Validation

I think we can all agree that in this world we always need to be validated for what we decide to do.  I am no different at all in that quest.  There was a time when I would walk around high school with signs on my chest that would say funny things just to make friends and get people's attention and approval.  It worked and I had more friends than I could have possibly have needed for those three years.  Once high school was over I couldn't really make a spectacle of myself for the validation I craved.  Instead I went to work at Blockbuster Video and let my vast movie knowledge and endearing personality validate my existence and earn praise.  Again it worked and I spent a year and a half happily living this life.

As time goes on we have less and less opportunities to be validated for the things we do and we have to depend on silly things like confidence and self esteem to build our sense of personal worth.  Now at the age of thirty I work at a thankless job that I absolutely love that I am AMAZING at.  I have wonderful friends that put up with my neurotic behavior.  I find that more and more I live to make people laugh.  That simple sound is validation enough for me to keep me going through this life that I have chosen.  Make no mistakes I know I chose this life and this is not meant to be construed as whining but rather just explaining why I am happy with this life that some people would find lackluster and empty.  It is because of all of your laughter and smiles.

This last weekend I had the pleasure of attending Bumbershoot here in Seattle.  I go every year mostly because of the stand-up comedy that they have there and this year was no different (though Weezer, Bob Dylan and the Thermals also came into my decision).  I was most excited to see one of my favorite shows from Bumbershoot past come back - Greg Behrendt's Bring the Rock.  This show is not like a regular stand up show in that the comedians involved don't really tell jokes.  Instead they tell stories from their lives that involve music in some way, then from those stories the house band The Electrick Snowflake plays a song related to the story to help it come full circle.  It may not read like much on paper/screen/shut your face but I can promise you that the show is amazing.  Six years ago Greg brought the show to Bumbershoot before the release of his book and a trip to Chicago for Oprah and I fell in love real quick.  It is hard to not fall in love with a Nina Gordon acoustic version of  N.W.A's "Straight Out of Compton".

For reference this is what Nina Gordon looks like.  N.W.A. is like the EXACT opposite of this.

Since then I have been following Greg's career and have developed an Internet friendship of sorts with the man and his family (if you see me wearing an odd looking pair of fingerless gloves his sister made them for me and I love them.) We have been friends on both myspace, facebook and he even followed me on my original @allenbrand twitter account (he has yet to follow me on my replacement @theallenbrand account though).  When I found out he was coming again this year it became my quest to meet the man again and maybe get my copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" signed (yes I own that book, yes I have read it and shut your stupid judgmental face).  Well this plan it turns out took all of about 40 minutes on the Bumbershoot grounds.  I picked up my comedy pass for Greg's show and decided to stop by the venue to try and get into the early show there, a recording of Jimmy Pardo's Never Not Funny podcast and say hello to my old friend Devo that works there every year.

The original plan was to try and pull strings with Devo to get into all of his shows so I could hang out in the lobby and wait to meet him and get a picture with him.  After exchanging pleasantries with Devo I mention that I was coming back for the Bring the Rock show, I notice the door to the venue that I am haphazardly blocking is opening.  I turn my head while stepping to the side so whomever it is that is coming out can get by (because I am courteous like that and I want this blog post to longer somehow so I need to add these small details) I immediately recognize Greg.  I am a little taken back that meeting him was so easy, but I just start small talking with him about how I am going to see his show later.  He then asks me if he has met me before at Bumbershoot and I mention that we met six years ago when he first brought BTR to Bumbershoot before the book came out, then I mention buying the punk mittens from his sister and he immediately stops me and says "wait are you Allen?"  he actually knew who I was from facebook and twitter.  It was like we had suddenly gone from fan and performer to old friends.  I asked about his sister a bit and he said she was doing better, and I said I was glad because I'm not a jerk like that.  Then he asks me if I am going to be here all weekend, and I said yeah (I was originally not planning on going on Monday but after meeting him I really couldn't not go Monday now) and he asked if I was going to check out his show, I said I was going to try but getting comedy passes is a rather annoying process so I might miss out.  I then jokingly said that if he told them I was with him I could definitely get in though.  Without hesitation he turned to Devo and said "Okay, he's with me.  Take good care of him."  And with that I was set.  I didn't need to wait in line, I didn't need anything but to show up and see the show.

