I gave a talk

So three weeks ago I was asked to give a talk. I couldn't do it that week because Carl convinced me to go to a YSA conference in Everett. However I decided to mention that I could talk this week instead. CJ agreed and gave me my topic - D&C 10:5. And I was off. This is what I came up with. Let me know what you think. I think it's slightly genius but then again I am slightly biased.


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I have always wanted to be a superhero. Some of that comes from the cool clothes, the idea of a secret identity, and that they always get the girl. The main draw though was always their super powers. Flight, speed, talking to fish, razor sharp claws, the ability to heal, x ray vision. the list of cool super powers can go on forever. The one super power that all the heroes seem to have though is, unless they are possessed by an alien symbiotic creature they seem impervious to temptation. There is nothing that can be said or done to these heroes that will sway them from their code of ethics.

Man, on the other hand, no matter how strong-willed is always open for temptation. Everywhere you turn there is something new tempting you into sin. I could waste your time and mine by listing all the ways we have to sin, but instead I would rather focus on some of the ways that we can resist temptation, primarily with prayer.

In Doctrine and Covenants 10 verse 5 we are commanded to pray always that we may conquer Satan. Which sounds a lot easier than it really is. We can become distracted by the business of our every day life, a pressing deadline at work, or even the shock and awe that the Sun is actually out in Seattle that we must absolutely go play in it right this very second. However it is important to realize that it is in those stressful moments in our lives that we need to pray the most. Spencer W. Kimball said "When I used to travel throughout the stakes and missions of the Church in earlier years, I often met people who were in trouble or who had great need. My first question to them was, “What about your prayers? How often? How deeply involved are you when you pray?” I have observed that sin generally comes when communication lines are down. For this reason the Lord said to the Prophet Joseph Smith, “What I say unto one I say unto all; pray always lest that wicked one have power in you.”

So very often we are faced with serious challenges in our lives, and we will quickly turn to parents, coworkers, or our closest friends for advice to help us through our dilemma. This isn't necessarily the wrong thing to do, but my question is why is it that we choose to turn to our Heavenly Father for guidance and directions like we do our real fathers? Perhaps we feel that our issues are too small to waste God's time with. There are other people who need their answers more than I do. I can handle this on my own. As we all know this is the work of Satan. We are all equal in the eyes of the lord, and so are all of our problems. There is no DMVesque queue where he takes the more important and pressing needs first. He loves all of us and he wants to help us find our way back to him. If we simply turn to him in our time of need he will guide us to the solutions.

In 2003 Russell M. Nelson relayed the following story about one of his experiences with prayer.

Many of us have had experiences with the sweet power of prayer. One of mine was shared with a stake patriarch from southern Utah. I first met him in my medical office more than 40 years ago, during the early pioneering days of surgery of the heart. This saintly soul suffered much because of a failing heart. He pleaded for help, thinking that his condition resulted from a damaged but repairable valve in his heart.

Extensive evaluation revealed that he had two faulty valves. While one could be helped surgically, the other could not. Thus, an operation was not advised. He received this news with deep disappointment.

Subsequent visits ended with the same advice. Finally, in desperation, he spoke to me with considerable emotion: “Dr. Nelson, I have prayed for help and have been directed to you. The Lord will not reveal to me how to repair that second valve, but He can reveal it to you. Your mind is so prepared. If you will operate upon me, the Lord will make it known to you what to do. Please perform the operation that I need, and pray for the help that you need.” 21

His great faith had a profound effect upon me. How could I turn him away again? Following a fervent prayer together, I agreed to try. In preparing for that fateful day, I prayed over and over again, but still did not know what to do for his leaking tricuspid valve. Even as the operation commenced, 22 my assistant asked, “What are you going to do for that?”

I said, “I do not know.”

We began the operation. After relieving the obstruction of the first valve, 23 we exposed the second valve. We found it to be intact but so badly dilated that it could no longer function as it should. While examining this valve, a message was distinctly impressed upon my mind: Reduce the circumference of the ring. I announced that message to my assistant. “The valve tissue will be sufficient if we can effectively reduce the ring toward its normal size.”

But how? We could not apply a belt as one would use to tighten the waist of oversized trousers. We could not squeeze with a strap as one would cinch a saddle on a horse. Then a picture came vividly to my mind, showing how stitches could be placed—to make a pleat here and a tuck there—to accomplish the desired objective. I still remember that mental image—complete with dotted lines where sutures should be placed. The repair was completed as diagrammed in my mind. We tested the valve and found the leak to be reduced remarkably. My assistant said, “It’s a miracle.”

