkwardness of the show which near as I can tell is it's bread and butter, I did enjoy myself. Maybe it will grow on me but honestly if I'm not hooked right away I find it hard to get excited for a show.

By the time The Office was over it was getting late and everyone was going to bed. So at about 11:30 I left, and of course I missed my bus and got to walk home carrying my bowl of left over rolls and some leftovers. This time there were no homeless people for me to give my food to, but i swear I would have.

All in all what could have been a really REALLY awkward experience turned out to be a lot of fun where I made a lot of new friends. I'd like to thank Ann Taylor Girl (Face it you Brit, I know you have a name but you'll always be this to me) for making all this happen, and I'd also like to thank Alex, Karen, Vicki, Amy, and Vicki's boyfriend (I REALLY hate that you're the only one who's name I have forgotten) for being so nice and cordial to me and letting me feel comfortable when you could have excluded me and made me feel weird. You guys are the best and I hope I will be allowed to hang out with you guys again sometime soon.


Anonymous said...

Looks like it worked out pretty well for you!

Great writing Allen.


Kate said...

You are such a great writer!
First....you had a very eventful thanksgiving! I honestly wish I had something to say about mine!! lol.

Second....as a huge fanatic of the office (I probably need help) Watch the Dundee episode in season 1 or two (okay I must not be the huge fan I thought I was) And you WILL be hooked....funniest episode :)

Thanks for sharing your funny,sad, happy story...I definatly got a laugh!

Aimee said...

I believe the term you meant to use was "trifle" instead of "trifold". Trifle is stuff of the gods. I make a pretty good roasted pear/pomegranate/custard trifle. YUM.

Glad everything turned out well and you didn't get eaten. :) Sorry I couldn't give you a ride on Thursday. I'd *just* gotten the water boiling and was in the middle of constructing the baked brie and really could not leave the kitchen.

Mallory said...

I like reading your stories...but honestly I like hearing them better nothing beats hearing it random inserted comments and a few good Allen laughs =) glad you had a good Gobble Day!