After his first show I didn't want to bother him so I quickly left the theater with the rest of the audience that had been sufficiently rocked (so much so the guy next to me decided to go see all three shows when he was originally only going to the first one).  That night I came home and received a friend request from Greg on Facebook (we were originally friends but about two weeks ago he deleted his personal account because so many fans were sending him Farmville requests and he was tired of it, He started a new one shortly their after for just his close friends).  Along with the friend request was a message telling me that he could put me on a list as a guest in the morning if I wanted to.  I thanked him for the thought and then went fanboy on him about a post he put on his website about a week ago.

On Sunday I was with my friend Cassie and I partially wanted to show off that Greg knew me, and I also wanted to thank him again for everything and tell him how amazing the show was so after the show we kind of hung out after the show a bit on the stage when Greg saw me and immediately came over and gave me a big hug and said "Thanks for coming.  It was good to see you out in the front."  Again it was like we were long lost friends.  I introduced him to Cassie and he asked if we were going to see Weezer and Hole later in the evening.  We told him we were definitely seeing Weezer but that we didn't have any interest in watching Courtney Love mumble through her songs doing a poor man's Bob Dylan impression.  And like that we were off again.

Monday was the last day of the Festival and so I made sure to remember to bring my book and a pen.  I hated that I was going fanboy on him so much at this point but I have been trying to get this book signed for the better part of the six years I have owned it and damned if I was going to let that stop me now.  After his last show of the festival he was signing other autographs and being the general nice guy that he is and he sees me and again gives me a hug and says "Hey man!".  I tell him great show again and ask him to sign my book.

And then it happens.

Greg - "Hey man do you do stand-up?"
Me (kind of taken back) - "I don't actually.  I wanted to do it when I was younger but I decided that I wanted to raise a family and life on the road isn't really typical of that."
Greg - "Yeah I understand that.  You're really funny."
Me (REALLY taken back) - "Thanks man that really means a lot."
Greg - "Yeah your tweets are really funny.  Be sure to hit me up next time I am in town."
Me (searching for the only words I could think of) - "absolutely"

Then Greg handed me back my book shook my hand and then I was off dazed and amazed.  Greg thought I was funny.  A man that gets paid regularly to be funny thinks I am funny.  It is widely said that the greatest compliment a comedian can receive is having another comic say you are funny because they are traditionally a rather fickle bunch and one of my absolute favorites just said that I was funny.  Suddenly the little joke on my facebook page "I am funnier than you think I am" became true because of his validation.  I.AM.FUNNY.

I left the Charlotte Martin Theater in a blur.  I don't remember leaving the theater.  All I can remember is wandering around lost mumbling that he thought I was funny while crying in the middle of Seattle Center desperately searching for someone to tell.  I found my friend Elisa.  I found Kaylene.  I found Laird.  I found Jen.  I found my phone and told Twitter and Facebook in vague terms.  And now I am telling you.

Thank you Greg for saying something that might have seemed normal conversation to you.  There is no way for me to properly convey how much this very simple and honest conversation meant to me.  I won't say the cliche that this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, because I do understand the mundane nature that this exchange could have to everyone reading this.  I will however say that this was just the shot in the arm that I needed this weekend.

Thank you Greg.

This would be the place where I would put the picture that I took of Greg and I after his last show at Bumbershoot, but wouldn't you know it I forgot to take said picture.  But that is okay because this memory is even better.  Also here is a video of Greg performing at BTR this weekend that I took nevermind I had to take my videos down. Boo.

New blog

Alright so I have once again entered one of my many phases where I need another blog. Once again it is a movie blog because - hey why not? I will essentially use this blog as an online catalog of my movie collection where I will write reviews of all the movies that I own.

Now I know exactly what you are thinking "Allen, if you own these movies that means you spent money on them and therefor you had to like them and so aren't reviews kind of pointless?" To which I say, shut your face. Clearly you forget that I own Alvin and the chipmunks, Alex & Emma, Blankman. No one likes those movies.

In a way this is a continuation of my resolution last year, except I don't have a deadline for watching them, and I don't have a particular order for them to go in, and the reviews will be longer and singularly reviewed instead of large groups of movies like I did with my resolution write-ups I stopped caring about after the letter F.

Anyway feel free to stop by Allen's Movie Stash and find out what I am watching this week.

