Unfair expectations

There are very few things about being in a singles ward that I don't like. I like the minimal amount of children crying. I like the general similarities in age that I have with everyone in the ward. I like pretty much everything. The one thing I don't like however is the automatic assumptions that if you arrive at a meeting with a member of the opposite sex and you sit with them you are automatically dating that person. Take for example this conversation I had with my old roommate Spencer today at a Munch and Mingle (or whatever cheesy name they are giving these "go find an eternal companion" post church mixers these days):

Me: Hey Spencer how's it going?
Spencer: I'm good. And you?
A: I'm doing alright.
S: So how did you meet that orthodontist girl you were sitting next to in church?
A: Huh? Oh Joan? She's an Opthamologist not an orthodontist.
S: Oh right, how'd you meet her?
A: Um she lives a block away from me. I'm her home teacher, I met her like a month ago.
S: Oh wow that's cool.
A: (finally realizing what Spencer is thinking) We aren't dating Spencer. I'm just her home teacher and since she lives so close to me I ask her for rides to church.
S: Oh okay....

Now granted Spencer isn't the most socially... aware person I've ever met but still this isn't the first time it has happened to me. When I was first interested in she whom shall not be named our very own bishop came up to me to ask about her and if we were together. And it isn't just me that this happens to. I am certain there are at least 4 people that I can think of off the top of my head right now that constantly get bombarded with these same sorts of questions. Now granted I think those 4 people should just hook up already (in pairs of 2 naturally) but that is besides the point. if they just want to be close friends who happen to be of the opposite sex then that is up to them. If they want to date they will do it on their own time and if for whatever reason it decided they should announce to the whole world "Hey stop asking my girlfriend on a date, she's with me jackass" then they will do so on their own timeline not yours. I really hate to speak in such blatant terms because we're all grownups (unless you're like 12 and reading this blog in which case I'm mostly worried about your taste in reading material) but essentially the only thing asking does is make you look stupid. Seriously regardless of if they are in a relationship or not you look stupid. If someone wants to talk about their relationships they will, if they don't they won't. All you are when you ask is the annoying person who doesn't understand common courtesy. If you absolutely need confirmation on if they are in a relationship observe, watch, check for signals. It really isn't that hard.

I get that as a singles ward the whole point is to mark your territory and find your prey. I really do understand that. However there is such a thing called tact and perhaps it's time we as a group start utilizing it a bit more before bad things happen.

I was robbed!

Okay maybe I wasn't robbed but I do feel let down a bit.

This last weekend was a multi-stake talent show with performers from all 3 of the University wards and also some from Halls Lake. Part of me really likes talent shows because it's cheap entertainment and you get to see everyone go out and make a fool of themselves. The other part of me hates talent shows because the only people who actually participate in them are musicians. There are no poets, there are no chefs. There are just musician after musician after musician. Typically it is a guitar too, though you will see pianists and singers as well. I loved discussing this with my friend Jon in the weeks prior to the event if for no reason other than it led to this comment "I've thought about that, and I agree. That's why I'm playing my sax." I didn't have the heart to tell him that is also just another musical act.

I don't play an instrument though, and despite what a lot of people think I can not sing. My best talent is my ability to make people laugh. Many, many moons ago when I graduated from Seminary instead of having a graduate dinner we had a talent show. You weren't required to participate but as a senior and as someone who wanted to make Mormon friends since I was just coming back to the church I decided I was going to do stand up comedy for the talent show. I worked so hard on my act, far harder than any school work I did that entire year. I wrote it out on note cards and everything. When I got my act cleared by my seminary teacher he was nervous for me because he didn't think what he had read was funny and he didn't want me to make a fool of myself.

Thankfully my routine worked better on stage than it did on paper. I killed it. I don't think I could have been happier with the results if I tried. Well that is until last night.

I decided to resurrect the old act to break from the monotony of it all and to do something different. I had performed the act a couple times in between then and now and each time it had done very well, and my stage presence had grown. This was going to be a perfect performance. And i figured I was lucky and the fact that I was doing something fun and different people would notice and maybe I would win something.

And then I saw that I was going first.

First is horrible for something like this, and I will explain why. 1. The crowd is cold, and they have no idea what to expect. 2. This is a Mormon event so 45% of the audience is going to be coming late and won't see me perform. Those are missed votes. 3. I can not express this enough: NO ONE REMEMBERS THE OPENING ACTS. No one. Ever.

Needless to say I was pissed. Last minute I tried to come up with several things I could do to make myself stand out. I got myself entrance music (yes this entrance music) I tried to work in something about the strange thing that actually opened the show that the committee members put together, and then at the end of my bit I plugged voting and shilled like you wouldn't believe for people to vote for me during the intermission.

My actual set was flawless. every joke worked, everyone laughed. I even added a new joke that I had never performed. I probably should have moved some of the jokes around so I could end on a big laugh but I honestly can't think of anything I could have done to make it better.

And then everyone else went and I was forgotten.

In the end my friend Jon won, Bridgette and Sarah did an amazing job and came in second. I will not fault these acts as they were amazing and deserved everything that they received and then some. My fault is with the 3rd place winner.

They went last, and took up what seemed like forever. They did essentially 3 songs including a HORRIBLE rendition of Eruption. Their opening song was so horrible and lacked any level of stage presence. The closing song they did was pretty good I will give them that, but at the same time it also consisted of mostly 14-16 year olds aka people who shouldn't have been in the contest to begin with. But of course they went last and because their act was so long they were freshest in people's mind come voting time. It was just ridiculous how bad they actually were.

I wound up tying for 4th, which if you look at it in the right sense means I did well and I should be proud of my accomplishments. I am proud, I love that I was able to get up there and make people laugh. I am glad they appreciated my act, and I hope to get to do it again some day. I still wish I hadn't gone first, but there is nothing really one can do about that. I did my best, which is all I could hope for.

Well and that Kurt and his friends had at least stuck around for intermission and voted for me. Jerks cost me my win ;)