I responded, “It’s an answer to prayer.”

The patient’s recovery was rapid and his relief gratifying. Not only was he helped in a marvelous way, but surgical help for other people with similar problems had become a possibility. I take no credit. Praise goes to this faithful patriarch and to God, who answered our prayers. This faithful man lived for many more years and has since gone to his eternal glory.

Now just because we are all on a level playing field when it comes to having the Lord's desire to listen to our prayers, this doesn't mean that we don't need to strive to build a stronger level of communication with our heavenly Father. If we cannot completely convey our situation to the Lord there is no way for him to be able to accurately know what we need to fix it.

In 1990 Ezra Taft Benson gave 5 ways we can improve our communication with the Lord.

1. We should pray frequently. This one works in a couple different ways. For one, how likely are you to help a friend that you talk to on a daily basis when they come to you in a time of need? Now how likely are you to help a friend you haven't seen in 15 years and won't tell you the whole story behind their dilemma so you can understand it properly? It is the same way with the lord. The more he knows of you and your intentions the more he will know that if he gives you aide you won't just turn around and return to the behaviors that got you in trouble in the first place.

2. We should find an appropriate place where we can meditate and pray. if you are praying in a place full of distractions, it is very likely that you aren't as interested in what you are saying and you are more likely to rush through your prayer to go out and enjoy those distractions. Instead try and find a nice quiet room away from everything and everyone. That way you can dedicate all of your attention to your conversation with the lord.

3. We should prepare ourselves for prayer. When entering into a conversation with a superior about an issue that is important to you it is fundamentally important to know your talking points. Recently I had a job interview to become the Store Manager of my store. I spent almost a week preparing myself for this conversation so that I could best convey why I felt I was the best option for the position. If I didn't believe I was best for the position, neither would my boss. It is the same way with prayer. If you don't know why you are praying then neither will God. Meanwhile if you know exactly what you are asking for it will help the lord know what is best for you.

4. Our prayers should be meaningful and pertinent. As much fun as everyone can say small talk is, there is very little room for it in our prayers. Let's put it this way, if you were to sit down with the President would you waste his time with standard getting to know you questions? I most certainly wouldn't. His time is valuable and as someone who has seen a lot of the West Wing, he is a busy man and he has much better things to do than tell you how his day is going. It is the same way with the Lord. He wants the meat, or meat-like substitute, of the conversation sandwich. That is not to say that he doesn't want to hear about our day, but rather that he wants to hear about the important stuff more. This is why repetitive and memorized prayers are a waste of time. He heard you the first time. Eventually if you don't say anything new or pertinent to the conversation, it will tend to end before it actually ends and you are left talking to yourself.

5. After making a request through prayer we have a responsibility to assist in it being granted. it is like dale Carnegie said "If you want to conquer fear, don't sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy." Once we ask for help we absolutely cannot sit and wait for the answer. If I were to pray for a new job I can not possibly get that job unless I go out and apply for many, many, many jobs. No one is going to come to my door and say "Hey I would like to give you a job complete stranger. I pay $45,000 a year and you only have to work 3 hours a weekday." It just doesn't work that way. As Spencer W. Kimball once said "It is such a privilege and joy to pray to our Father in Heaven, such a blessing for us. But our experience is not finished after our prayer is completed. Amulek correctly taught: “And now behold, my beloved brethren, … after ye have [prayed], if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith.” (Alma 34:28.) We must never forget that we are to live the gospel as honestly and earnestly as we pray."

A brief post of thanks

As a male I don't usually get to receive the benefits of the Relief Society. I mean I get the benefits of their smiling faces and their wonderful company on dates and whatnot but I don't get that sense of community and sisterhood that a regular member of the Relief Society SHOULD get. Instead as a man I am subjected to the Elder's Quorum. Now I may be entirely off base when I say this but, at least with my experience with a singles ward EQ there is no community or real togetherness. Rather it's a bunch of males sizing each other up as competition and declaring themselves superior in some way to make themselves feel better. The sisters have enrichment where the get together and talked and craft and learn skills that better themselves as people while also growing closer together as sisters. The men however have "Manrichment" where we sit around and watch sports, or play video games while eating pizza and beating each other up either physically or via the bloody games. I think that just made my point for me. I do have some friends in the EQ, but for the most part I keep to myself and I find myself making friends with the sisters which probably bothers oh so many of my brethren which I will admit is at least part of why I do it.

