A letter to you

Dear reader,

Hi how are you? I'm fine. Did you have a fun Christmas? I always enjoy the holidays. So I have been wondering something for awhile now, since i started this blog really, why do you read it? I mean I know why I write it but I don't really understand entirely why someone would read it. I write because I hate writing in a journal but I need a place to write my inane and trivial thoughts. I write for the attention I get with every passing post. I write because I don't really have anything better to do and so I tend to ramble a bit (a lot if you ask Mark). I mean I realize you read this because I'm your friend and you love me and blah blah blah but why do you come back? Especially for those of you who read it from the beginning. I mean there was a stretch where I kinda forgot this thing existed, I would have figured you would have too, but no you have diligently continued reading my bogus and often incoherent posts.

Is it because I'm funny? I mean I have been told I have the second funniest blog out there (thanks Sarah, you're the second funniest Sarah I know) so that could be it. However it would appear if that is your destination should be Megan Belcher's blog for it is "the funniest blog out there" - Sarah K.

Is it because you hold out hope that I will say something poignant and deep? I hate to disappoint you but I am about as deep as the kiddie pool and just as filthy. Go read Mark or Kristin's blog if you want poignant and deep with a hint of confusing.

Is it because I delete posts you thought would be interesting when they showed up in your reader but when you got there it was nothing? Oh wait I don't do that, that would be Derek.

Do you like my cheery disposition in all that I do, while also enjoying my quirky design? Oops that's Sarah Hammond.

Also if you are looking for updates on my children and the rest of the family there's like 17 blogs to the right there that would be better fit since I rarely talk about my imaginary children since I wind up looking crazy.

I could keep going on reasons I think you might be reading this (you're looking for new and inventive ways to call someone fat perhaps?) but instead I will go with why I think you actually are reading this (confused? It's simple those other ones were jokes. Were they funny? No? this would be why I am in second.)

You are my close friends. According to the 2 separate site monitors I have on this blog the majority of my readers are in Seattle. Of the ones that are outside of Seattle they come from places I have either family or old friends that I have kept in contact with through facebook. You folks are awesome and I appreciate your reading.

You really like movie posters. I'd say during the holidays I got 3-4 hits a day from people looking for the posters that I used in my top 10 lists. I don't blame them they are awesome posters.

You actually DO find me funny. I don't think a social event goes by that I don't hear from someone telling me they love my blog and how funny it is. recently I had at least 7 people tell me they wanted to punch the poor old Asian lady in the face for calling me fat. I'm once again thankful for all the support in my writing as I surprisingly enough put a lot of thought and effort into these blog posts and I am grateful that the effort is worth it.

You want to get to know me better. Well folks you have come to the right place on that one. The only place I talk more about the intricacies of my feelings and my daily life is on Twitter. Normally my stories would be shared with a small few but through this blog and twitter I have an outlet for them to share them with everyone. The only thing missing is my outrageously loud voice shouting without realizing I am shouting. You would be surprised how many people don't miss that.

You actually have patience and love my long-windedness. Some people (Mark) have grown accustomed to the insanely short writings of Kristin, Megan, and many others. Unfortunately I never really know when to stop and as such my blogs are very, VERY long. And honestly I am happy about that. All my favorite blog writers write long entries. Matt at x-entertainment.com is an excellent example of the type or writer I try to model myself after. Sorry if you don't like this but unfortunately for you I don't plan on changing any time soon.

Anyway those are my ideas as for why you read, though I really want to know honestly why you read. Unfortunately I know most of you won't comment because either you are shy or you would rather tell me in person, and that's fine. However you know what's fun? Using the comment sections. I really hate to have to plug my own comment section but it's kinda bare. I want it to be full. So please, just this once, comment here. I want to hear from you, all of you. If for no other reason than it gives me a better idea as to who is reading this. Either way I love all of you, but I love the ones that comment even more.

Sincerely,
Allen


P.S. Okay maybe this one is a LITTLE long.

My Christmas Wishlist

I want...

a new phone.
books, lots and lots of books.
movies, lots and lots of movies.
cookware.
HAIR CARE & GROOMING PRODUCTS
toys to play with.
my computer to have sound again.
a new iPod that can actually hold all of my music on it.
to see my mom.
for my friends to know that I love them.
to know that my friends love me.
to make everyone smile a genuine smile.
to not have to be the man in charge.
to have the respect of the man in charge.
a kiss that means something.
to hear him say "I'm sorry".
to have an understanding of money and not run out.
to lose more weight.
to not get frustrated as easily.
to understand I am not the only one trying as hard as I can.
to help Mark find something else to say besides "that's what she said".
to cook for other people more.
to watch every movie I own that I haven't seen before.
to not be so judgmental of others and the trials they are going through.
to get more friends from Seattle to follow me on Twitter.
to remember what it was like to be a child.
to stay that way.
to be loved.

Looking for a good scare?

Alright so in an effort to blog more I have decided to take one of my favorite subjects, movies, and apply a holiday twist to it and create a list. So here are my top 10 favorite scary movies. As far as I am concerned these movies are guaranteed to score you some quality cuddle time with pretty much any girl, which let's face it is the only real reason to watch a scary movie because it certainly isn't for the acting or the story.

