After exhaustive research I have finally discovered why women are so completely insane. It turns out their minds are constantly trying to decipher every word and action that men such as I make. And of course as opposed to taking the logical and responsible thought pattern as to what a man is saying they twist it into some malfunctioning rude statement or a blatant attack on their person. Now before you misconstrue this as me being bitter and angry because a girl hurt me recently. I can assure you that that is far from the truth. No instead this morning while I was at work waiting to clock on thanks to MSN I stumbled upon a Cosmo test on "50 guy phrases translated". Now I'm a guy so I figured it would be good for a laugh and that I would see some sort of honest article to show to women that while occasionally we don't say what we mean, by and large we aren't some slimy jealous jerk who only wants to have sex with you and will say anything to accomplish that feat.
Holy crap was I wrong. First they only give 3 possible answers to the questions, and I'd say 75% of the time they are all snarky, horrible, and absolutely not what I mean when I say something. For example when I say "I like your shoes" that is not me trying to get out of trouble by saying something nice that I don't mean. No it means I like your shoes. THAT WASN'T EVEN A POSSIBLE ANSWER.
Seriously though women I have to know, do you actually think this way? Because I'll be honest I don't think most men are like that. Yes some of us are I will admit that. Some of us are so full of ourselves that we can't actually carry a conversation without it being about us and we will say anything to get out of an argument even "I like your shoes". However that's a minority. There are nice, honest, sincere, kind, loving, good men out there*. Stop trying to analyze what we are saying to find the base of our character, try our actions. Those are much more telling as to what we mean than what any ridiculous quiz will tell you.
*they're called homosexuals.