Anyway back to what I was trying to talk about before I tangented myself into dangerous territory - the Relief Society. I honestly do think that the strength of any good ward is in it's sisters. Earlier this week my mom went in for gastric bypass surgery. After she was released from the hospital she was required to stay in a hotel here in Seattle in order to recover fully and make sure there were no complications. She couldn't just go home because she lives in Prosser and that's too far from the hospital for them to get to any problems in a timely manner. I tried to get the time off from work so I could stay with her all day while she was in the hotel but unfortunately a coworker had already requested the time off and I was the only other keyholder available to close the store so I couldn't get the time off I needed. What commenced was a stressful week of me trying to figure out how to ask for help and who to turn to. Naturally I turned to my friends from the church and I also talked to my boss about working my schedule so I was working the least amount of hours possible while my mom needed me.

I heard very little back from anyone that could actually help me. I had friends in Idaho and the Tri-Cities say they would help me in a heartbeat if they could. My EQP and friend Carl volunteered for the first night with my mom which was a huge load off my shoulders. Then my good friend Laura called and said she could help the second because it's her spring break. I had Sunday off thanks to my wonderful boss Wes, and then I started to get phone calls and emails from other SISTERS in the ward offering their time to help. A lot of them couldn't actually help but they sent their prayers and well wishes anyway. Then my friend Megan volunteered for Monday and it looked like all the shifts that I had told people about were filled.

One little problem - when I sent out the email I miscalculated when my mom was getting to go home. I thought she was leaving on Tuesday because that was the fifth day. It turns out that she needed to stay for five NIGHTS and so once again I was left with an open day. Miraculously I didn't even need to ask for help. Sunday in the morning I got a phone call from Whitney in my ward's Relief Society presidency making sure that I had all the days covered and asking if there was anything she could do. I mentioned that I still needed Tuesday night covered and she said she was going to take care of it. I felt relieved as I passed on the information that she needed and I went about my day believing that someone would come through and that Tuesday would be okay.

After church Whitney called me and said that not just one sister but two of them volunteered to help on Tuesday and that Erin would be there from 4-7 and that Geneva, a sister that met me for the first time a week ago, would watch her from 7 until I got home from work. Everything worked out and on top of it all my mom has been feeling better and better as the days go on. I can see her strength returning and her spirits lifted and I can't help but think that while spending time with me is part of the reason for it, I really think that being able to see that other people who don't even know who she is care about her enough to take 4-6 hours out of their day and spend it taking care of her out of the kindness of their hearts is a much bigger part of it.

I just wanted to take this time to say thank you to all of you who helped, or promised to help, or wanted to help my mom this past week. Specifically Laura O'Brien, Carl Cutler, Laura and Byron Schmidt, Megan Wixom, Erin Leigh Chapman, Geneva Pelfrey, Whitney Thompson, Rachael Knudsen, Aimee Elber, Andreanne Loiselle, Jon Cox, Derek Child, Kurt Kaiser, Brian "Little Bingo" Stephens, and Wes Miller. Without you guys working with me I really don't know how I would have survived these five days. Both my mom and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being the single most amazing people that I know. I love you all, and I never say that so you know I mean it.

I was clearly the wrong person to ask to do this

In a follow up on my last post about writer's block I thought I would share with all of you what I wrote. This was all featured in today's ward newsletter.

Alright so I really don't know what I can tell you that you haven't heard already in regards to dating. I mean we've all been in a singles ward long enough to have heard all the boring cliches (yes even you freshmen). Be patient, go on dates, respect each other, be friendly, blah, blah blah, etc. etc. etc. It's a bored and tired record that I know I am sick of having spouted to me week in and week out. However I do have a few thoughts on the matter that I am going to share with you, feel free to ignore this and fold it into a paper airplane if you don't want to listen.

Ladies: No one wants to hear you complain about how no one asks you on dates. No matter how true it may be, chances are you really just mean that boy you like isn't asking you on a date. Perhaps instead of whining about it you should be proactive about it. Men aren't mind readers, we need you to tell us what you want. Maybe not as blatant as "you should ask me out for this weekend." but flirting is essential. And by flirting I don't mean hard to get flirting because hard to get just means high maintenance to most men.

Men: Stop being so shallow. I really can't say that enough. There are so many women in our ward that deserve to be asked out on dates that simply aren't because of some stupid juvenile thoughts on beauty. Looks will fade. She will put on a few extra pounds. It's her personality and soul that will stay through the ages and eternity.