#10 Jurassic Park
Alright so first things first you are absolutely LYING if you say Jurassic Park isn't scary. I know it isn't a slasher flick or a blood and guts torture porn flick that seems to crowd the movie theaters every Halloween lately but that definitely does not mean it isn't scary. All I need to say to prove my point is you take one look at the scene when Nedry dies and it's perfect arch of ealiviating all tention when he goes from a state of complete fear to letting his guard down (and the audience does as well) only to be shocked and scared when it turns out that little adorable creature he was just playing fetch with is a violent creature with a thirst for fat antagonist blood. The absolute best part of this movie though is that for the uninitiated to how scary it is you can totally pass it off as an action adventure movie and then *BAM* your date is in your lap begging for you to protect her from the scary dinosaurs.
#9 Misery
Kathy Bates is not allowed anywhere near my person EVER. it is really no surprise to anyone to say that Stephen King books make the perfect transition to the big screen and if I had to chose a personal favorite it would be Misery. The sense of helplessness that you feel for James Caan as he lays in that bed unable to call for help and at the mercy of the incredibly creepy Kathy Bates is just too much for me to handle sometimes. Throw in the sheer gruesomeness of the hobbling scene and you have yet another scarefest that doesn't require blood and gore to get it's scares in. And I for one appreciate that in a scary movie.
#8 Jaws
So every single Halloween I seem to find myself wanting to watch Jaws. I'm not entirely sure why as again while it is certainly scary it isn't your typical Halloween viewing choice. Generally it seems those are slasher flicks featuring human bad guys with knives hunting and murdering helpless humans much to the dismay of local authorities. Okay now that I wrote that I think Jaws pretty much is a slasher flick without the slasher. At my latest showing I actually had 4 people get up and leave due to the eating of a child. I would call these actions a success for any scary movie worth your time when the leaves are turnign orange.
# 7 Saw
Unlike the Saw movies that followed this one actually told a story and didn't overly force it's gore on the viewers so it is defiantely a favorite of mine. Is it gory? Yes. And while that usually is a big check in the "don't watch" collumn for me, the gore serves a purpose so i am more than willing to give this one a pass. Also the ending will absolutely blow your mind and on that alone I am saying watch this one this Halloween.



#6 Poltergeist
Another PG horror movie for me and this one I really do love. I mean not only is it scary to think about but it also serves as a warning against allowing the Television to take over your life and take care of your children for you. Maybe if Craig T. Nelson ahd been a better father the ghosts wouldn't have had the oppertunity to attack the family becuase the TV would have been off and he would have been playing with his kids. As a child raised by television I have to say that the notion of your TV coming to life and trying to destroy you is the scariest thing imaginable.

#5 The Omen
This just in: Children are scary. It's their natural state. overly stoic children are even scarier. Throw in the name Damien and I'm pretty sure you have nightmare fuel to last a lifetime. Especially if you happen to be a nanny or a maid for a family with a child named Damien.




#4 Evil Dead
Death can be funny. Death by tree rape is definately funny. Granted I am saying that as a man so maybe ladies don't find the idea of being violated by an Oak as hilarious as I do but that's okay because that means you think it's scary. Also do not get tricked, Evil Dead 2 is just the same movie with more of a budget. If you want a true sequel check out the incredibly awesome army of Darkness. Seriously if it were possible I would have Bruce Campbell's babies.


#3 Scream
So you have a scary movie with a big name actress Drew Barrymore in it. She's even on your poster so clearly anyone who has ever seen a horror movie knows she's your scream queen and she's gonna live forever. And then she gets gutted by the garage door before the openign credits. Wes Craven throws everything you know about the horror Genre in your face, explaining every twist and turn directly to you, AND HE STILL MANAGES TO SCARE YOU. Congratulations Wes, you certainly deserve every ounce of fanboy worship you recieve.

#2 Alien
So every single time I mention how much I love this movie my dad tells me the same story. When my parents were still married they went to see this movie due to my father's unantural love of all things Science Fiction. He left with bruises that perfectly matched my mom's hand on his thigh that lasted for 2 weeks. Now while it is true my mom scares pretty easily the mood and the damp dark nature of the spaceship only adds to this being the prefect scary movie. Any woman out there willing to watch this with me has my respect and will always have a date for Friday nights.

#1 The Exorcist
A few years ago they re-released the Exorcist in theaters for Halloween and I got very excited. I had never seen it before but it had so much hype behind it and so much praise everywhere I turned I had to see if it could live up to it. I went to a midnight showing all by myself. the theater was packed and everyone was ready to be scared, well except me. For some reason when something is hyped up so very much I imediately assume it's BS fanboys who have no clue what they are talking about and that it can't possibly live up to it all. I am proud to say that The Exorcist not only lived up to the hype but it exceeded it. I left the theater with chills and a distinct fear of something I don't even belive in. Success was made and a new fanboy was born. Also I got a little chuckle out of the fact that someone had vomited on the sidewalk outside the theater for some reason. This is quite possibly the only movie on this list that i would actually have to think long and hard about seeing again, not because it wasn't amazing because it was, but more because it scared me that much.