One Month Later

Wow have I really not updated in a month? Well here is an update for you to tide you over for another month.

A lot has happened to me since I last blogged. I wet to San Francisco and got sunburned for the first time in years (not because I have magical luck that prevents me from getting burnt but rather because life as a shut-in doesn't allow for much sunlight.) I also moved out of my parents house once again, and this time for good. With that move I have also found myself in a new ward for the first time since 2005 and it is more than a little troublesome right now. I have been to baseball games and concerts. I have attempted to eat my weight in ice cream. And I have discovered what I am going to talk about with you today.

Ramenbox.

Now as the name so obviously states this is a box of ramen that you get delivered to your house for a nominal fee. But really it is so much more. As a youngish single man who can cook but refuses to cook for himself ramen has always been a mainstay in my diet. It's cheap, easy, and comes in single serving packages what is not to love (aside from the over abundance of sodium of course)? The problem with Top Ramen, the standard easily recognizable brand of Ramen that eleven times out of ten is the first thing you think of when you say ramen, is that the flavors are bland and the meal itself is lifeless. There is no real substance to the dish unless you add your own stuff.

If someone could explain to me what "Oriental" flavor is supposed to be besides racist I would love to know.

Ramenbox meanwhile completely ignores the Top Ramen Americanized version of the dish in favor of a heartier variety of asian imported ramen brands and flavors. Each brand is different and unique compared to the last. You can still add your favorite veggies or meats to your meal but there is no real need to thanks to the thicker noodles and the additional flavor packets within each package. You can get cups, bowls, larger packages with multiple servings, or the traditional single serving packages. They have quite literally everything. You can choose between two different sizes of ramenboxes the standard with 20 "slots" or the large with 40 "slots" and each package is worth 1,2, or 3 slots. I opted for the large box and tried to get a little bit of everything and as a result I got something that looked a little like this:

It was so much delicious that I didn't know where to start. But start I did. Every package that I have eaten so far has been amazing and unique. The one thing that I have noticed is that with my old cheap ramen I would find myself cooking two packages at a time to tide me over. Not with this though. No I have barely put a dent in my ramenbox because quite simply I haven't needed to. One package and I am good to go for pretty much the rest of the day, and for a guy my size with my appetite that is an INCREDIBLE thing. I have already decided that once this box gets low I am going to order it again because I am that in love with this service.

I still don't think I will ever get to the point where I will make ramen for a date, but now it isn't because I am embarrassed to purchase it, but rather I don't want to share.

I gave a talk

So three weeks ago I was asked to give a talk. I couldn't do it that week because Carl convinced me to go to a YSA conference in Everett. However I decided to mention that I could talk this week instead. CJ agreed and gave me my topic - D&C 10:5. And I was off. This is what I came up with. Let me know what you think. I think it's slightly genius but then again I am slightly biased.


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I have always wanted to be a superhero. Some of that comes from the cool clothes, the idea of a secret identity, and that they always get the girl. The main draw though was always their super powers. Flight, speed, talking to fish, razor sharp claws, the ability to heal, x ray vision. the list of cool super powers can go on forever. The one super power that all the heroes seem to have though is, unless they are possessed by an alien symbiotic creature they seem impervious to temptation. There is nothing that can be said or done to these heroes that will sway them from their code of ethics.

Man, on the other hand, no matter how strong-willed is always open for temptation. Everywhere you turn there is something new tempting you into sin. I could waste your time and mine by listing all the ways we have to sin, but instead I would rather focus on some of the ways that we can resist temptation, primarily with prayer.

In Doctrine and Covenants 10 verse 5 we are commanded to pray always that we may conquer Satan. Which sounds a lot easier than it really is. We can become distracted by the business of our every day life, a pressing deadline at work, or even the shock and awe that the Sun is actually out in Seattle that we must absolutely go play in it right this very second. However it is important to realize that it is in those stressful moments in our lives that we need to pray the most. Spencer W. Kimball said "When I used to travel throughout the stakes and missions of the Church in earlier years, I often met people who were in trouble or who had great need. My first question to them was, “What about your prayers? How often? How deeply involved are you when you pray?” I have observed that sin generally comes when communication lines are down. For this reason the Lord said to the Prophet Joseph Smith, “What I say unto one I say unto all; pray always lest that wicked one have power in you.”