Ladies: Remember your worth. If a man isn't treating you up to your worth he isn't worth your time or energy. You're amazing, always remember that. Don't stress about that one boy who isn't showing the affection you want, and deserve. He's an idiot who is missing out on you. You just need to go out there and live your life and be happy. Don't waste your pretty on jerks.

Men: You have a cell phone - use it. Email, Facebook, and texting has made us lazy. If you want to show a woman you are serious about spending time with her call her. It will mean a lot more than writing on her wall ever could. If you don't have her phone number, the next time you see her just ask. I'm sure she will be willing to give it to you.

Ladies: If a guy asks you on a date for the first time, say yes. No he may not be that dreamboat you've been eying in Sunday School, but it took a lot for this other fella to ask you out and you never really know just how much fun you could be having until you actually go out.

Men: If a woman declines your invitation for a date, and you aren't sure if she is blowing you off or not apply what I call the "Brad Pitt Rule". If Brad Pitt had asked her on a date would she have turned him down? No. She would have moved heaven and earth to make that happen. Now while you are not Mr. Pitt, if a woman is into you she would drop anything to go out with you. ANYTHING. Obviously there are exceptions and plans that cannot be moved, but if she is into you she will suggest another time for the date. If she doesn't do that, well you've been shut out and there is nothing you can do about it. But don’t worry, she probably isn’t as cool as you thought she was since she doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another lady who will.*

Alright there you have it a few simple tips and unsolicited advice on how to date. I do have one more bit of advice for you ladies and gentlemen though if you haven't quite tired of this shtick yet: Just go out on dates. I figure the sooner all of us are married the sooner we can stop being the guilted and start laying on the guilt trips instead.


*The Brad Pitt rule was blatantly stolen from one of my favorite blogs "The Art of Manliness". The whole post can be read here

Unfair expectations

There are very few things about being in a singles ward that I don't like. I like the minimal amount of children crying. I like the general similarities in age that I have with everyone in the ward. I like pretty much everything. The one thing I don't like however is the automatic assumptions that if you arrive at a meeting with a member of the opposite sex and you sit with them you are automatically dating that person. Take for example this conversation I had with my old roommate Spencer today at a Munch and Mingle (or whatever cheesy name they are giving these "go find an eternal companion" post church mixers these days):

Me: Hey Spencer how's it going?
Spencer: I'm good. And you?
A: I'm doing alright.
S: So how did you meet that orthodontist girl you were sitting next to in church?
A: Huh? Oh Joan? She's an Opthamologist not an orthodontist.
S: Oh right, how'd you meet her?
A: Um she lives a block away from me. I'm her home teacher, I met her like a month ago.
S: Oh wow that's cool.
A: (finally realizing what Spencer is thinking) We aren't dating Spencer. I'm just her home teacher and since she lives so close to me I ask her for rides to church.
S: Oh okay....

Now granted Spencer isn't the most socially... aware person I've ever met but still this isn't the first time it has happened to me. When I was first interested in she whom shall not be named our very own bishop came up to me to ask about her and if we were together. And it isn't just me that this happens to. I am certain there are at least 4 people that I can think of off the top of my head right now that constantly get bombarded with these same sorts of questions. Now granted I think those 4 people should just hook up already (in pairs of 2 naturally) but that is besides the point. if they just want to be close friends who happen to be of the opposite sex then that is up to them. If they want to date they will do it on their own time and if for whatever reason it decided they should announce to the whole world "Hey stop asking my girlfriend on a date, she's with me jackass" then they will do so on their own timeline not yours. I really hate to speak in such blatant terms because we're all grownups (unless you're like 12 and reading this blog in which case I'm mostly worried about your taste in reading material) but essentially the only thing asking does is make you look stupid. Seriously regardless of if they are in a relationship or not you look stupid. If someone wants to talk about their relationships they will, if they don't they won't. All you are when you ask is the annoying person who doesn't understand common courtesy. If you absolutely need confirmation on if they are in a relationship observe, watch, check for signals. It really isn't that hard.

I get that as a singles ward the whole point is to mark your territory and find your prey. I really do understand that. However there is such a thing called tact and perhaps it's time we as a group start utilizing it a bit more before bad things happen.

I gave a talk

So today I had the privilege of giving a talk in church. I love giving talks if for no other reason than it gives me a chance to hear my own voice. Anyway I realized since it is Easter a lot of my friends wouldn't be able to see or hear my talk and I would hate to deprive them of such a chance. So here, in it's entirety is my talk. I have entitled it "Easter Talk" even though I don't talk about Easter at all. I was given the opportunity to talk about either Easter or something from conference last week and I thought it would be easier to write about a conference talk. Anyway here is my talk. Enjoy.