Alright so that is my list that I managed to finish 3 days late for Halloween. Now I am fully aware that all lists are subjective and you may disagree with it. That's okay. Feel free to voice your opinion in the comments. In fact please do tell me where I messed up. I want to know what you would take off the list and what you would put in it's place.

8 Is A Magic Number

8 Things I am Passionate About:
1. Sports
2. Music
3. Movies
4. My Family
5. My Friends
6. Seeing others happy
7. Making people laugh
8. trying to find that perfect outfit for every occasion

8 Words or Phrases I Say Often:
1. Bellevue Square mariner Team Store this is Allen how may I help you?
2. You bet.
3. Really? REALLY?
4. That's what she said (thanks Mark.)
5. She's cute.
6. No we don't sell any Seahawks stuff.
7. I'm updating my Twitter.
8. No really she's cute.

8 Things I want to do before I Die:
1. Get married
2. Be happy
3. Figure everything out
4. Tie my tie right the first time
5. Lose myself in myself
6. Finally make sense of why I do the things I do.
7. Make you smile just by walking into a room.
8. Stop saying stupid overly romanticized things like "I want to make you smile just by walking into a room."

8 Things I Have Learned From my Past:
1. If a girl will talk to me and feign interest in me, she clearly wants me.
2. Sometimes, you don't have to be funny.
3. I have a grumpy face, and I share it with people A LOT.
4. Hugs aren't bad.
5. There is more to life than cheering for your favorite sports team.
6. Always keep some sunshine on your face.
7. Richard Pryor was a genius.
8. I am an idiot for thinking #1.

8 Places I Would Love to Go or See:
1. My grandparents on Christmas day
2. 1986
3. The arms of someone who loves me.
4. Safeco Field
5. Candlestick Park
6. My happy place
7. the temple
8. My childhood home

8 Things I Currently Need or Want:
1. My friends to be happy
2. Acceptance
3. Change
4. Growth
5. Control
6. Happiness
7. Strength
8. Attention

Just to let you know I'm alive

I have about a million half written blogs that I promise will eventually see the light of day if I ever can get back into the mood of writing them but this one is just to tell you my faithful one reader that I am still breathing and thinking weird things. that is all.

It's that time of year again

Bumbershoot. I go every year and every single year I enjoy myself. This year is a little different for me though as for the most part I am a paying attendee. In previous years I have managed to get in for free by volunteering usually ushering at the Charlotte Martin comedy stage. However due to an over abundance of acts I actually want to see outside of the comedy world I decided I needed to pay this time. So as with previous years I have decided that I am going to blog about each day separately and this time I'm even going to include my schedule in case any of my readers (all none of you) would care to track me down and enjoy a show with me. So without further adieu here is my Saturday schedule.

12:30 - 1:30 @ the Fisher Green Stage - The Staxx Brothers

So I'm not gonna lie, I was looking for something early in the day that I would enjoy in order to kill time before my comedy show of the day. I generally do find myself at the Fisher Green stage due to it's proximity to the Charlotte Martin so I tend to check there first. Well I found these guys and started listening to their Myspace page and well I was hooked. They are the perfect blend of funk, soul, hip hop, and the best of all they are local. They are very reminiscent of the Roots except with more singing. I would strongly recommend these guys to anyone with an interest in something funky and fun.


2:00 - 3:00 @ the Intiman Theater - Hannibal Buress, Karen Kilgriff, & Doug Benson
Alright well yet another Allen Bumbershoot tradition is see Doug Benson Perform. He seems to ALWAYS be on the comedy lineup somewhere, and there is a reason for that - THE DUDE IS FUNNY. I honestly am not too familiar with the other two comedians but I can say this much I have never not been satisified with any of the comedy shows I have seen at Bumbershoot they always bring the funny. I will admit that Doug is a little dirty at times but it's also a 2 o'clock show which means there will be kids in the audience which means he MIGHT clean it up. Either way it will be funny. Also Doug has a new CD out so the chances of him signing it is so very high (much like Doug will be) it's ridiculous.

5:00 - 6:00 (though I will leave early) @ EMP Sky Church - PWRFL Power
Alright well this guy doesn't have a picture but that doesn't mean you won't love the heck out of him. If you loved the Juno Soundtrack you will love this guy. I'll probably only be able to catch the first half of this show but it should still be worth it.

5:45 - 6:45 @ Fisher Green Stage - Estelle

Alright well I fell in love with Estelle after hearing her collaborate with Kanye West for her hit single "American Girl" and let me tell you the rest of her album is just as good. If you love R&B and Soul check her out.

7:30 - 8:45 @ Memorial Stadium - Band of Horses


So I found out about these guys thanks in a large part to another Bumbershoot performer I will be talking about in my Sunday or Monday preview, Greg Behrendt. Seriously I love these guys.

9:15 - 10:45 @ Memorial Stadium - Beck

If you people need me to tell you why you should see BECK I really don't think we should be friends. It's BECK for goodness sake! Just GO!!!