So very often we are faced with serious challenges in our lives, and we will quickly turn to parents, coworkers, or our closest friends for advice to help us through our dilemma. This isn't necessarily the wrong thing to do, but my question is why is it that we choose to turn to our Heavenly Father for guidance and directions like we do our real fathers? Perhaps we feel that our issues are too small to waste God's time with. There are other people who need their answers more than I do. I can handle this on my own. As we all know this is the work of Satan. We are all equal in the eyes of the lord, and so are all of our problems. There is no DMVesque queue where he takes the more important and pressing needs first. He loves all of us and he wants to help us find our way back to him. If we simply turn to him in our time of need he will guide us to the solutions.

In 2003 Russell M. Nelson relayed the following story about one of his experiences with prayer.

Many of us have had experiences with the sweet power of prayer. One of mine was shared with a stake patriarch from southern Utah. I first met him in my medical office more than 40 years ago, during the early pioneering days of surgery of the heart. This saintly soul suffered much because of a failing heart. He pleaded for help, thinking that his condition resulted from a damaged but repairable valve in his heart.

Extensive evaluation revealed that he had two faulty valves. While one could be helped surgically, the other could not. Thus, an operation was not advised. He received this news with deep disappointment.

Subsequent visits ended with the same advice. Finally, in desperation, he spoke to me with considerable emotion: “Dr. Nelson, I have prayed for help and have been directed to you. The Lord will not reveal to me how to repair that second valve, but He can reveal it to you. Your mind is so prepared. If you will operate upon me, the Lord will make it known to you what to do. Please perform the operation that I need, and pray for the help that you need.” 21

His great faith had a profound effect upon me. How could I turn him away again? Following a fervent prayer together, I agreed to try. In preparing for that fateful day, I prayed over and over again, but still did not know what to do for his leaking tricuspid valve. Even as the operation commenced, 22 my assistant asked, “What are you going to do for that?”

I said, “I do not know.”

We began the operation. After relieving the obstruction of the first valve, 23 we exposed the second valve. We found it to be intact but so badly dilated that it could no longer function as it should. While examining this valve, a message was distinctly impressed upon my mind: Reduce the circumference of the ring. I announced that message to my assistant. “The valve tissue will be sufficient if we can effectively reduce the ring toward its normal size.”

But how? We could not apply a belt as one would use to tighten the waist of oversized trousers. We could not squeeze with a strap as one would cinch a saddle on a horse. Then a picture came vividly to my mind, showing how stitches could be placed—to make a pleat here and a tuck there—to accomplish the desired objective. I still remember that mental image—complete with dotted lines where sutures should be placed. The repair was completed as diagrammed in my mind. We tested the valve and found the leak to be reduced remarkably. My assistant said, “It’s a miracle.”

I responded, “It’s an answer to prayer.”

The patient’s recovery was rapid and his relief gratifying. Not only was he helped in a marvelous way, but surgical help for other people with similar problems had become a possibility. I take no credit. Praise goes to this faithful patriarch and to God, who answered our prayers. This faithful man lived for many more years and has since gone to his eternal glory.

Now just because we are all on a level playing field when it comes to having the Lord's desire to listen to our prayers, this doesn't mean that we don't need to strive to build a stronger level of communication with our heavenly Father. If we cannot completely convey our situation to the Lord there is no way for him to be able to accurately know what we need to fix it.

In 1990 Ezra Taft Benson gave 5 ways we can improve our communication with the Lord.

1. We should pray frequently. This one works in a couple different ways. For one, how likely are you to help a friend that you talk to on a daily basis when they come to you in a time of need? Now how likely are you to help a friend you haven't seen in 15 years and won't tell you the whole story behind their dilemma so you can understand it properly? It is the same way with the lord. The more he knows of you and your intentions the more he will know that if he gives you aide you won't just turn around and return to the behaviors that got you in trouble in the first place.

2. We should find an appropriate place where we can meditate and pray. if you are praying in a place full of distractions, it is very likely that you aren't as interested in what you are saying and you are more likely to rush through your prayer to go out and enjoy those distractions. Instead try and find a nice quiet room away from everything and everyone. That way you can dedicate all of your attention to your conversation with the lord.