Easter talk


In a world full of complaints and grievances I actually have none. My life is pretty good. I have a roof over my head, yes a roof I share with 5 other men but they are 5 of the best roommates I could ever ask for. I have a job, and not only that but a job that I love. I have the respect of my coworkers and the love of my many friends. And speaking of those friends I have definitely been blessed with a core group of friends that I know will do everything within their power for me, including but not exclusive to late night rides when my bus is late, care packages when I am sick, or even just a late night chat when I can't sleep. Like I said my life is pretty good. However with all those things comes the fear that I could lose any one of those things at any moment. The economy is in the trash, people move, jobs can be lost. With these thoughts on my mind a lot I find myself doubting just how awesome my life is. I am sure some of you have these same fears, or even some legitimate feelings of depression and frustration with the way life is treating you. In times of doubt and despair it is even more important to turn to the Savior's reassuring love to ease our heavy hearts and lighten our load.


In last week's conference Elder Allan F. Packer gave a talk entitled "Finding strength in challenging times!" where he gives us several ways to develop our testimonies to aid us in these times of need.

the first way is to have a desire, as Alma said "Alma said, “For I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life". Much like when it comes to hearing the advice of your parents it is impossible to hear the still small voice of the holy ghost without having a desire to hear it. You cannot expect the lord to help if he does not feel you want his help. I spent many years of my adolescence refusing to listen to holy ghost simply because I chose to ignore it and to follow my own poorly thought out ideas as to what I should be doing.

Elder Packer's next suggestion is to do as Alma suggested and experiment on the word. Alma 32:28 reads "We will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.” to put that into simple terms: listen to the words of the spirit, do what it tells you to do. Once you see the good that comes from that it will become easier to trust the spirit and thus become easier to be happy.

Another suggestion from Elder Packer is to study and learn. Often I find that my mind and spirit become in-lined while I am studying my scriptures and pondering on what I am reading. As it is said in D&C 9:8 "But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right" study often allows us to apply what we are learning to our own lives and circumstances so that we might be able to know easier what it is we should be searching for and how to find them.

How do we recognize the spirit though is a completely different matter entirely. Occasionally you have heard it described as a still small voice or as a burning in the bosom. the truth is every one feels the spirit differently and the way I feel it in one situation might be different from another situation. I can say that despite all the grandiose terms people use to describe the manifestations of the spirit usually they are often very minuscule and small feelings. I remember the first time I read the book of Mormon all the way from cover to cover at the age of eight. I reached the end of Moroni and I read his challenge and decided I wanted to feel that burning in my bosom everyone was always talking about. I knelt down and said the humble prayer of an boy in search of answers. When I was done I was sad. I hadn't spontaneously combusted. In fact there was no fire at all. My mother noticed just how sad I was and sat me on her knee and asked what was wrong. In all my innocence I explained the situation and mom just laughed. Once she finished laughing at my naivety she asked me simply "Allen, do you feel good? Does your heart feel warm?" I nodded my head. "well that is that burning in the bosom they are talking about. It isn't a real fire, but the warm feeling of confirmation from the spirit" Suddenly I was happy knowing that I had received my revelation.

The final suggestion that Elder Packer gave us was to ask for a testimony of truth to open inspiration. While we don't all have the time to kneel and pray as the young eight year old me did in my little story sometimes it is just as simple as having a prayer in your mind that will open our train of thought and encourage the spirit to join us and aid us in our hard times.

in closing often times we find ourselves in hard times that can feel like there is no escape. I was once told this story by a near and dear friend of mine named Mudbone that I would like to share with you -

People talk about how these are hard times. These aren't hard times. Hard times was way back, didn't even have a name for it. Just called 'em hard times. And it was dark all the time. I think the sun came out on Wednesday. And if you didn't get up early you missed it. Well I just happened to be out there one Wednesday and the sun hit me right in the face. So I grabbed a bunch of it and rubbed it all over my face. Shoot I didn't have anything else to do, figured I might as well have some sunshine on my face. So time went on and I remember it was Thursday and I said to myself, because there was nobody else around, "Man that sun is harsh. That's why they don't want us to have any,cuz it'll cheer you up inside.

I have a testimony that while times may be tough it is always possible to find some sunshine in your life if you just open up your heart and mind to the lord and trust in him. I am not asking you to ignore your problems when life hands them to you, just remember to keep some sunshine on your face to remind yourself that there is still good in the world.