I was clearly the wrong person to ask to do this

In a follow up on my last post about writer's block I thought I would share with all of you what I wrote. This was all featured in today's ward newsletter.

Alright so I really don't know what I can tell you that you haven't heard already in regards to dating. I mean we've all been in a singles ward long enough to have heard all the boring cliches (yes even you freshmen). Be patient, go on dates, respect each other, be friendly, blah, blah blah, etc. etc. etc. It's a bored and tired record that I know I am sick of having spouted to me week in and week out. However I do have a few thoughts on the matter that I am going to share with you, feel free to ignore this and fold it into a paper airplane if you don't want to listen.

Ladies: No one wants to hear you complain about how no one asks you on dates. No matter how true it may be, chances are you really just mean that boy you like isn't asking you on a date. Perhaps instead of whining about it you should be proactive about it. Men aren't mind readers, we need you to tell us what you want. Maybe not as blatant as "you should ask me out for this weekend." but flirting is essential. And by flirting I don't mean hard to get flirting because hard to get just means high maintenance to most men.

Men: Stop being so shallow. I really can't say that enough. There are so many women in our ward that deserve to be asked out on dates that simply aren't because of some stupid juvenile thoughts on beauty. Looks will fade. She will put on a few extra pounds. It's her personality and soul that will stay through the ages and eternity.

Ladies: Remember your worth. If a man isn't treating you up to your worth he isn't worth your time or energy. You're amazing, always remember that. Don't stress about that one boy who isn't showing the affection you want, and deserve. He's an idiot who is missing out on you. You just need to go out there and live your life and be happy. Don't waste your pretty on jerks.

Men: You have a cell phone - use it. Email, Facebook, and texting has made us lazy. If you want to show a woman you are serious about spending time with her call her. It will mean a lot more than writing on her wall ever could. If you don't have her phone number, the next time you see her just ask. I'm sure she will be willing to give it to you.

Ladies: If a guy asks you on a date for the first time, say yes. No he may not be that dreamboat you've been eying in Sunday School, but it took a lot for this other fella to ask you out and you never really know just how much fun you could be having until you actually go out.

Men: If a woman declines your invitation for a date, and you aren't sure if she is blowing you off or not apply what I call the "Brad Pitt Rule". If Brad Pitt had asked her on a date would she have turned him down? No. She would have moved heaven and earth to make that happen. Now while you are not Mr. Pitt, if a woman is into you she would drop anything to go out with you. ANYTHING. Obviously there are exceptions and plans that cannot be moved, but if she is into you she will suggest another time for the date. If she doesn't do that, well you've been shut out and there is nothing you can do about it. But don’t worry, she probably isn’t as cool as you thought she was since she doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another lady who will.*

Alright there you have it a few simple tips and unsolicited advice on how to date. I do have one more bit of advice for you ladies and gentlemen though if you haven't quite tired of this shtick yet: Just go out on dates. I figure the sooner all of us are married the sooner we can stop being the guilted and start laying on the guilt trips instead.

*The Brad Pitt rule was blatantly stolen from one of my favorite blogs "The Art of Manliness". The whole post can be read here


Lisa said...

I like the post. Just a word of warning though... the pestering and guilt trips almost never end. Once you start dating, it's "When are you going to get married?" And then after marriage - "When are you going to have a baby?" I'm not sure what comes after that, but I'm positive there will be something. There's always something...

Dericho said...

Allen, clearly you were the best person to ask to write this. You were honest, funny, and said what needed to be said. Good job.

Jennifer Newell said...

Aw, Allen. I think this was great. You are actually a great person to be writing this and it is inspiring me to write my own sort of post. I dunno, sometimes, though -- dating, bleh. I don't know if I want to date or not anymore. Sometimes dating isn't even the solution to stuff like this, I guess. That's just how I feel.

But I think this was wonderful, and I will share it :)

amera hearts said...

so for reals yo. i never felt old until i moved to utah and everyone dates like crazy here. it's exhausting. and they are always talking about getting married i'm like, get over it. i plan to be single forever, or until i meet someone that doesn't annoy me after 3 dates.

one thing i do not agree with is the part where you say the girl should say yes if the guy asks her out for the first time. sometimes you know that it would never work out. why waste any one's time? i can tell within one conversation with someone if i will ever date them or not. if the guy was put in the no box, then i'm gonna say no, but nicely. or change the date into a hang out time or something. not a date though.

Kristin said...

after the "when are you going to have a baby?" question comes, "are you planning on having anymore?" and then when you're done with the baby train, it's just tons of TALKING about your babies with everyone and anyone (even if they don't WANT to hear about your stinkin' kids for the 50th time) and itj ust continues and continues... until you die. :)

pleasant, right?