3. We should prepare ourselves for prayer. When entering into a conversation with a superior about an issue that is important to you it is fundamentally important to know your talking points. Recently I had a job interview to become the Store Manager of my store. I spent almost a week preparing myself for this conversation so that I could best convey why I felt I was the best option for the position. If I didn't believe I was best for the position, neither would my boss. It is the same way with prayer. If you don't know why you are praying then neither will God. Meanwhile if you know exactly what you are asking for it will help the lord know what is best for you.

4. Our prayers should be meaningful and pertinent. As much fun as everyone can say small talk is, there is very little room for it in our prayers. Let's put it this way, if you were to sit down with the President would you waste his time with standard getting to know you questions? I most certainly wouldn't. His time is valuable and as someone who has seen a lot of the West Wing, he is a busy man and he has much better things to do than tell you how his day is going. It is the same way with the Lord. He wants the meat, or meat-like substitute, of the conversation sandwich. That is not to say that he doesn't want to hear about our day, but rather that he wants to hear about the important stuff more. This is why repetitive and memorized prayers are a waste of time. He heard you the first time. Eventually if you don't say anything new or pertinent to the conversation, it will tend to end before it actually ends and you are left talking to yourself.

5. After making a request through prayer we have a responsibility to assist in it being granted. it is like dale Carnegie said "If you want to conquer fear, don't sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy." Once we ask for help we absolutely cannot sit and wait for the answer. If I were to pray for a new job I can not possibly get that job unless I go out and apply for many, many, many jobs. No one is going to come to my door and say "Hey I would like to give you a job complete stranger. I pay $45,000 a year and you only have to work 3 hours a weekday." It just doesn't work that way. As Spencer W. Kimball once said "It is such a privilege and joy to pray to our Father in Heaven, such a blessing for us. But our experience is not finished after our prayer is completed. Amulek correctly taught: “And now behold, my beloved brethren, … after ye have [prayed], if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith.” (Alma 34:28.) We must never forget that we are to live the gospel as honestly and earnestly as we pray."

In two weeks...

I will be here -


With her -


And aside from this -


I have no idea what we are going to do, but I am sure it will be fun and exciting.

Goodbye

There are friendships in my life that tend to go on for too long. Either I get tired of them, or they get tired of me, but they should have ended long before they actually do.

Then there are friendships in my life that never seem to end, but they change and evolve into less of a friendship and more of a acquaintanceship and then into "Oh yeah I know that guy/girl, I wonder if they remember me."

Other friendships grow and evolve from that one random kid that you kinda know, into the closest friendship one can have without becoming lovers. You know each others thoughts and needs. When you need a shoulder they are there with two. When you want a laugh they will give you more than your share. When you need your space, they flat out refuse. It's the type of friendship that you cherish for a lifetime. It changes your entire life, but you don't really recognize it until it's gone.

Today I lost a friend of four years to a bright future doing something that he has known his entire life that he has wanted to do but only recently decided to pursue. The selfish part of me wants to sneak over to his house tonight and slash his tires. However the logical side of me knows that isn't going to stop him. There is part of my mind that really hopes he changes his mind and decides that the safe and easy route is the better one for him to take. Again, I know him too well. If he wanted safe he wouldn't have traveled the road he's taken to get to this point in his life so why would he stop now?

I know how this story ends, and it isn't good for me, but I am getting better. Kurt will go on to do many great things and change many, many lives. It's in his blood, and it's in his heart. And I am proud of him for all the decisions that he has made.

In all honesty I don't know if I will see him again, I wish I could be as steadfast as he is when he says he's coming back, but as I learned with Dean even when they come back they don't really come back the same. However I do know that through the many memories I have with Kurt from these last four years will live with me forever and the lessons he has taught me will continue to teach me throughout the rest of my life.

Thank you Kurt. And I love you.

Unposted postings

I haven't updated this blog in a month at least and really I have no excuse for it. I have done plenty of things. I have had plenty of interesting (to me) thoughts that I needed to write down. I even have yet another Birthday coming up that I definitely have had on my mind a lot lately. I have written about those things, but I get distracted half way through and I save them for later never to be seen again. Sorry about that. I do plan on going back and finishing them up so you can see them it just takes awhile so I can figure out the point I was trying to make with that post or just what I wanted to say in general. This is just to let you know that I haven't died and that I do plan on updating eventually.

One day.